This is the point where i know that only professional help could help me.

But, just like any of the countless victims of their own mistakes, i won't do so. Instead, i feel contented just by remaining another powerless, sick arsehole that sees how his life is crumbling around him.

Ironically, even if my vanilla world is slowly burning to cinders, another kind of hope is emerging out of all that smoky mess. Every day that passes i feel more like a dog than a man. i am becoming the faithful dog of my owner, Master's pet. Oh, yes. i call her my owner by the avatar name because i want you (whoever reads this entry) to see how behind avatars and virtual profiles on the 'net there's real people that can, at the movement of a finger, blast away entire lives.

However, when my owner took possesion of me, there wasn't much that could be blasted, just the shell of an insatisfactory life spent in search of myself.

Much of the past 20+ years had been a constant fight to establish the role that filth had in my life. i had unsuccessfully struggling to find a middle way where my nasty, private habits could share common ground with that other side, the morally correct and 'clean' me of which nobody suspects anything.

The bitter truth is that the price of loving the filth and the perverse is permanent seclusion and the stigma that would be attached to me if i were to be publicly exposed for the things i've said or done. Friends wouldn't speak to me. Doors would bang close on my nose...

Let's be clear. The kind of people like me are the laughing stock of a society that knows better than dipping its fingers too deep into the bowl of obscenities that is their sexual fantasies. We, the perverse, the filthy and degraded slaves, sluts, whores, dogs, TV's and many other types of humilliated turds in Imagefap, have made that mistake, and therefore there's only one way for us to go: down. Who, in their right mind, would like to be associated with hopeless scum-bags that happily declare their taste for the smell of shit, or the feel of many anonymous cock filling their throats and asses? And even if part of our filthy path in life could be explained by traumas in our childhood, or the consequence of unresolved mental imbalances, everybody knows that we are beyond recovery.

That's why my owner says that, for us, the only way to be happy is to accept what we were born to be. There are for us no better friends than those that share our filthy points of view, because no judgement will come from them. Acceptance is the only thing that could bring peace to a confused mind that never truly belonged to the vanilla world.

So, it turns out that it wasn't actually a mistake what has brought me to be permanently kneeling under the shadow of my owner, but my fate that knows better and has, through the instrument of my owner, chosen its right place in life.

So, here i am, owned, abused and controlled by my owner, who happens to live thousands of miles away from where i am. When we met she recognized me as one of her kind, and there and then decided that all my dilemas about a morality that doesn't suit my filthy nature, were going to be ended at once, smashed with a single bang of her fist.

No wonder i am addicted to her.

Thank you for finally opening my mind, owner.

pigmeat