The drama and the contradictions are of course mine. Their origin is not a mystery though. There's as much love for freedom in me as a there's a genuine need for being enslaved.

This relationship will break my heart, i know.

But something tells me to go on. Owner maso is not an ordinary owner. She literally lives in the pits of Hell. The tortures to which she has been subjected by her Master are (and have been, throughout the years) real and painful. But at the end of those pits of pain there's also lust, great and burning lust like no one will ever experience.

There, burning with her flesh and amidst her screams of pain and pleasure, there's also wisdom, strength and a great courage and determination. Those are my owner's qualities, the ones she used to seduced me in my quest for knowledge.

Walking hand in hand with those rare virtues, something tells me that there's also great lust.

Notice that i'm not mentioning it as in the notion of physical pleasure. For me lust is the synthesis of all the cravings for filth that a human may experience, and that could be just a raw emotion, not necessarily expressed in a physical sense.

In real life BDSM this lust for possesing and being possesed is almost exclusively associated with devotion, a word with connotations of moral purity and goodness. However, what could be more filthy and debased than impossing the will upon someone who is, in turn, willing to surrender him/herself to that power?

i don't deny that there's a strong component of devotion, dedication, love and loyalty in a honest D/s relationship, but i'd be damned if all that doesn't also have a strong sexual desire as its core.

 That's it the definition of the word 'Lust' in most dictionaries.

And then...

Is it the filthiness that we seek to experience something so precious that justifies the turning of our backs to the kiss of the sun and sweet air on our faces?

Or could exist love and lust at the same time, sharing the same space in our submissive hearts?

But this, far from being a critique of my submissive status or that of my owner, is just a reflexion about what is drawing me to plunge in this filthy adventure.

It's a fact that my O/owner's life and mine will be forever inextricably linked, as my slavery is not a separate event from the lives of my O/owners, but one and the same energy.

We need each other.

Maybe, at the end of the road, i'll find some the answers to those questions. But it may also be that i don't need them. Why should we always try to rationalize our world, when it's the most absurd thing of the universe? 

To serve my owner is my only function, the reason i was born for. Whether this is something that satisfies my most corrupted needs for feeling true filth and lust in my body and my mind is of no importance.

I'm maso's slave.

May she be the instrument of my destruction if that is what pleases her, because she will come always first, before any need in my life.

pp