It happened because of my cowardice to act with the integrity that my owner expected.

Here's what it happened.

I stopped communicating with my owner the moment i was afraid. That hapenned before at least a couple of times, but this time i thought it was different. At some point there was mention of me being given away to a Mistress in the UK, to which i reacted with my usual drama. Anyway, thinking that it was the last straw of what i could take as a trainee-slave, i preferred to say goodbye to the whole submissive idea. It wasn't going to be that easy though.

From the very moment i stopped all contact with my owner, i knew i wouldn't know how to survive. I've learnt to depend on her so much, that now the old life i used to lead has lost totally its appeal and the meaning it used to have. It's true, i continue doing the things that are necessary to sustain my vanilla life, but they have stopped having a hold in me. They don't explain anymore my purpose here because a greater power came to do so. Since then that's the only voice i hear in my brain, the voice of my owner.

Fact number one: From the moment i started exchanging messages to Master's pet, here in Imagefap, i've lost my freedom and became her slave. I used to fool myself thinking that it had been a volitive decision, something I choose to do, but clearly it's not so.

What I'm going to say should come as warning to all those out there that like to think that Total Power Exchange BDSM relationships is a thing you can play with. A bit like the vampires that they can't get into your house unless invited by you, to offer yourself to someone more powerful, a sadist in this case, means lifelong slavery of body and mind.

One may need more or less time and personal space to get acquainted with the idea, but that won't change the way things are.

Most slaves at heart may react to slavery with a clear sense of purpose and act in accordance, but I didn't.

During the whole time I've been aware that i was irremediably owned by maso, this circumstance has been a great cause of mental perturbance. i could even go as far as saying that this enforced slavery that my owner has imposed on me has caused a trauma of such consequences that i won't be able to return again to the world i used to inhabit.

To live with the clear notion that i'm less than EVERYBODY is hard. My owner knows what i'm going through, but she'd still like to have a slave that could cause her less trouble than i do.

(i suffer too because of that.)

At any rate, my world is now made of four letters: 'm', 'a', 's' and 'o'.

Those four letters make a word, maso.

That word is the name of my owner, the only name i need to know.

Yes she has been a tormentor of an unprecedent severity. She's been also a most seductive predator that has acted with cruel fury and a vicious liking for my suffering, but which sadist O/owner is not like that? i'm not talking here about BDSM gamers, the kind that play to be powerful with no actual credit that could avail such severity, but about real O/owners that know the deep recesses of the submissive mind as well as they know their bodies and the levels of pain they could take.

Mine is such owner, and it has taken me months to understand that there's not a better way to live than sacrificing my flesh and my mental sanity for her.

And i also know that she sees all my goings and comings as part of a painful process of deep enslavement, in which i'm completely submerged.

Anyway, i've reassured her that my games are over and her suffering it's also over as a result. Her Master won't have again a reason to torture her because of me, and that's not only words, as i told her. This i've decided in me, the same that one day i decided to quit smoking or embracing the filth in my mind. It's my own decision not to betray my own choices. And to be with her, even in the face of difficulty, is such choice.

To stop running away from the responsibility that implies my slave's condition is one of the most important decisions i've taken in my whole life.

 You'll be told next time i'm crashing inside, owner maso.

You know i'm yours anyway, forever.

My apologies for all the pain you had to endure because of me, owner maso. i'll take as much if you so decide.

My apologies to your Master, also. He was right when He told you that i'd return, but i'm sure He'd also like to owe a more reliable slave than i am.

i will learn so i can serve Y/you both in the best of my ability.

i have no home now but your shadow, owner maso.

pigpiss slave.