And low, and miserable, hapless and deplorable.

This is how i feel after not contacting my owner for several days.

Is this the way i return to her the kindness and the immense effort that has gone into my training so far?

Is this the only way that i have to face a crisis, stopping all contact with my owner and erasing all the online traces of my pathetic existence? 

Why can't i find a middle way, a more gentle approach that enables me to cope with whatever is inside, without having to make others pay for my confusion or my fear?

My online O/owners have planned to give me away to a real Mistress.

 But, am i ready to leave all behind? Could i ever gather the courage to dissapear from the map and forget all ties i have with those that i love or even with the past, with whatever i've been, done and felt?

It doesn't matter. As my owner says, it's too early to get even worried about an event that belongs to the future.

And now it has come the time to pay for my lies.

Because this pig that writes here and now is a lier. i told my owner that i would never do what i did, to vanish from cyberspace without letting her know of my troubles. 

Time and again she has given me living proof that she is the ONLY person that i should put my trust in. 

She has respected my limits, she has taken care of my needs whenever i asked for it.

She has made room in her life so i could fit in, and has given away her own energy, patience, wisdom and expertise so i could become what i came to do to this world, a slave.

She has even endured punishment herself for my own faults, something that should have taught me a thing or two about how i conduct my servitude, and the effects of my thoughtless actions.

Yes, i am waiting to hear from her, so i'll know what's the punishment. But believe when i tell you that this was not planned in advance. 

i'm not one of those mad masochists that would do anything to be tortured by their O/owners.

In fact, i'm just a stupid, pathetic and hopeless pig that asks forgiveness to its owner.

Whatever will come i'll accept it, so i'll pay for the suffering that i've caused to my owner.

Please forgive this pig, owner maso.

This pig begs you, owner maso, please forgive it.

pp