Now that i think of it, i find the title of this blog entry a bit pretentious.

Nothing can ensure that i'll continue being the slave of maso, not even my eagerness to serve her, or her willingness to teach me the path of discipline. The same than life itself, everything is always changing and impermanent at its deepest level, and therefore nothing can be taken for granted.

So, sometimes i find it's more realistic calling myself a trainee-slave, or just her personal turd-hole, for that is what i'd really be, were i lucky to serve my owner in her own dungeon. That i'm less than her is blatanly obvious, the natural consequence of being submissive to a slave.

But today i've been reading a bit about sadism and Trust, the result of a search that i did in Google, triggered in turn by a photo that depicts a Mistress holding a cigarette very close to the tit of a slave.

I found the photo fascinating, because in it you can see how the Top hugs with a lovely embrace Her bottom, while She applies with care the tip of the cigarette to Her submissive pig. The little pig trembles with a mixture of emotions, in which fear must be a very important one. But somehow this image also transmits very powerfully the notion of Trust. In this case trust to a superior power, that of the Top. 

Still, many questions came to me when i tried to understand the nature of that image. If, for instance, the particular scene in which that Top and her slave found themselves was consensual, then where is the line that separates indiscriminate sadism from a valid path of discipline?

And also, could indiscriminate sadism exist in a consensual S/M relationship, regardless of the level of violence agreed by both parties?

In any case, the level of trust and commitment that it requires to let oneself be damaged by its Top is such that it must necessarily turn this type of relationship into something akin to a spiritual teaching. 

This is exactly what i'm finding day in day out with my owner. The trust i put in her is proportional to the satisfaction she obtains at seeing how i let her raise the limits imposed by fear and lack of discipline. Put in a different way, the more she enjoys, the more i learn and i'm able to give, and also the freer i become.

How the mechanism of S/M relationships work is something beyond my comprehension, mainly because it seems to be full with contradictions and paradoxes. The only thing which is sufficiently clear to me is that a Top has this basic urge of being obeyed, and also that He, S/she may use this authority to obtain a certain amount of pleasure at seeing His, H/her slave suffering. 

For my part, i surprise myself being more and more willing to raise the barrier of pain that i thought insurmountable at the beginning of my service to owner maso.

On the one hand i know this can only be because of my Trust in her. On the other hand this is simply what she wants from me, so it had to be the natural outcome anyway.

And despite all my inner apprehensions, there's always a new level of commitment that can and MUST be offered to my owner. 

She is indeed bringing the best out of me, and enjoys herself a lot by using that to her advantage. 

And that's what i'm here for, to make her happy.

Thank you owner maso.

pp