I am writing this to describe the awesome experience of my return to gurlhood.

I started crossdressing when I was 14. I remember seeing my sister and all her friends at her birthday party, all wearing pretty party frocks, hair in pigtails and tied in ribbon and I wanted so much to join them. I felt a shock of sexual pleasure at the thought. 

I remember the first time so vividly. The rest of the family went out, leaving me alone. I assembled an outfit - my sister's panties (plain blue, decorated with little frills around the waist and legs), one of my mother's bras (white with roses picked out in lace), a pair of her tan tights and one of my sister's dresses (pink, with a peter pan collar edged in lace). I remembe the excitement of assembling the clothes, stripping off and then stepping into the panties, watching my maleness disappear inside, the cool tightness around my ass and the way it restrained my erection. Then the bra; I loved putting my arms through the straps and fastening myself in, enjoying the change of my body shape as I filled the cups with socks. Then the tights. Just remembering the sensation of my first nylons still turns me on. And then the dress, so pretty with the skirt above my knee. I looked at myself in the mirror and a girl looked back. I almost fainted with the wave of pleasure.

I went to a coeducational boarding school, and used to sneak into the girl's changing rooms to dress up in the gym uniform of blouse, games knickers and short pleated skirt. I nearly got caught once, and it was one of the most exciting experiences of my life - I often think about what the butch games mistress would have done had she looked behind the lockers where I was hiding.

When I left home I used to dress at home after work. I joined a TV support group, and had some fun with other members. But I was clear; while dressed I was Amanda but I was basically a straight guy who liked wearing girl's clothes.

I stopped dressing when I got into a serious relationship with a woman. I thought it was a phase I had gone through, and now it was time to move on. That was in 1998.

Last month I found myself walking through a large Marks and Spencer store. I didn't mean to - at least I think I didn't - but I ended up in the lingerie department looking at all the pretty panties, bras, camis and other feminine things on display. I looked at some panties, felt the material. Inside my stomach was churning and I felt the old hunger. I told myself to get over it and walked on, but found myself returning a few days later and then  actually selecting a bra and panty set and buying it. I even got off on the shame and nerves of taking the items to the checkout and handing them to the woman behind the counter.

So I have started dressing again, but this time there's no demure Amanda. I searched for a name that sums up what I feel now and came up with Candi, a name everyone seems to agree is one of the sluttiest a girl can have. Because I  now want to go further; looking at the photos on Imagefap, I realise I am so turned on by the idea of sucking cock and being fucked as a girl. I haven't actually done this in real life yet but just writing about it is making me hard.

I am Candi, a sissy cockteasing cumdump slut. The words are so exciting!

I am starting to buy a new wardrobe - I bought more sexy undies over the weekend and am now thinking about the best way forward - short tight dresses versus school uniform-type blouse and pleated skirt. I might write here about how I get on!