I knew it was wrong but I was so tired of not being part of a group, any group. It is like I'm invisible that nobody notices me. Lets face it. At fifteen, I am too small to be a jock at 5'2" and a weight of 95 pounds and that's soaking wet. I'm not even smart enough to be a geek. To make matters worse I have a small and delicate frame and features that I inherited from my mother.

I live with my mother, Faith Spencer, ever since my father split before I was born so I never knew the bum. It's from my mother that I

Now to get back to my story, I enter the girls' locker room with my heart beating like a jack rabbit and walk slowly over to the lockers. It seems like I can hear every step that I take in the silent and empty room. Finally I make it to Linda's locker and like usual it's unlocked. Linda is always leaving things unlocked, she even forgets to lock her hall locker. For a few moments I just stand there trying just to get the courage to open it. I take a deep breath and open it. At first I don't see any panties, relieved, I'm thinking that Linda must have gone commando for the day but then I see something red under her jeans. I quickly grab the underwear and head for the door. I'm almost out the door when I walk into a 6'1" wall and that wall having the name of Nicole Johnson or Nikki, the junior center on the girl's basketball team and the only open lesbian . I already knew that I at 5'2" at 95 pounds would be no match for this 6'1" girl so I just stood there in fear as

She screamed, "you little pervert, what have you got there?"

Not being able to say anything but trying desperately to hide the incriminating panties behind my back but Nikki still notices.

"what have you got there you perv", asks Nikki

Nikki suddenly grabs my arm and nearly twists it, making me cry out in pain. She grabs the underwear and immediately notices the identifying LDB embroidered on the panties for Linda Diana Bonni. I now know that I am forever and totally busted.

This is how I got to be sitting in the office of Miss Janice Williams, the girls' basketball coach, my mother's best friend, and my godmother. It was about an hour later when Miss Williams and Linda came in and Linda was giving me one of those looks that can kill. What surprised me was the look on Miss Williams' face, it wasn't a look of contempt but one of kindness and concern as she said,

Andy, I've known you your whole life and have known your mother longer and I know that you would never intentionally do something like this on your own unless somebody put you up to this. Linda knows that you wouldn't either, she's just mad but she's starting to cool down. We only want to know the kids that put you up to it

Linda, her dark brown eyes softening, clasped my hands and told me it was OK and just to tell them everything. As I look at Linda and Miss Williams, to began to just bawl as I realized that Linda had a right to be pissed. The empathy that I felt for her if I had been successful at giving her panties to those pinheads. I could only imagine the embarrassment that she would've felt of her monogrammed panties shown for the whole school to see. Suddenly being a part of the crowd wasn't important to me and everything just came out of my mouth. I gave the names of Daryl James, Jose Hendrickson, and Bart Rawlings. This was supposed to be my initiation into their group and I would be one of them. I am so sorry Linda for doing this to you.

Miss Williams looked at me thoughtfully for awhile and then handled me some Kleenex to wipe my tears.

"I believe you Andy, I have known that you have had a hard time not being able to fit in from what your mother has told me and I would like to help if you'd let me, explained Miss Williams.

"first of all, Daryl, Jose, and Bart will be dealt with. Daryl has had a sexual harassment complaint about him from Linda so this incident could be another nail in his coffin, so you may have done Linda a favor. As for you, I feel you should be punished as a consequence for your actions.

At this, Miss Williams must have seen be wince because she assured me that we won't hurt to embarrass you. I have talked to your mother and she has let your punishment up to me but she will have final approval.

"what do you have in mind, Miss Williams, I asked?

Well, your punishment would have a benefit to the team. As for the moment, we don't have a team manager and that's something that we need. As the team manager it will be your job to record statistics during games. We'll teach you how as you learn about the game. During practices, it will be among your duties to include getting towels from the laundry for after practices, checking air pressure in the balls, taping up the girls' ankles before practice, making sure game uniforms are dry cleaned after every game and back for the next. You will be part of the team and as a member you can earn points for a letter.

At hearing this I became elated, I could finally feel like I was part of a group but I became deflated when the coach added the conditions. This was the punishment part of the deal. I had to become a girl manager since I would be in the locker room with girls present but I was assured that only she, the team, and my mother would know.

"right now Linda is collecting what we will need from the drama department to see if you could pass as a girl.

I was given a bottle of Nair hair removal and headed for the coaches' private shower to remove what little body hair that was on my body to begin my transformation. I remove my clothes and step into the shower to follow the Nair instructions on my entire body except for the hair on my head. I also shampoo my longer hair with the shampoo that Aunt Janice had given me. As I step out of the shower and dry off, I notice how strange and bare I feel without any body hair as little as it was. It is then that Linda returns from the drama department with a armload of girl clothes.

"coach, I had no idea what size he took so I just guess that he may be a size 4.

As it turns out, Linda was right. I was a exact size 4. First they had me put on the same silk panties that I had tried to steal (I guess that was Linda's idea). A bra came next which got filled with small socks to give me a modest bust line. At least they weren't going to make me look like a drag version of Dolly Pardon or the like. Next came a long-sleeved oxford shirt that got tucked into a knee-length denim skirt. Under the skirt I'm wearing a padded brief in order to give me a proper shape and to hide my bulge and a waist nipper.

Linda now brushes my longer hair until it shown and a blue hair band is added to keep my hair out of my eyes. Light makeup is added to my face along with lip gloss to my lips, and clip-on earrings to my ears. Lastly I put on a denim style jacket and a purse is added to my shoulder. Finally when they are finished, I am allowed to see the finished product for the first time. I couldn't believe what I saw. Gone was the geeky looking boy and in his place was a cute adorable fifteen year old girl. I don't know how I felt looking as I was looking. I just know that I didn't feel like myself. As I was so worried about looking like a drag queen, I ended up looking like Hillary Duff.

At this exact moment my mother steps through the office door and exclaims,

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt a meeting with one of your girls. Then it suddenly dawned on her that she was looking at her own son.

"Oh my god, she or he is so adorable. I never would have realized that he made such a cute girl", gushed my mom.

"We are finished as for tonight, Faith", explained Aunt Janice. "You and Andy can decide for yourselves if you should continue. If not, then we can come up with another punishment for Andy".

"And Andy, if you decide to proceed, then try to come up with a girl's name that you would feel comfortable with", added Aunt Janice.

"We will talk about it on the way home and let you know one way or another.

Well come along now Amy, we'll talk about it over dinner.

Mexican sound OK honey", asks my mom.

"Sure", I answered.

Walking out to the car, dressed as a girl, I am petrified. I don't believe that my mother is going to take me out in public dressed this way. If I just do as she does, then maybe I'll be all right.

"Ole mom has never steered me wrong so I'll just have to trust her as I've always trusted her", I kept repeating to myself.

After we have driven for a few minute I ask, "Mom, back at Aunt Janice's office you called me Amy. Why did you do that"?

"Just trying it out to see how it sounds Andy, That would have been your name had you been born a girl—Amy Louise Spencer. The Louise would have been for your grandmother", answered my mom.

"You know that you don't have to do this if you don't feel right about it Andy, we can find another punishment.

"I must tell you mom. I realize I have to be held accountable for my part in this mess. What if I had been successful in getting Linda's panties to those boys. I can only imagine the humiliation and embarrassment she would have suffered and it would've been all my fault".

As I'm saying this, my eyes start to well once again with tears and I couldn't stop as I put myself in Linda's place.

It has always amazed Faith about the sensitivity of her son to emphasize with others.

"I must have done something right raising him, Faith mused".

This this moment, we pull into the parking lot of our favorite Mexican restaurant and mom notices that I'm still crying so she reaches over to put her arms around me and dries my tears with some Kleenex from her purse. After fixing my makeup, we head inside for something to eat.

As we enter, we are greeted by the hostess as young ladies and asked whether we wanted a table for two for dinner and my mother responds,

"it will be just my daughter and I please".

We were then led to our table as I follow my mother taking small steps as I went—exactly like my mother.

Throughout dinner, I keep stealing glances trying to notice if anyone has guessed that I wasn't who I was pretending to be. All I saw was people smile at me and I even heard one elderly lady comment to her husband about how nice to see a young teenage girl wearing a skirt for once. My mother looked like she was eating it up.

"Relax Amy, I don't think that anybody even knows that your really a boy. Just keep doing what I'm doing and you'll do fine", reassured my mom.

It was finally over coffee that mom kept giving me these funny looks and smiling like she were a bunch of Cheshire cats.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that", I asked.

"I must confess that I have always wondered what you would've looked like if you were born a girl and besides what is wrong with a mother looking at her beautiful daughter", explained mom.

"but I'm not a girl, I'm a boy", I argued.

"I'm only teasing you Amy, chided my mom.

"Amy, to get serious for a moment, are you sure that you are OK with this situation because if you're not comfortable with it, then we can always arrange for another way with Aunt Janice", asked mom

"I still don't know how I feel or think. It feels so weird to be dressed this way but it's nice to be noticed and have people smile at me like in this restaurant. I'm so tired of people beside you and Aunt Janice treat me like I don't belong or that I'm invisible or something", I answered.

After taking a deep breath, I continue on,

The only thing that I do know is that I want to be held accountable for what I tried to do to Linda. I feel horrible at the thought of her embarrassment and humiliation of having her underwear shown to the whole school. I only want to show her how sorry I am and if that means becoming a girl for the girl's basketball season—then so be it".

"Well, I guess that makes it official. It's getting late so we better be getting on home. Since tomorrow is Saturday, we'll hit the mall and make a day of it. Sounds good, Amy?", asks mom.

"Sounds like fun", I said trying to sound enthusiastically.

So off we went . My mom paid the check and we drove home where I immediately went to bed after my harrowing afternoon.

I gradually awoke to the early morning sun shining through my window. At first I thought that everything that happened the afternoon before was only a dream but I felt the satin nightgown that my mother had loaned me wrapped around my totally bare legs brought me back to reality. For a while I just laid there trying to soak everything in when I heard a knock and the familiar voice of my mother as she came into my room.

"Wake up you sleepyhead", chirped my mother. "We have a busy day and we better get going if were are to get finished".

"what are we doing today", I asked.

"If I tell you know it'll ruin the surprise", answered my mom. "Just come into my room and I help get you ready". "Come on and lets get a move on, Amy", ordered mom.

Once I enter my mother's bedroom, I immediately notice her clothes on the bed and she is already wearing her outfit for day. From this I can only demise that these clothes are meant for me. My mother is wearing a dark blue skirt and a red silk blouse and blue low heeled shoes and soon I am wearing coordinating colors. That is a red skirt, and blue silk blouse and red low heeled shoes. What's different from the night before is that I'm wearing control top pantyhose and a silk slip underneath the skirt. I'm also wearing my mother's old breast forms adhered to my bare chest. These had been hers when she was my age.

"This must have been what you had been planning last night when I was asleep", I commended. "I look like I could be twin sister and not your son, mom", I added.

The thing is, that the longer that I look at us together the more I see why everyone sees us as the Gilmore Girls. Mom and I do look like that we could be sisters.

Being such a beautiful Indian summer, mom decided to put the top down on her blue Mercedes XL convertible as we drove to the Rivervale Mall. I know that I've ridden in this car with the top down before but it was entirely new experience as a pretty teenage girl, with the wind blowing through my hair and all.

I did become quite embarrassed when we were stopped at a red light before the entrance to the mall when a carload of boys pulled along side of us and began hooting, hollering, calling out "check out the hot chicks in the blue convertible". At first I turned around wanting to see the hot babes and I realized that they were referring to me and my mother. Upon realizing this, I slouched lower in my seat and wanted to just die.

"Will you just relax, Amy? They are just responding to a couple of cute girls that are out for a drive", explained my mom. "Like it or not, you better get used to it".

"I don't think that I like being referred to as a chick, mom, I argued.

"Lets face facts, Amy. If you're going to agree to be a girl during the girls' basketball season then you better get used to it because you sure look like a pretty one to me and besides, it is no different of the way you salivate over the singer, Hillary Duff".

"But mom, she's darn cute, I blurted out before realizing I had contradicted myself. I guess that is a double standard and I'm sorry I said it", I apologized.

"Apology accepted and lets stop bantering and lets do some serious shopping", said mom.

The first stop at the mall was Glamour Shots, where my mother had made an appointment for the both of us to be professionally made over and photographed.

Sitting in chairs next to each other, we were made over at the same time.

My stylist's name was Jenny. She had the nicest, sweetest voice. She talked to me while she worked. I must have fallen asleep while she massaged my head while washing my hair and conditioning it. I must have been so relaxed, that when she woke me up to tell that she was finished and so was Stephanie with my mother.

This is when I got the first look at myself. I wasn't just pretty, I was gorgeous. I looked like I was one of those million dollar super models. My shoulder length hair had a sort of a curly feathered look to it. My cheekbones were more pronounced, and my blue eyes seemed a bit darker all due to a little makeup.

Next came the photo session. We posed for some together and some separately. All the while, I kept thinking to myself, "We look like we could be sisters". Heck, they could even have a show for about us and called The Spencer Girls".

Upon the leaving Glamour Shots, Jenny reminded us that our photos should be ready by 2 that afternoon.

The next stop was Penney's. I was here that mom bought me several skirted suits, some with A-line and some straight. While I waited in the women's fitting room and wearing only my waist slip. My mom kept bringing me things to try on. She brought in sheath dresses, long-sleeved and short-sleeved dresses, and jumpers. There were even more skirts. From classy to casual to professional.

It's like my mom is going nuts and she was a woman on a mission. By the time we left Penney's, she had bought for me three straight skirted suits, two sheath dresses, one long-sleeved dress, and four short sleeved dresses. She also bought for me panties and bras several slips (half and full), several nightgowns and a robe. When we had finally left Penney's, I realized the true meaning of the phrase "shop till you drop".

It was now about one thirty that afternoon and mom suggests that we go to the food court and get something to eat. It was over a pepperoni pizza and diet cokes that we ate and talked.

"Mom, are you sure that I really need all these clothes. I mean it is only for the three months of the basketball season that I'll need them", I asked.

Amy, I realize I may have gone totally bonkers today but I guessed I must have just got caught up in the fantasy that you were really a my daughter, answered my mom.

As for the clothes, in three months I suppose I can wear them since I'm also a size four, same as you. Beside what's wrong with a mother wanting to buy her beautiful daughter pretty things", teased mom.

"Now, why don't you go down to the record store and buy yourself a couple of CD's while I go run a few errands, suggested mom. "Have fun, honey".

So off to the record store I nervously went. This was the first time that I was going anywhere dressed as a girl without my mother. All I had to do was follow my mother's advice and relax and do everything that I had been doing and I should be fine.

Once in the store, I already know what I want. I want to check out a new Jessica Simpson CD that just came out.

As I'm browsing through the CD collection, I notice Linda Bonni in the same store and remembered that she works here on Saturdays for her parents. Before I can duck out of the store she recognizes me and comes over.

"Oh my god, I never realized that you looked this good", Exclaimed Linda.

"Thank you, I mutter. I'm petrified to be here dressed like this without my mother present. I hope I don't give myself away".

I don't think that you have anything to worry about. I almost didn't recognize you at first. I probably wouldn't of if I hadn't seen you yesterday. You must have gone to Glamour Shots", said Linda. By the way, have you picked out a name for yourself".

"Yes. Amy Louise Spencer", I added.

"Hey, I like it. You look like a Amy , commented Linda. And I like your choice in music. Jessica Simpson is the best and this CD is good too. Want me to ring it up", asked Linda

"Sure", I said. I reached into my purse and pulled a twenty from my girl's wallet and Linda took it and gave me my change. I told her thank you and left the store.

Linda Bonni sat there at the register for a few moments and thought:

He is so cute. No, not cute but adorable. What I wouldn't give to see him in one of our cheerleaders' outfits with the name Amy stitched on the front left corner. He would look sooo hot! Oh stop that, Linda. What are you thinking of?

"Miss, are you OK", asked the next customer is line. You look faint and your sweating".

"Yes, I'm fine. I may be coming down with something. How may I help you", Linda asked trying to cover her embarrassment.

Later I met my mom at the earring store and I had my ears pierced. Boy, did that hurt. At least it was quick and it was over. My mother choose for my first pair of earrings was amethyst. Amethyst being my birthstone since I was born in February. She also gets for me several pairs of earrings to add to my jewelry collection. I also buy several pairs of headbands to keep my hair out of my eyes.

 

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