I was talking to my hubby about the bad side of crossdressing, the guilt and shame he's carried around for years, and I asked him what he'd do if he could send a message back to his younger self. What advice would today-hubby give his pre-meeting me self? We talked about it for quite a while and came up with a lot of ideas, some his, some mine.

The big one?

It Is Not A Big Deal.

He used to think it was, but it wasn't. It's just clothes. You like dressing up? Go for it. Some people don't like it? Don't spend time with those people. As long as you aren't hurting anybody (and girls, taking other people's stuff is hurting those people - that's why the internet was invented, so you could shop safely for girl clothes) then it isn't anybody's business. 

Other things we decided:

- seriously, don't take other people's stuff. My husband was caught crossdressing when he was in his early teens because he was doing it in someone else's house with someone else's clothes. I know there's a thrill and the fear is part of it, but it wasn't worth the bullying it caused. 

- don't hide because of it. My hubby was afraid to date girls in case they discovered his secret, told the newspapers, paraded him through town with a big SISSY sign and a bell and stuff. Like that would happen. Maybe some of those girls would have been cool with it, maybe some of them wouldn't, but if you're going through life thinking it's this horrible relationship-ending secret then you're giving it power over you it doesn't deserve. I'd much rather have a crossdressing hubby than one who plays golf.

- don't wear her stuff. Get your own, it's fun, and if you stretch it to hell because it's a 32 and you're a 40 then nobody is going to kill you. Stretch HER stuff to hell and there will be trouble!

- if you're a teenager or just a bit older, this is probably the best shape you'll ever be in. Make the most of your beautiful body!

- Most people don't care and won't notice. Unless you run into a shop shouting "I'm a big sissy and I'm here to buy a bra!" most people won't notice what you're buying, and if they do notice they probably won't care.  

- Find somewhere safe you can do it. Internet forums help, people are more relaxed than they used to be, but unfortunately there are bigots and bashers out there, so make sure if you're dressing in public you're doing it in a group or in a place you're not taking any risks.

- If you're single and sexy, use protection.  

- Don't shave your legs two weeks before your summer holiday / big football game

- If you're taking photos, remember that birthmarks, tats, bits of faces, locations, cars can identify you. Don't upload anything you'd be scared for someone who knows you to see. 

- when you find someone who's okay with it don't go crazy. We get it, we get it, you've been hiding this for years and now you've found someone who's okay with it you want to dress 24/7 and go shopping together and talk about shoes and... she probably doesn't want to do all that stuff, and she definitely won't like it if she says "I'm cool with this" and you hear "I will be happy if you ignore my needs altogether and vanish in a pink fog where all you care about is you and I'll spend all my money on lingerie for me".

- Just because she's cool with this doesn't mean she's cool with everything. Crossdressing is just clothes. Other things aren't, and she might be okay with the clothes but not okay with other things. She probably won't be okay with you keeping big secrets, so if there's something you're into and you're going behind her back to get it, she'll go nuclear when she finds out.

- Tell her when you're getting serious. Crossdressing isn't all of you, but it's a big part of you and if you're promising to love, protect, honor, obey etc it's really unfair to keep such a big part of you hidden from her. The more of a shock it is and the later in your relationship you tell her, the more dramatic her response is likely to be and the less likely she's going to react with joy and Agent Provocateur gift vouchers.

- Don't tell her on the first date either. 

- Don't put hair removal cream on your balls.  

- Enjoy it. Dressing up is fun :) x 

Any suggestions?