Welcome to the Practice

I love my job as a psychotherapist - it's the perfect fit. I'm a fucking lazy bastard and talking for money sure beats working for it like my parents did. There's also the position, I am the cure and you are the fucking disease, I order and you fucking do. Don't kid yourself into thinking that I'm here to fix your problems; the paradoxical cure is what I specialise in. The basic theory I always work from (because I only take on wealthy clients) is that there in nothing wrong with you except that your life is just too fucking easy, and you have too much time on your hands in which to ruminate endlessly; too much money - that allows you to engage in endless trivial meaningless safe pass-times, experiences and things that supermarket society provides you without enough effort on your behalf. That in short, is what is wrong with you (in other words there is nothing wrong with you - you are just wrong). You are a liar, a fake and a phoney unengaged with the world and it's people - and so your life needs to get harder and worse so it can feel meaningful and worthwhile eventually (I don't say "again", because that presupposes that you were once living a meaningful and worthwhile life - which is frankly doubtful). I have to frustrate your pointless self obsession, make you stop this morbid preoccupation with your thinking about you and your thoughts - and since only I live an enjoyable, meaningful life, full of joy, purpose and novelty - I might as well make sure that that continues to be the case. Psychology is not the cure, it is the disease masquerading as the cure. I'm feeling so happy and mischievous again today - so let's get to our first patient - out there waiting patiently. I'll just have a quick look at the CCTV to see what piece of crap magazine (I put out for people to read) - she's reading, and we'll work our way on from there.

Welcome to the Machine
So anyway this chick's a real fuck up, she's a bit plump (but very fuckable). And she wants to loose some weight, but can't stop pushing the slop past her sucking hole because she eats for comfort, because her husband doesn't pay her any attention (cause their Pigs), so she's feeling guilty because she makes it hard for him to pay her any attention, by eating cause she's feeling guilty - about feeling guilty - about eating cause if he paid her some attention she wouldn't have to Eat so much and then she'd be thinner and he could pay her more attention etc. etc.
What a fucking bind - what a fucking laugh! I'm laughing in my head while appearing to be listening and looking sympathetic (which I'm not), and fuck that I'm not gonna give empathy a go cause that'd be phoney - and I'm a phoney who knows and accepts I'm a phoney - hell the certificates on the walls are all fakes which is why I can only take on rich clients cause they can pay without asking a medical aid to cough up, because they would only cough up if I was a "registered professional" - what a fucking laugh, I'm feeling so happy today and very mischievous!

Welcome to the Cure
Right so we've explored her feeling deprived of sex and love and attention...so where am I gonna take this...hmmm, I'm feeling quite mischievous today so lets talk about sex to her - get her to feel sexy and guilty about not feeling sexy near her husband cause he's not paying her any attention cause she's a little chunky monkey? God I'm getting a hard on!
"Look you must allow yourself to...feel happy...and feel good feeling sexy being who you are...or aren't. Because you've said you...feel I'm a good person...and that means that you're a good person, which might mean that your husbands not a good person, so maybe if you were to just...start to realise that you are a good person and feel..sexy and happy about that feeling - Now instead of latter - you'll start feeling better...you are a very good looking young lady (not really), If wasn't...not your doctor (and I'm not) I'd be able to tell you that I think you're actually very sexy - so sexy you're giving me a hard on right now LOL [Grin + Inviting Eyes] (Yeh' like she's giving me one rather than I having one LOL - and she's starting to look happy and mischievous - transference is a fucking great thing!) so you must be sexy and...you must feel good about that feeling...tell me about your feelings and what you'd like to be doing 'right' now."
OMG - what a laugh...I'm gently almost unperceivably nodding and I can see her eyes visualising rather than recalling brushing back her hair...time to move in for the kill....

(to be continued tomorrow)...

© T Baxter S - 2013