We all have experiences from our past that we think back on with a fondness which keeps them endearing to us. Some of which are things we wish we could do or feel again.

But how do we find again what we once knew so well or what we once wanted to know so well? How do we pull from the past and live the emotions once again which enable us to dream and to make a memory?

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ABDL seems to be an interest of the heart which is so broad that we each have different starting points and hence, different experiences which dictate our destinations.

I’m no different than anyone else. My starting point for discovering the Daddy in my heart took place when I was young.

I met a girl who became a friend that taught me the best way to see inside other people’s hearts is to know what is inside my own. And it was through a series of trying events that school year which bonded our hearts. I came to understand how wonderful she was and how much people had overlooked the magnificent heart she possessed.

I did my best to capture into words the connection we felt:

The Story of Katie

I can’t remember that girl’s name, but I believe it began with the letter k. So I recall her as Katie.

She taught me how innocence can make you quite strong, but also how innocence needs to be guarded and cared for by a heart which understands its strength. At the time, I didn’t understand the effect she had on me, but it was within those few months when she was in my life that a seed planted itself in my heart and created a feeling for which I had no words to describe.

In June, at the end of that school year, she and her family moved away. I never saw nor heard from her again.

We all have Starting Points. We never forget them, how they change who we will become and the influence they possess … to make a memory.

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ABDL seems to be an interest of the soul which seeks a connection with like-hearted people. But before this can be done, you have to know who’s out there.

For those who have always had the internet, the great discovery, as I like to call it, may not have been so life-altering for you. And for those who knew of ABDL in its pre-internet format, the internet only added a new dimension to reaching out.

But for a lot of us, the internet held a secret we found that made clear: we weren’t alone.

I recall it was late November of 1998. I was home from college for Thanksgiving. At about 2 am, I logged onto my father’s computer in his office. To this day, I can’t remember what the search words were that I typed into infoseek.com, a search engine which no longer exists, eventually becoming go.com.

But my search produced a message forum known as the Adult Baby-BBS. And there were countless postings by a guy named “Melanie” who told of adventures he had gone on out into public with his older sister and her friends. They dressed him up as a girl, put him in a diaper and paraded him around bars and other places, going so far as to change him in a ladies’ bathroom. They humiliated him, but as he wrote, he didn’t feel humiliated. Rather, he felt a piece of his heart being touched which had never been touched before.

The fact that the postings were geared towards the theme of Sitter and BabyBoy didn’t spoil the discovery for me. I longed for the opposite of the theme I was reading. But that message forum and those postings made clear that I wasn’t alone.

I remember my heart pounding through my t-shirt to the point that I had to calm myself down. It wasn’t sexual thrill which had gripped me up like that. It was simply the fact that I had made the great discovery.

Now that may sound ridiculous to you, but if you’re the kind of person who didn’t know the pre-internet world, imagine a moment in your life when you were first made aware of the reality of a dream.

Even if those stories on that message forum were fake, which they well could’ve been, somebody still had to write them. And this meant that, in some form, the fantasy was real and it was organized into a fetish called ABDL – An acronym I had never heard of before.

The next question was … Did anyone see it even remotely close to the way I saw it? In other words: Was there a BabyGirl out there who sought the sentiments that “Melanie” did?

There would be many more searches in my near future, but on that night I learned what that feeling inside me meant, that feeling which saw its starting point when I met Katie, 13 years prior.

And now, I knew the words to describe that feeling of a Daddy-at-Heart

I didn’t yet know what to do, but knew that the goal was simple:

- to find the dream and … to make a memory.

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ABDL seems to be an interest of the mind which we want to express in as many ways as our courage allows. Sometimes that “want” to express becomes a “need”.

So I had made the great discovery online of ABDL and the existence of other people who felt it, too. And at long last, I could put definition to the Daddy-at-Heart feeling which Katie had unknowingly instilled in me.

I began to find sites like dpf.com, aby.com, babymatt’s page and deeker’s page. And once I had ingratiated myself with as much of the ABDL world which I could find, one single thought came to mind:

“Find Katie.”

So I began scouring rosters, members, postings, emailing site owners – all in the hopes that Katie might have stumbled onto these sites as well. But then it dawned on me that she was incontinent, not necessarily a BabyGirl-at-Heart.

This led to postings on incontinence sites where I wrote that I was looking to find someone who I met as a child. People offered up many suggestions as to how to find her and I tried every one of them, but still … there was no Katie to be found.

So I returned to absorbing info on ABDL, going through the “picture stage” where all I wanted to see was pictures. Pictures, pictures and more pictures. Eventually, I settled in on reading stories. But the ones I came across were about aliens who came from outer space and fired their ray guns and turned everyone back into babies. And while these stories were entertaining and certainly required quite a bit of creativity to write, it was a realism in the stories I was hoping to find.

So I decided to try to write one myself. I wrote one chapter at a time and posted it. I was in college and therefore the Daddy and BabyGirl in the story were also college students.

I called the story “The Diapered Female” and after six months of writing it, had created a nine chapter story. The greatest challenge was coming up with the names of Gabriel and Gina (named after a girl I met in college whom I was smitten over).

I really enjoyed writing. It took forever, but was rewarding. I was able to take the fantasy in my mind and turn it into the reality in the story. So I started writing a lot more, beginning to add more and more detail. Soon, I was pouring every emotion I had into every word, making each one of them a piece of my heart.

Years later, I would revisit that first story I wrote: “The Diapered Female”, renaming it Gabriel and Gina: When Fantasy Became Her Reality.

I had such a passion for the connection between the Daddy and BabyGirl that as a relationship I was in ended in early 2001, I knew I would never have another vanilla relationship that didn’t at least included the awareness of my Daddy-at-Heart feeling.

I may have gone my entire life writing about the dynamic, but I never would’ve known what it felt like until I met and fell in love with a BabyGirl who shared the same passion. It was more than enough to change our worlds and drive us towards a new destination together … to make a memory.

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ABDL seems to be an interest of the senses which, when felt by all 5 of them, gets your heart beating faster than you can process. It’s a realization of a dream in reality. And when you feel that dynamic, it changes how you feel and how you will process “feeling” for the rest of your life.

It’s more than the curiosity which gets the best of a cat. It’s the action to the reaction which sets things in motions.

And when the action is life-changing, like the chance meeting of Katie, the reaction will be life-changing as well.

I had the pleasure of experiencing that reaction twice, but it was the second time and the second meeting which began to speak of lifetime…

A few years ago, I traveled out to Kansas City, MO, with a friend to see my beloved Chiefs play at Arrowhead Stadium. It was during that trip that I received an email from someone which began a second series of life-changing events. From that first email started a dynamic relationship I’ll never forget.

The True Value of a First

The sky was the limit at that point in my life and the possibilities were endless, due to some good fortune and a long battle which I won. I happily found myself at a crossroads with career, path and a little bit of time to make the decisions which way to go.

At the football game at Arrowhead Stadium that Sunday, I walked up to one of the section entrances and threw my arms out at my sides. The friend who came along with me took a picture.

I remember that moment. I had emailed with her several times at that point and spoken with her once on the phone. The sky was still the limit and now that sky spelled out a name in its silver lining.

And thus began a Daddy/BabyGirl relationship which I learned can forever alter the lives of two hearts that once bonded to each other. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life to learn what that dynamic felt like and to feel a love for someone, deeper than I could’ve imagined.

That Hotel Room and the Discovery of Just One Thing

It’s the depth that you feel first and more than anything because, when within that dynamic you “bare your all”, revealing things about yourself which could nurture your soul or destroy it – all with a few simple words.

And you never stop wanting to learn more about each other. You never stop wanting to extend the trust you have placed in each other’s hands.

You’ll always be filled with little reminders of the power of the dynamic. I remember how she made me feel, what her scent did to all my senses, the pride and responsibility in being called Daddy by her, the secrets and sentiments we shared behind closed doors, how her gaze would dance and sparkle when I patted her diapered bottom, how her cheeks would flush with color when I whispered: “I love you, BabyGirl”, how a forehead kiss would close her eyes and cause her heart to beat just a little bit faster and how much I loved her.

And it felt so good to be in dynamic love.

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As a Daddy, you want to be Superman. You want to be all things to all people, and especially to her.

“Daddy will take care of it.”

And it feels so good to do and to give and to show your love in as many ways as possible.

It hurts deeply when a dynamic relationship ends and you once again find yourself as half of something which you dreamed about.

But you realize the best thing you can do is accept that though everything happens for a reason, not everything was meant to be. You retain the power of that bond. You retain the memories of the dynamic and you never forget what that love felt like.

I may have spent my whole life writing about the Daddy/BabyGirl Dynamic of Love, but never knew what it truly felt like until I lived it.

But there’s reassurance in knowing that you’ll feel it again, when fate collides the stars and you love again … as a Daddy, as a friend, as a partner …

… all waiting For a Lifetime … to make a memory.