I always have liked them. As young as 4 years old, I was dressing up my male cousin like a girl. I didn't ever want to force a boy to do it. I wanted more real men out in the real world to be slender with long hair and to wear makeup. I think some men really look so beautiful like this. They don't even need to be the super ultra trappy girls with boobs who have been on hormones a long time. 

Anyway, today, I am ashamed of myself. I have such a strong type in a guy, down to the bone structure and size of his lips and hair and eye color, that I have found myself turned on by such a beautiful beautiful boy doing something that normally really really fucking sick and disgusting. I can't help but watch in some sort of eerie fascination as this beautiful creature who I would do anything to touch and hold and just watch does this thing that goes against everything I normally like, it even goes against the few morals I have.

I don't want you all to know what it is because frankly, I haven't come to terms with my level of deviancy on this one. In fact, I'm very uncomfortable about it, that my type can turn me on so much that it doesn't matter what they do?! What ultimate power, I fear it.

I suppose me being strange, I do love what I fear... but... to love what sickens me? I truly do not understand myself yet, and I thought I did.