After talking to people here over the last 2 weeks, one thing I noticed is that people are here for such a wide variety of reasons. Of course, I think that that is fine. I don't want to pass judgement on that. But I would like to share a few thoughts about the difference between choice and compulsion.

I found that the few people I really enjoy talking to are those who are here because they want to be, not because they need to be (you know who you are!). What I mean by that is that some people are here because they are driven by some compulsions, not because they are just trying to add a little fun to their lives or because they are trying to explore something new. I don't know what kind of situations put people into compulsive states, but I really wonder if being here is helping them or hurting them.

After a lot of hesitation, I finally gave the chat rooms a shot, and apart from 2-3 people who seemed sensible, it was not fun. I think that may have to do with the fact most people are looking for something else. They want me to get naked for them or something, and I don't want to do that! If we don't agree on something like that, it is no big deal. But I was really struck by the air of desperation that people some people seemed to carry.

I should not be surprised that their are compulsive, addicted people on a porn site. But then I also think that the only people who should indulge in watching pornography (or indeed anything in life) are those who can take it or leave it. I am not really passing judgement on anyone here. I think anyone would agree that if you are addicted, you are not helping yourself by indulging the addiction! Of course, all addicts always say that they can take it or leave it. But I think people who truly value their own lives can be honest with themselves at times. 

I am not just talking about addiction for pictures or videos. There are people who are just trying so hard to connect with someone else (in other words, lonely people). I should not be surprised by this at all, but in the short time that I have been here, I have had seemingly sensible people suddenly wanting to cross the boundaries that I have set up for my interactions here. And then they get angry or hurt when I am not as enthusiastic. I am not talking about people who are rude or inconsiderate. I am talking about people who are probably quite nice, but clearly in some unfortunate situation in their lives. I am not complaining that they behaved this way with me - I know that when I choose to interact with people, I am taking that risk. But I really think that people who find themselves behaving this way should think again about whether they are helping or hurting themselves.

I do like connecting with people online, often in a very meaningful way. But even when people become my close friends online, that does not mean that I am going to cross my boundaries. I do have an offline life that is very fulfilling and that I value above anything I may see or experience online. I could permanently walk away from the internet in a moment if necessary. I have made some very good friends over the internet, but I can walk away from them too. That does not mean that I don't care about them, but everything has its place in life. I want to be a good friend within those boundaries, but I did set up those boundaries for very good reasons.

One reason why I can stick to those boundaries is that I am here because I want to be here, not because I need to be here. I find it so important to figure out whether we are doing something out of choice or compulsion. I am not saying all this because I want to tell people how to live or because I want to rant about something. I am only saying all this because there seem to be so many people who seem to be just waiting to fall apart and don't even know it. That is a bit sad. But then, this is the internet and I am not anyone's psychologist. People need to look after themselves.