“Nooooo!” Gaspergirl shouted.  “Get it crated up.  I have customers waiting in Argentina.”  She snatched her hand out of her leather skirt and stood up.  She straightened her skirt back over her really rather shapely hips.  “ I don’t want any… “  She stopped mid-sentence, and took in her two accomplices.  “What are you wearing?” She asked.

The two ‘shit for brains’ accomplices examined themselves.  Maddog was wearing a black track-suit with bright yellow stripes up the sides… and Swivelhips was wearing a ‘Minny Mouse’ t-shirt, ‘Kylie Minogue’ hot-pants… and trainers with heels that lit up every time she moved.  They both looked up at their boss with the hopeless looks of idiots who have just realised what they are.

GasperGirl sighed and shook her head.  “Why do you think I dress like this?” She asked, turning sideways and showing off her really rather shapely breasts through her tailored white shirt… her black tie cascading over the twin crescents of her erect nipples…  “Mmmm?”

Swivelhips looked thoughtful… “Is… is it because it’s professional?”  She asked…

“Noooo!  It’s because we are very very bad people!... and bad people… well, women anyway… must look sexy!!!”  The two idiots nodded their heads vigorously.  “I didn’t become the evil genius I am today by looking like something from an Illinois shopping mall!  No!!!  I rehearse every sneer in the mirror!  I practice my shrill, hysterical voice for hours on end!  When Noel Edmonds gave me a kitten for my birthday, I used it for slapping practice!!!”  She took a few deep breaths before continuing.  Her really rather pretty eyes glistened with hateful madness. 

“Do you see the way the corners of my bright red lips curl down at the corners?... Do you see the cruelty of my black soul displayed in the piercing quality of my really rather pretty eyes?... Do you find it difficult to imagine me machine gunning baby seals and laughing maniacally while I do it???”

She gazed upon the downturned heads of her acolytes…  “Being a totally vile cunt of a bitch is not a gift!”  She exclaimed.  “It is a talent.  A conviction… a calling!”  She took the ‘Iron Cross Exemplar’ from her desk and held it up in the grey illumination of the Gotham City moonlight… “This… is what I was meant to be!  Helga Von Strappon may have been a worthy recipient in her time, but she has been supplanted!  Her evil is little more than leather coat wearing nastiness now!  A new goddess of degradation has taken over!   Her daughter!  Gilda Von Strappon!!!”

Swivelhips and Maddog had a whispered conversation where Maddog quietly explained that GasperGirl wasn’t actually a real name.  Meanwhile… their lunatic boss started rubbing her clitoris again.

Batman (the caped Crusader) and Robin (the boy wonder) had been asked by Commissioner Gordon to cast an expert eye over the security of the Gotham City Tights and Stockings suppository.  Alfred (their trusty butler) had suggested that they carry out this ‘civic’ duty on a Thursday night, as this would be his ‘night off’, and also it was well known that criminals and other miscreants liked to have a ‘clear’ weekend.  Taking the advice of their ‘trusted old friend’, the dynamic pair turned up at the headquarters of Gotham City’s Nylon Gussets Inc, and began their inspection.

Batman cast his ‘slitty’ grey eyes around the building.  He took note of all the possible entrances and exits.  He studied the lighting, the layout of the stock storage areas and the buildings plans of the ventilation shafts.  He checked the alarm system, the fire system, the electrical supply, the water supply, the gas supply, the rubbish collection day, the recycling day and the toilet cleaning schedule. 

He checked the locks, the bolts, the padlocks… the weather conditions for the next three months, the medical history of the ‘doddery’ old Night Watchman, the fridge, the secretary’s draws and the stationary cupboard.

He checked the roof, the cellar, the stairwells, the time, his pulse, the fuse board, the microwave, the computer hard drives, the files, the diaries, the boiler room collection of porn… and the staff changing room…

“Boy Wonder?... What are you doing?”  Robin quickly shoved the 15 denier tan tights back into their box.  “Nothing!” 

Batman looked around the room for signs of scoundrel like behaviour, but found none.  “I think we should go”, said the caped crusader.  “I think we can safely say that Gotham City’s sheer and shiny supply is safe.”

Robin leaned nonchalantly against a condom machine.  “Holy secure tights emporium Batman!”, he said.  Batman looked at his young protégé… “You still doing that ‘holy’ shit?... really?”  Robin shrugged.

Batman then said that he had an important piece of justice to serve at an establishment in Gotham’s ‘business sector, but that he could handle it alone.  He suggested the Boy Wonder make his own way back to the Bat-Cave and that he need not wait up.  Robin stopped trying to ‘toe’ a pair of fishnet tights under the water cooler, and nodded his agreement.  It was moments after Robin heard the Bat-Mobile roar away, that he heard a noise through the air-duct from the building next door.

Maddog was trying on a camp commandant’s uniform and studying herself in a mirror.  She adjusted the ‘deaths head’ cap and fluttered her enormous false eye lashes in an attempt to look authoritative.   She looked round at Swivelhips to ask her opinion, but stopped short when she saw her colleague carefully inserting a toothbrush into her vagina.  “For fuck’s sake Swiv… !”

Swivelhips looked up.  “What?” she said.  Maddog pulled on her jackboots.  “You heard what the boss said, we gotta dress sexy.”  She whacked her riding crop against the side of her boot a few times, trying to get the right degree of impatience and threat into it.  “ You know what she’s like… or have you forgotten that time she made you chuck your Sister in that alligator pool?”

Swivelhips removed the toothbrush… no longer in the mood.  Her Sister had owed her $20 after all.  “I suppose so”, she said begrudgingly.  Swivelhips did want to be a good evil henchwoman… she just lost concentration sometimes.

Robin (the boy wonder) looked down upon the scene from the air duct he had crawled along from the building next door.  To his left he could see Maddog and Swivelhips.  He watched the nazi one help the other one zip up her pvc jump suit and pull on her thigh length boots.  Suddenly he felt a small prawn like movement in his tights… “Funny…” he thought… “Must be the cold air in this shaft!”

To his right he could see a woman who appeared to be beating the crap out of a packing case with a bull-whip.  Her black leather skirt was pulled tight as she assumed the stance to crack her whip and add another splintered hole to the side of the case.   Robin crawled a bit further to get a better look at her.

GasperGirl  gathered in the whip in order to deliver another blow, when a loud crash stopped her.  She looked down the warehouse corridor in the direction of the noise and heard the voices of her two idiot accomplices coming from behind a stack of cases.  She dropped the whip, crossed her arms… and sat on the edge of her desk and waited patiently.  Which wasn’t easy as she had no patience at all.

Eventually, she saw a nazi and a dominatrix carrying between them a small red and yellow figure with green tights and pixie boots.  Not that she had been feeling in anyway anxious; such anxiety as there was, entirely evaporated.   The two henchwomen dropped their catch on the floor in front of her, and Swivelhips gave him a kick with the pointed toe of her boot, just in case he didn’t realise he had been captured.  “We’ve caught him!”  She announced.

GasperGirl was racking her brains.  Vatman and Dobbin?... no.  Oh come on, she thought… I know they had a butler called Albert…  Dobby!... no, that’s Lord of the Rings…

She looked down at Robin who had recovered enough from his fall to be able to check for tight injuries.  “Gusset ok” he murmured.   They all looked down at him for a while.  Then they looked at each other… and then down at Robin again.

GasperGirls tiny store of patience had run out.  “Go and get a chair and some rope, tie him to the chair and place him in full view of everyone!”   Maddog and Swivelhips started looking around uncertainly, until they saw their boss pointing at a big pile of chairs and bits of rope.  They ran and got some of each.

With Robin securely tied and gagged in front of her, GasperGirl strode up and down in front of him.  Her vicious heels echoing around the vast ceiling space.  She suddenly turned and leant into Robins face.  “So!”  she barked.  Then she straightened up and looked at her henchwomen.  “Who put the gag on him?”  She asked.  The two idiots looked at each other.  “How can I get him to answer my questions when he has a gag on him?”

Maddog removed Robins gag.  GasperGirl tried again.  “So!  We meet at last… “  She was twirling a finger in the air and nodding her head as though to beseech Robin to tell her who he was.   “Robin.”  Said Robin.  GasperGirl  threw  her arms up.  “Of course!”  She thought.  “And what brings you here ‘Robin’?”  She exaggerated the ‘rolled ‘R’ of his name… Robin looked up at her.  “I was checking the air-ducts at the Gotham City Tights and Stockings Suppository.”  He answered.

GasperGirl was satisfied that her interrogation had recovered all the useful information she was likely to get, and spun on her heel and went and sat on the edge of her desk again.  “Well, it seems we have a little problem Mr….. Robin”  She said.  “You see, unbeknown to you… you have stumbled upon an operation being carried out by the most evil, despicable and vile criminal mastermind in the history of Gotham City!”  Swivelhips raised a hand indicating she had a question.  One look from GasperGirl was enough to make her put it down again.

“Unfortunately, we cannot afford to leave behind any witnesses.”  GasperGirl went behind her desk and opened one of the drawers.  She took out a long thin case and took from it a large red penknife with a white cross on it.  She gazed upon it lovingly before rubbing it against her breast for a few moments.  “89 instruments of torture… all in this darling little thing!”,  she breathlessly murmured.   Robin began to get nervous for the first time, for he was a callow youth… and not used to the sado-masochistic ways of greed obsessed cum-sluts.

He gazed at the terrible instrument as the hard-nippled bitch gleefully unfolded each piece of Swiss engineered terror!  He tried to control himself, and he was succeeding… right up until the crazed bitch started laughing as she pulled the thing for removing stones from horse’s hooves from its slot!   The hot, snotty tears of shame rolled down his cheeks, slightly discoloured from the die in his mask… and he felt something warm and yet uncomfortable, run down one leg and into a pixie boot.

Just then, the whole scene became darkened.  Some John Williams music started up… and the shadow of an enormous… oh what is it… Bat!... was spread across the warehouse as each character turned to look quizzically off camera.

On top of one of the piles of packing cases, the outline could clearly be seen of a very muscular man with very pointed ears.  He had the shoulders of a bull, the waist of a swimmer, the thighs of a well-endowed turkey,  and a six-pack to make a girl swoon… which Swivelhips instantly did.

GasperGirl was the first to react, and after briefly looking at her pen-knife and dropping it, she went in search of her ‘super-hero electric prod’.  While her tits wobbled about in her tightly tailored shirt as she frantically rifled through her desk…  Maddog had succeeded in slapping Swivelhips awake. 

Batman swooped, his cape forming a paraglider (of sorts)  and grabbing one of the giant fan blades, he dropped down to the floor in front of GasperGirl.  He looked into her really, very attractive eyes.  She looked into his mean ‘slitty’ ones, and then at his six-pack, and then at his Bat-Bulge… and then back at his eyes.  Just then, a loud bang and some sparks close to Batman’s  head caused him to fly off again.  Swivelhips was staggering about on her high heeled shiny boots trying to shoot Batman with her enormous ray-gun… (that nobody knew she had).

Batman crouched in the shadows, high up among the whirring fan blades.  He reached into his utility belt.  Swivelhips was edging towards the struggling figure of Robin.  All those bangs and sparks could spread to next door!... thought Robin… with horror!  Just then… he felt the hot pepperoni breath of swivelhips on his cheek.  He froze.  He gulped.  He felt a bit sick. 

“My Precious…” she breathed into his ear.  Her enormous eye lashes fluttered in front of him.  Then he saw her giant heaving breasts trying to burst their way out of their half zipped pvc prison!  “Mine it is!”  She croaked… and made a lunge for his gusset!

Batman fired his Bat-Time Release-Spray Of Bullets- Pellet into Swivelhips heaving back.  Swivelhips straightened up at the sudden pulled muscle pain she felt in her spine.  She looked down in surprise as her pvc  catsuit began to melt then she staggered back and the ‘firecracker’ of tiny bullets blew her tits to smithereens.  She dropped to her knees.  Her eyes now glazed over… and fell face down in Robins crotch.  Which had now dried off a bit.

Maddog knew that Batman was hiding somewhere.  She crept along between the crates trying to find him.  Her ‘Mauser’ at the ready, she was looking forward to seeing the red explosion of that Bat-Crotch!  She retraced her steps back to the loading bay, and peering round a corner, she saw Swivelhips apparently giving Robin a blowjob.  Robin didn’t look too happy about.  “Perhaps he’s got a rash.”  She thought.  Then she saw him.

Batman didn’t want any more surprises so he decided to examine GasperGirls desk.   He was looking at a copy of ‘Dead Cunts Monthly’ when he heard a sound behind him.  He turned slowly.

Maddog pointed her ‘Mauser’ directly at Batman’s Bat-Bollocks.  She had long dreamed of having an enormous piece of meat thrust into her vagina so far… that it would change her way of thinking.  She looked for ways in which that suit thing he was wearing might be undone.

“So… Maddog… we meet at last!”.  Batman didn’t even look at her gun.  “You know me?” she said…  Batman sat nonchalantly on the side of the desk.  “Of course I know you.”  He smirked (which is difficult in a full-face mask).  “Are you not the owner of the deepest cunt in the mid-west?”

Maddog felt her knees go weak.  The measurements taken at her high school had never been scientifically verified.  In fact they were based purely on the memories of a few hundred ‘football scholarship’ students.  She recovered her composure.

“That was a long time ago!” She barked.  Batman folded his arms.  “Has it shrunk?” He asked… quite reasonably…  Maddog was shaking with anger now.  She pointed the pistol at Batman’s smug looking face, and with the hatred fuelled by a lifetime spent  with a ‘never to be satisfied’ cavern of a vagina… she pulled the trigger.

The dry click that followed did not surprise Batman in the least.  Partly because Alfred had told Bruce Wayne about the unreliability of the ‘Mauser’ pistol when he was a child… and partly because the listed items from the Gotham City Museum of Modern History’s Stolen Items Inventory (Haaaaa!)… had not included any ammunition!

Maddog was indeed now mad.  She reached into her tunic and taking it by the blade, she went to throw the SS ceremonial dagger into Batman’s Bat-Heart.  Just in time, Batman reached behind him and took hold of GasperGirls  bull-whip.  He cast the whip at Maddog and the end of it quickly wrapped itself around her throat.  Maddog dropped her pistol and grabbed at her neck.  Batman looked into her terrified eyes, and tossed the leather woven handle of the whip up into the whirling blade of one of the giant fans.

Maddogs eyes began to bulge as she was hoisted off the floor and she was drawn towards the ceiling.  Batman walked over to the wall where the control box for the fans was situated.  He was just about to stop the fan, when another hand pushed his away.  It switched the control over to fast, and while he looked at the bright red fingernails encrusted with the letter ’G’… he heard the sound of Maddog’s final gurgling before her head was sliced off…  and her body and head made separate thumping sounds as she hit the floor.  GasperGirl looked into his eyes and smiled.  “Let’s not kid ourselves… Only the truly beautiful deserve to survive!” 

Batman looked deep into her eyes.  She did indeed have really rather pretty eyes.  “What do you suggest?”  He asked.  GasperGirl took Batman’s hand and led him over to her desk.  On the way she absently kicked Maddog’s decapitated head which rolled under Robin’s chair… who was now getting quite hysterical.  What with the dead blow job, the wet tights… and the rolling head and everything.

“Imagine if you and I were to team up?”  She laid across her desk and stroked her leather skirted thigh.  “We could do all sorts of ‘good’.”  Batman narrowed his already narrow eyes.  “In what way?”  He asked.  She sat up and gave him a blast of tightly encased cleavage with a black lacy bra border.  She ran a hand down his chest plate.  “We could fight the rich!  Help the poor!  Right the wrongs!”  She looked convincing… but he knew somehow that she was lying.  He decided to call her bluff.

“I need convincing! He said.  “I need to know you are seriously committed to righting all the wrongs.”  She wriggled with pleasure.  “Oh I know I can convince you of anything you big juicy caped crusader you!”

Batman unsnapped a compartment of his utility belt, and drew out his Bat-Vibrator.  GasperGirl stared at the pointy bits on the end and her evil love juices squirted into her ravenous cunt.  “Oh give it to me!”  She squirmed.  She leaned back, drew up her skirt and pulled her knickers aside.

Batman looked at her lips (lower central) and inserted the Bat-Dildo.  GasperGirl unsurprisingly started gasping.  Even as she wriggled and licked her evil lips in ecstasy… she was thinking about how to dump the bat-Freak at the first opportunity.  As she moaned and writhed  Batman took something else out of his utility belt.  She looked up at the identical Bat-Dildo he held in his Bat-Gauntlet.

She stopped gasping.  “What’s that?”  She asked.  “It’s the prototype of the Bat-Dildo you currently have firmly embedded in your evil cunt.”  He said.  Batman then pressed a button on the side and two rather large and sharp Bat-Wings appeared.  Her eyes widened in fear.

Then Batman leaned forward and told her the good news.  “It’s actually a personal fan!”

The dildo tore her vagina apart as she screamed in agony.  Her legs jerked as she rolled off the desk, and she twitched on the ground, her mouth gaping, her eyes wide with terror as she gradually became silent and still.  Her hand still holding the thing that killed her… and still decorated on her nails with a single letter ‘G’.