Since puberty I was fantasizing about genital mods, perhaps it has all started at age 12 when I've first reallised that I've been circumcised and I've never accepted it. I had never heard or read any thing about genital modification such as piercing, meatomy, subincision and castration. I used castration fantasy to masturbate and I though it was disgusting. My first sexual experiences were with women. I've had my fisrt gay experiences at 27, first as a top and I've slowly drifted to bottom. At a certain point my libido was out of control so I started to use anti androgen this went on for 8 years. During this period I was impotent but my libido lower but it was not completely eliminated, my sexual relations were strickly as bottom. I've learned to appreciate it. I now feel very comfortable with it. Mentaly and physically I was diminished, I've found out that a castrated man can not work as hard as an intact man when I switched job from office work to field work, Quitting anti androgen didn't help because I couldn't produce testosterone anymore. about one year later I started Testosterone Replacement Therapy. I feel much better since and my sexual functions have returned back to normal, my libido has remained low and I'm still a bottom by choice. My castrations fantasies are stronger than ever and I'm now considering to be physically castrated.