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Top Things I Hate About Gonzo Porn
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Before I start with
the things I don't like, let me first say I'm a big fan of the Gonzo
genre. If I wanted to watch a feature film with clever story lines, intricate
sets, cgi effects and clever dialogue then I would do just that and watch one
of the thousands of great movies out there. I do not watch porn to meet
any of these criteria, not a single one! I watch porn as I like to see
attractive and passionate women having hardcore enjoyable se. I know
that's not what everyone wants out of porn but I doubt anyone is watching it in
the hopes they may come across a future Oscar winner (mind you that would be
funny to see that happen)!
So let's get down to
it, what things drive me (and many of you crazy) when watching your average
gonzo scene.
Bullshit Interview Intros
I watch the occasional interview with a porn star that I like as sometimes
it's nice to feel like you know them a little better but I cannot stand
the amount of bull shit videos that start with some douche behind the
camera asking idiotic questions to the starlet like "When did you
loose your virginity", "Have you ever done anal before",
"How many scenes have you done"... A master of this crap
would be Skeeter Kerkove (A man who should never be seen on film again!).
Camera Mans Input During a Scene
Often worse than the bullshit interview that often starts off one of these
scene is one where some dick is behind the camera keeps talking through
out the scene, giving directions to the performers and reacting to what's
going on or worse still just every so often muttering about how hot it
looks. Somebody please put tape of the cameraman’s mouth!
Way Too Elaborate Scenarios
Now I like some scenes that have a little bit of a set-up, you know things
like "(ding dong) What do you mean you've got no money for the Pizza,
well maybe you can suck my cock instead?" These can be a funny intro
often and bad acting often improves the scene but when you get 5 mins of
crappy acting with an awkward segue into “hey lets fuck” then it's just
ridiculous. Please understand your limits directors.
Jump Cuts
Porn is not some review video on youtube where it would be boring to see
every bit so skipping the footage makes it more watchable. When I'm
watching porn I'm imagining being the dude stuffing my favourite pornstar,
so when she say "I want you to fuck me in the ass" then I want
to see the transition so I feel like I'm in the moment. What I don't
want is to keep seeing the scene change and suddenly she's on top, he's on
top, he's in her ass, he's in her pussy. If something goes wrong
like a performer falls over, gets hit by the camera or there is a power
cut, the ights go out, a bird flies through an open window and poops into
an actors gaping mouth then okay cut the scene but otherwise please don't
make me miss the action.
Spitting
I'm not talking about the eternal "spit vs swallow" debate here
I'm just talking about ordinary spitting, generally during oral although I
have seen it sometimes during multiple girl scenes where one spits in the
others mouth. Now I'm not a person who is bothered about spitting in
general, if you cough something up and need to spit it out rather than
swallow it then go ahead or if you take a bite of something nasty tasting
then feel free to spit that shit out. During sex I just don't get
the spitting on a cock or spitting on/in a pussy. Yes it can give a
little lubrication but that's not what it’s being used for it's just done
as some kind of foreplay and I for one don't like it and have heard many
people say the same.
Cock Slapping
I like most men like a good blow job, many women like to give them too
(sadly not all) but I've yet to meet someone that says: "You know what
I love, I really love to slap my girlfriend across the face with my
cock" and I'm damn sure there arevery few women that enjoy being
slapped by said cock either. It seems to be most common in oral but
you do see plenty of pussy cock slapping too. I'm not sure who that
is supposed to feel good for but I think it's a weird act that seems to
have caught on.
The Male Face Shot/Male Cum Face
This is a pretty common occurrence in many scenes these days; the action
is going nicely with zoom in a zoom out of various bits of the action but
why would I want to see a close up of some fugly dudes face at any point,
especially climax?! I prefer mf/mmf/mff etc scenes as part of
watching porn includes imagining yourself playing the role of the human
tripod plundering the depths of some hot lady so I expect to see said dude
in action but I don't expect to see him soley on the screen! When
ever I've had sex with a girlfriend I look at her and I've often glanced
at the pair of us in a mirror but I have never just stared at
myself. Perhaps some people do an this shot is designed for those
people?
Women who are doing it for the
pay cheque
Last but not least is women who are very obviously doing it for the pay
cheque and it can be clearly seen in their faces. No matter how hot
a girl is, if they are not into it, I'm not into it. My type of girl
would be a slim attractive blonde with natural breasts and no tattoos or piercings
but three of my favourite pornstars would be Belladonna, Angelina
Valentine & Sandra Romain; there girls are far from my ideal type but
they are all dynamos in their scenes and clearly put everything into their
scenes. More girls like this please!
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Posted on : Feb 23, 2012
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