The last few days were really fucked up. I suffered pretty severe seperation anxiety. My buddy failed a bunch of courses, dropped out of the college, and left me all alone. I was really furious and impulsive. He was sort of like my minion, so our friendship fed into some of my needs, and I didn't anticipate it would be taken away. I'm all fine and level headed now, but damn. Oh, and I created this profile during this anxiety stage. Losing a host makes me risk prone and forces me to search for a new one. My mind pretty much begins revolving around getting my needs met again.

 It's really tough for me to exist all alone, without some kind of person in my life that I can use. I need these little power trips, they charge me up to function. However, to have power, you need to have something people desire. I don't have much power over regular folks. With my buddy, I think it was a sense of safety that I provided. Most normal, vanilla folks don't require that. Heh, they don't even know what fear or horror is. They don't look to be protected or watched over, so I'm fairly useless to them.

 So yea, I'm better now, but my mind is actively searching for a new source of power. I was fine with having a minion. Sure, I couldn't fuck him, but just having someone to push around gave me enough energy to function. Prior to my buddy, it was a woman, initially a very powerful energy source. That shit didn't work out though. With us fucked up people there's a high incidence of things getting emotional and unpredictably chaotic, as well as dangerous to all involved. Which is sad and unfortunate. I had to leave when things went completely and utterly fubar.

 I really am glad that these kinds of people tend to exist. I mean, it's very rare to find a suitable genuinely masochistic and/or submissive person, so that's tough. Seems lonely to have to need this kind of thing. But these connections do happen. You just gotta wait. Somehow, without many words a natural connection forms, and it's very nice when that happens. It's refreshing. It does require some sacrifices though. For one, I have to not hide. I have to act and talk the way I want to. About powerful, dark things, instinctual kind of crap. I have to joke about fucked up and perverted things. Share my mind. So, normal people, the people of suburbs and safety, they don't appreciate that stuff. I'm not really popular amonst them. But, it's worth it because eventually someone like-minded will come along and pick up on this stuff and this kind of connection will happen. Secondly, you have to not waste time trying to be normal.I get almost nothing from normal girls. It just makes me feel bad to have to pretend to be a certain way, and hide. They have nothing I want, and to be honest, I have nothing they want.

 So ya, now that I've got a imagefap profile, maybe someone suitable will stumble across it. I know that odds are low, but I've decided to create a few online accounts on various sites and to start slowly working on them. IRL, it takes long intervals between meeting someone suitable, and these periods of aloneness are hard to get through sometimes. I seem to need minions, so I figured I might as well try to spread a wider net, up the chances. Nothing to lose.