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quid pro quo.. yes or no?
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let's see if the words measure up
l a t e l y . . .
difficult to get a GRIP on what's real and my suspicions, it's really dragging me down. i feel alone, but i know that i'm not. i'm just ashamed of what i've become. ashamed, perhaps paralyzied by my own conscience.. or unwilling to move on, unwilling to think, unwilling to fight. is there some fire left in the boy? does he have what it takes?
usually, i find it in me sooner or later. waiting is a painful process, i hate waiting. it's like fingernails being draw across an old spaghetti strainer, a cruel sound driven into your eardrums. it violates everything inside of you that was peaceful, disturbing really.. i doubt it can last forever. freedom is there for the thinking, driven by my own desire for tranquility. harmony. happy days. i hope i can find it soon.
i talked to samantha again, late at night she is one of the few that still draws waking breath. she was very nice to me, gave me some inspiring words to keep me going. i wanted her again, but it was all too late. i cannot offord to be torn in so many ways these days, it's better to just put forward, give it the best you've got. keep going, one foot in front of the other. make good decisions, progress.
halloween approaches.
let's make a hannibal mask.
i am at least content with what i have written here today. sometimes, i just cannot communicate what i am thinking, these words poured from me like wine. perhaps my head is finally clearing.
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Posted on : Oct 21, 2007
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