Well, much has happened in the week or so since I last posted. First of all, I have met a few new, interesting people and that is very nice.

But there have also been a few changes with Lois, in the physiological/psychological area. The most important is that I have escaped the tyranny of my male organ. Men are often accused of thinking with their dick, and I confess that too often it was true of me. Normally, I am not a violent person, and when I do get angry, I am usually able to channel it toward an inanimate object. The next most frequent target is me. I can count on one hand the number of times that I have had a physical fight with someone. The same is true for verbal shouting matches. Hey, I’m from the “Make Love, Not War” generation, right?

Even so, if my body is essentially female, then all that extra testosterone flowing through was causing an imbalance. And imbalances are not good things. So my “testosterone rage”, if you will, was manifesting itself as an out of control desire to masturbate. Now I am not saying that masturbation is a bad thing, but the out of control part is.

It would go in cycles in my adult life. And it didn’t start until I was 28. That was the age at which I lost my virginity (as a male with a female). As I have been typing this, I have been wracking my brain trying to remember if I ever masturbated at all before my first sexual relationship. If I did, it wasn’t memorable and it probably wasn’t very effective. Two things that I shared previously come to play here. First is that I had very little practical knowledge of how sex worked until my first sexual relationship (which, in fact was my first relationship of any kind). There were no sex education classes when I was in junior high or high school. I received absolutely no information from my father, none from my older brother (who I’m fairly certain is straight, but was also inhibited sexually by the same household climate) and just enough information from my mother to barely scratch the surface. (All I remember was that I didn’t do anything to be ashamed of if I had a wet dream and don’t have sex until you are married.) At some point I found my brother’s small stash of Playboy magazines and read them. But even there, a lot of what I read went over my head because I didn’t know the basics. And I never found locker room/raunchy guy humor very funny or attractive. While I was popular enough in school (I survived my one personal bully in 6th grade), I didn’t really ever talk sex with the guys I hung around with. And the older I became, the more embarrassed I would have been to admit I didn’t know. My few attempts at dating (or even asking a girl to dance at the rare party I went to) were clumsy, clueless and unsuccessful.

The second thing was that by the time I was 28, I had bought a number of adult magazines. But they were not of the Playboy variety. Instead, they had titles like Female Mimics and Ladylike. Often I would be attracted to the TG’s in the magazines. But it was at much admiration and marvel at how they were able to look so feminine. Sometimes there would be articles on how a man could look like a woman. But until I broke up with my first lover, I had never lived alone. So there wasn’t any real opportunity to practice those tips. And for a few years after I began to live alone, I had other priorities: dealing with heartbreak, financial survival and building a career being the foremost.

And there was one other thing: my male libido was finally awakened. (Repression is a common theme in my life!) While I preferred the foreplay over the copulation, I never got any complaints in the performance department. So whatever I may have lacked in equipment, I made up for with technique. And I did receive pleasure from having a male orgasm.

Thus began a new pattern in my life. Get distracted by a major project in my life and when the project slowed down or ended, try in vain to masturbate away my sexual frustrations. Receive some major spiritual insight in my life and get enmeshed with that for a while; when the spiritual high tapered off and the burdens of everyday life began to increase frustration levels, the masturbation periods would return. Getting involved in a new relationship meant that I had a sexual release and didn’t need to masturbate; then the relationship would end and the need would reassert itself. And one other thing: now when I acquired TG related material, it often would be more pornographic and I would masturbate to that, too. Lois had wanted that material for herself. It appeared that she was losing her one last refuge to my male side.  But she bided her time and waited and waited some more.

It finally got to the point a few months ago that I was completely out of control with my masturbation. Just like the cigarette commercial from days long ago, I was masturbating more now and enjoying it less. It was taking me longer to get hard, the climaxes were less satisfying and the whole process was becoming more and more frustrating. And the more frustrating it became, the more I felt I needed to do it to get over the frustration. Perhaps you know one of the definitions of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result.

And I think that was finally the opening that Lois needed. I certainly did not want to go insane or totally out of control. But I had to admit that was where I was headed. And it was as if the Lois part of me said to my male side, “I’ve given you more than enough time to get things right. I’m taking over now.”

My male side did not roll over and play dead. My original reason for coming to ImageFap was to find more masturbation material. But Lois was not going to sit back any longer. More and more she kept asserting herself, as she subtly guided and steered my path.

As of a little over a week ago, it appears the war between my male and female sides is over. Maybe it was like the way an oil well fire gets put out. Maybe it was the influence of the new regimen I have embarked on. (I am not ready to endorse it yet. I will not recommend this path to anyone else until I know more about its long-term effects and its other pros and cons.) Perhaps it is a combination of forces. All I know is that the desire to masturbate my male organ is almost totally gone. On a scale of 100 as the highest score, a month ago the desire was at a 98 level. Now I would say it is about at a 12. I am focusing more and more now about getting sexual pleasure from my breasts (and my nipples are getting quite hard and sensitive most of the time, thank you) and my boi pussy. However, the need to stimulate them is not nearly as intense. I don’t need to do it every day, nor do I feel the need to do it to climax most of the time. But I have experienced what I perceive to be two female climaxes – the kind that engulfs the entire body, turns the mind to mush and did not affect my male organ one bit. All I can say is, “Wow! Lois, what took you so long?”

There are a few other things going on also. I am working on ridding my body hair, although my facial hair is proving to be a tougher challenge than I anticipated. But there are plenty of methods out there. I have started wearing clear nail polish, both to strengthen my growing nails and to get the practice of applying nail polish. I am starting to file and shape the nails, too. My hair is long enough to brush, and I am starting to do that differently and for more strokes to give it more body and to retrain it. I am starting to wear female scents and I am working more diligently on problem areas of my skin. I purchased a vinyl measuring tape so I can take accurate measurements and purchase women’s clothing for myself. I have also ordered items regarding makeup and retraining my voice. And I have begun to research local chapters of transgender resource groups and plan on contacting them this week.

I also am starting to change the way I use ImageFap. Instead of checking out the new galleries at large, I will probably mostly be going to the pages of my closest friends. I will check out what they are posting of their own galleries, their own favorites or their own blogs. The first reason is that I just don’t need that much arousal material any more, and I am more concerned now with the personal relationships. Second is that more than half the time I sign on to the site, I am spending too much time clicking on my security software to eradicate the adware that keeps latching onto my computer. The third reason is the recent posting by the ImageFap administrators about all the web sites that object to having their images reposted here. Because the list is so long and I don’t have the time to check out each picture, I will no longer favorite any galleries where it appears that the source of the picture was a commercial website. In fact, I will probably start to remove any such galleries from my favorites list. (Of course, if I have favorited your personal pictures, those galleries will not be removed.)

Finally, I simply have too much to do. Number one on the list is cleaning up the pig sty that my male side has made out of my apartment. I want to live in nicer surroundings. And who knows? The opportunity to entertain might arise sometime in the future!

Love,