I had to go to the supermarket last night. I figured that while I was there, I could pick up a few basic things related to my journey to womanhood. I live in a populated suburban area, and though the store is often crowded, I rarely see anyone I know. So if I went in with a list - or maybe even bring my cell phone and pretend to be talking to a wife or girlfriend - it would look like I was picking up items for someone else. I mean, I am not anything close to passible yet.

So what happens? The second aisle I walk down, I see someone that I know very well from the same apartment building where I live.  He's there with his wife and kids. A couple of aisles later, I see a different man - from behind he looks exactly like a man I used to work with. I get to the last aisle in the store and there is man #1 again, the one who lives in my building. He, his wife and kids are talking with another tenant from my building, someone I also know very well. 

There are about 100 apartments in my building. I probably know 10% of them very well and am on speaking terms with another 10%. That means that even of people who live in my building, 80% of them I barely know and wouldn't think twice if they happened to see what I had in my basket.

But these people where all in the top 10% of my acquaintances. It's a good thing I saw the first guy right away. Would have been hard to explain what was in my basket.  Just what I need - an attack of karmic paranoia.  Guess I will have to do my femme shopping further away from home or online.

(Now there is another man in my building ... he has looks to die for and is nice, too. I wouldn't mind if he noticed me down the road when I [hopefully] look a lot better. But he does have another woman in his life right now .)

Well, I knew all along this would not be easy. If it was, I would have done it long ago. False hopes can be just as bad as dashed hopes. I need to be realistic - feet on the ground and head out of the clouds - if I have any hope of succeeding.

Love, Lois