Hello dear reader, wherever you may be!

I am presently sitting on the throne in our very quiet apartment, doing my number two business -- which, as a bonus, provides the optimum time to make a blog entry here. Woo-hoo, right? haha. Sorry -- a bit giddy as the business down under is going very well. Anyway, enough of my bowel functions. For now. Here is the link to the most recent book I uploaded on Amazon Kindle (Roomie said last night she would bitch slap me if I didn't post it today):

Sappho Surprise Volume Two - A Camper's Tale     http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005J7L4IG

There! Much like experiencing relief from the pressing urgency of having to take a dump. Do you suppose it's unlady-like of me to use such terms?

"Gee, I'm busy taking a shit right now."

"Tell them I'll call back. I'm dropping a deuce as we speak."

"I'm on the crapper handing out Brown University diplomas!"

The truth is all women do have bowel movements. The MILF in your office? She probably wipes left-handed. The blond-hair girl in class? She has a good three or four sessions each day. The retail sales assistant (me)? You know the crotch of her panties bears a trace of caramel.

Here's a test for you to take: The first three attractive women you see today, picture each of them wiping up after a refreshing session in the bathroom. Is she meticulous? Or in a hurry? Does she even wipe at all?

I knew a girl in college who would simply drop a load and walk off -- kind of like hitting the game-winning home run in the bottom of the ninth. She could also crap outdoors like it was nobody's business! haha-chuckle. We'd go on road trips, stopping along the way to relieve ourselves in the bushes (or, brazenly, in an open parking lot!), and she would squeeze one out while peeing. It was an amazing talent, to be sure, as she never carried an odor with her. I was and am envious of her ability -- like she possessed a self-cleaning anus.

Well, time to wipe myself! I'm a righty and prefer to double-fold the paper. One wipe down along my vulva, then apply pressure up into the anus and crotch. I drop the first pass directly into the bowl and ease myself up into a bent position, bottom pushed out and cheeks spread. The second wipe -- again double-folded -- attacks from the rear and massages my anus in a circular motion. Again, direct drop into the bowl. Depending on the debris factor (was it a messy one? does it feel as though I smeared my crack full? etc.) I sometimes opt for subsequent wipes until the ol' anus is feeling sparkling and new.

On occasion, I've used washcloths, medicated wipes, facial tissue. One time -- outdoors -- I was obligated to use my panties and leave them behind! We laughed about some poor soul showing up moments after and finding that surprise! In fact, that was a segment of one good road trip that I may write about. Very funny stuff and a good bonding experience. It was part, too, of how I came to meet Roomie, which makes it even more significant.

All these words will not the wiping complete! So, I'll sign off now and tend to polishing my bum -- best wishes for a grand day!

VK