This probably the most person blog I may ever write.

I am at a crossroad in my life.  Roughly four years ago, I met through a friend of a friend of a friend, a girl from Scotland on the Internet.  She was fourteen, I was sixteen.  We instantly clicked, and we became good friends.  Then over the course of Winter we became best friends, at least as close as two people can get on-line.  We shared deeply personal thoughts and feelings, and it was great.  This was the closest I had ever gotten to a girl, and I started to have strong feelings for her.

As Summer approached, she began to date this guy.  At first, I was OK with it, but then I became jealous of him.  Eventually, I told her I loved her.  This might all seem normal, except I'm gay and I was and am still in a relationship with another man.  I tried to back out, and say it was as friend because I most certainly do love her as a friend, very deeply, but the damage had been done.  For nearly a year we struggled making friends of it, then we stopped talking altogether. 

Eleven months later we started talking again.  At first, I was just the friend, but as her relationship with her current boyfriend deteriorates, I'm being drawn in emotionally to this girl.  She's amazing and attractive, and I can't help feeling strongly for her.  Yet I'm in a relationship, to a guy I admire, respect, and love just as dearly.  I've never been with a girl, I've never fallen in love with one, and I've certainly never, ever had this kind of emotional connection to one.  Yet I can't help but feel something for her, and I can't help but want something more with her.  But it is scaring the hell out of me.

Sexuality is not something you can turn on or off, so why when she needs me do I feel so much emotionally for her?  I've never gotten a hard-on over a girl, yet sitting there just talking to her about nothing I get hard.  I wasn't thinking about sex, we weren't talking dirty, nor were we exchanging nude photos.  As well, every time I have sex, every time I go to sleep, I can't help but think about her.

My best friend is Danny.  My friends are Danny's friends.  I've been disowned by my family since I was 16 and was kicked out of the house.  I don't know if I should  take a leap of faith and try to make a go with her, or try to let it go and move on with my life as it is.  Nothing makes much sense anymore.  If things don't work out with her, what do I have?  I'll have lost a guy who I enjoy personally, emotionally, and sexually.  I may even lose my friends.

I would appreciate comments.