What's sexy about same-sex sex? For those who are not aficionados of men who love men, the question may seem either intriguing or odd--or, perhaps, for those men who characterize themselves as "curious" about gay sex--both. For those of us who love to watch (and to perform) oral and anal sex with another of our own sex, the question is likely to seem merely irrelevant.
We love sex with other men because we love other men. We love everything about them: their hair, their eyes, their lips, their facial hair (when they have any), their shoulders, their chests, their six-pack abs, their pubes, their cocks, their balls, their thighs and calves, their backs and buttocks, the way they smile, how they talk, the way they walk--everything.
We also like the mirror-image effect that occurs when two men make love. We witness not merely one set of genitals and one pair of buttocks (or one mouth) in action, but two of everything, and everything looks (more or less) the same, as if one participant were mirroring his lover's, or his beloved's, body with his own. Watching a thick, hard cock penetrate a pair of firm, compact buttocks while the impaled party's own cock, erect or flaccid, juts or hangs idle is arousing, as is the sight of a rounded pair of men's lips pumping back and forth and up and down upon a rigid erection.
There is variety in same-sex sex, too, not so much in the sexual activities in which gay guys indulge themselves (these are actually quite limited, after all--there's not much else besides anal, manual, and oral), but in the partners themselves, the positions they adopt, the settings in which they engage in sex, and the like. Of course, the pursuit and capture (and conquest) of the beloved by the lover is fun to observe, too, and often differs from one case to the next.
There is always a dominance-submission element to same-sex sex that involves members of the male sex, and this contest of wills, reflected in physical and sexual competition, mastery, and acquiescence, is also exciting to watch as it unfolds toward its emotional, physical, and sexual climaxes. To my mind, the ejaculation of one man's semen into another man's face, onto his chest or belly, onto his pubes or legs, over his back, and especially onto or across his buttocks or into his anus is like a brand that demonstrates possession, or ownership, making the man who receives the semen upon his naked person the property of the one who so "marks" him. This display of ownership is also very sexy.
The rippling muscles, especially of the penetrating participant, and the facial expressions of both parties often reinforce the dominant-submissive character of same-sex sex, suggesting the strength and power of the penetrating party and the acquiescence and, sometimes, discomfort of the penetrated participant. The facial expressions of the parties show that one is the master, the other the mastered. Frowns, furrowed brows, clenched or gritted teeth, open mouths, and grimaces, usually on the part of the penetrated party, suggest invasion, occupation, possession, conquest, and surrender. However, despite such expressions, the participants are also apt to smile, demonstrating their fondness for the sport in which, whether actively or passively, in dominance or in submission, they are mutually engaged. They want to fuck and to be fucked, to master and to be mastered, to dominate and to submit--and their pleasure in doing so is also intensely sexy.
Because most men find women to be hot commodities and because the caveman days of bopping a woman over the head and dragging her home by her hair are well past doing, women have acquired an elevated status that men have not had since the days of ancient Greece. In other words, as the pursued, they exercise a great deal of influence and even control over their pursuers.
Women are all but worshiped by many of the horny heterosexual males who seek, even if only for a night, to mate with them. As a result, men have been devalued to the point that some women (mostly lesbian feminists, but some heterosexual, or supposedly heterosexual, women as well) no longer feel a need or even a desire for men in their lives, to say nothing of their beds; the male of the human species is quickly becoming, if not extinct, unnecessary, and he is being, more and more, by women, treated as such. Same-sex sex that involves members of the male sex excludes women, thereby elevating the status and the value of men again (at least among gay men), to the pre-feminist-lesbian position that men once enjoyed in Western society.
Indeed, same-sex sex is dismissive of reproduction altogether, because, obviously, whether gay sex involves male participants or female parties, neither variety of homosexual coupling can result in the conception of a child. Same-sex sex is not about reproducing the species; it is about pleasure and, I submit, dominance and submission; its center and its basis is one of power and powerlessness, of strength and weakness, of aggression and passivity, of taking and giving, of conquest and surrender, in which one party demonstrates his superiority over the other and thereby demonstrates, both to himself and to the man whom he has mastered, his mastery and pre-eminence.
In so doing, same-sex sex also suggests that an anus and a rectum are as good as labia and a vagina, that semen is as desirable for its decorative and symbolic value (for example, as an irrefutable sign of arousal or as a brand declaring ownership) as it is for its potential for fecundation, and that other men can replace women as sexual objects and as lovers, once more taking women from the pedestals that they otherwise occupy because of their physical, sexual, and reproductive capabilities. If sex can be about pleasure instead of reproduction, anyone who is capable of providing such pleasure becomes desirable, regardless of his or her sex or gender. Males as potential lovers are elevated to equal (or even superior) status alongside women.
The sexiness of the non-reproductive nature of man-to-man sex is further enhanced when the impaled participant ejaculates while he is being fucked, for the viewer can imagine that the ass fucking of which he is the recipient is the cause of his ejaculation or, to phrase the same matter the other way around, that his ejaculation is the result of his being ass-fucked by another man. This outcome is enhanced, as it were, when the impaling party subsequently ejaculates upon the impaled party.
Although oral sex, or cock sucking, may not be a precursor to anal intercourse, when it does precede ass fucking, fellatio can also enhance anal sex when the cocksucker is the same person who will be subsequently anally impaled, because the circumference of the circle formed of the cocksucker's lips while he is engaged in fellatio suggests the extent to which his anal sphincter will be dilated when the same penis later penetrates the impaled party's asshole.
As far back as the days of ancient Greece, the passive participant in anal intercourse was regarded, especially if he was an older rather than a younger man, as engaging in scandalous conduct. His allowing another man to penetrate him anally suggested that he was less than a true man, that he was akin, in fact, to a woman, or second-class citizen, as someone who had been unmanned and was, therefore, effeminate, soft, and weak. The penetrating party, however, not only retained his manhood, but was also apt to be regarded as a hyper-masculine, of alpha, male, a real man's man, as it were. This idea is perpetuated in the attitudes of many men today: among Latinos, for example, as among prison inmates, the penetrated man is regarded as a woman or a "bitch," while the penetrating party retains his manhood and, in fact, is often thought of as being hyper-masculine.
Although this essay has explored some of the ramifications of same-sex sex between members of the male sex, many of its observations apply to same-sex sex between members of the female sex, or lesbians, as well. A Sapphic lover loves another woman as she loves herself, appreciating the mirror images that another woman's feminine accoutrements provide in relation to her own: breasts, pudendum, and buttocks are mirrored and multiplied so that femininity becomes all but overwhelming. Lesbians have as much variety in age, partners, positions, and settings as male homosexuals enjoy. Dominance and submission are apt to play as significant a role in female same-sex sex as they play in male same-sex sex. The importance of men as potential sex partners is significantly reduced if not altogether destroyed among lesbians, just as the importance of women is degraded with regarded to men who indulge in same-sex sex with other men. No doubt, many dissimilarities also apply between lesbian and male homosexuals, but this essay will not address these differences, as it has been concerned, primarily, with the sexiness of same-sex sex between members of the male sex.
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