What is sex?

The actual exchange of fluids in one of hundreds of possible ways?

The sexy glint in another's eye that gets you aroused like no nude can?

And, who - or what - should the 'other' be?

The older I get the more confusing yet interesting the whole thing seems to get. Growing up I was probably like everyone else, fixated on girls and looking way down the road, having the ideal image of a happily married man with two kids and a house with the white picket fence. Well, getting married was the easy part - making it work a little harder and it eventually fell apart. Even during the last years of marriage I began to experience different curiousities, it all started in a bookstore. Going there on occasion (and I mean on occasion, ~ 1/month) to cruise the foreign materials displayed on the walls and eventually end up getting manual relief in a video-booth, I had several 'odd' experiences.

One evening, while checking out the toy section in the lobby again, I felt something. It was as if my butt was heating up/ catching on fire. A weird sensation. I turned around and there was a guy across the room looking my way. I returned back to perusing the displays and had the sensation return several times. After leaving I was wondering if I 'felt' the dude staring at my ass ... ? I know, it sounds strange - but I think if a chick can tell that you have been ogling her, that is what it must feel like. Somehow this planted the seed for a new world of curiousities. Even so it never happened again, it stuck with me. the thought that someone was lusting over my rear end .... It was a sexy feeling mixed with a certain degree of sluttyness. I experienced something like this a few years before, although more innocently and dismissed it quicker then; I was dressed as a woman for a Halloween party - no conscious sexual alternative - just something I did. On the way home from the party, slightly tipsy and alone with my thoughts I had the same feeling, being sexy and somewhat dirty, or slutty. This time the thought lodged itself in my head with a little more persistence.

Having led a pretty sheltered sex life all along I usually just visited the arcade and left after completing my business. One thing I found odd were the holes cut between some of the booths, this is how naive I was ...... Wanting my privacy I usually opted for the one's without holes, even so they still had mini-holes drilled in them, about 1/2" in diameter. Those didn't bother me too much, I started to find the possibility of being watched an extra turn on. At the same time I sometimes checked on the other side as well and was occasionally rewarded with a glimpse of a guy stroking and displaying his hard-on. All this went on for years without me being the wiser as to what really goes on these arcades. I just enjoyed the atmosphere, the perceived associated taboo of it all, the darkness and the scent.

The next milestone was reached when I was out of town and, lucky enough, found a seedy bookstore to go check out and possibly relief some pressure. This place was a little different; it was just a bookstore in the front with the arcades being in a seperate area in which you had to be buzzed into. I saw why when I entered the arcade area; it wasn't my small town store with the little private booths - this place was an adult playground where I was greeted by several guys standing in the hallway stroking their meat.I had never seen something like this before; everyone acted as if it was perfectly normal to either get naked or just pull your dick out and start helping yourself. It was amazing. I walked into what seemed like a zig-zag hallway with openings to video lounges, arcades and generally just dark areas. This was so much better than staring at shrinkwrapped toys ......

Not knowing the etiquette and what was acceptable behavior I stuck with just taking in the various sights. After a while I settled in a small room with a monitor hoping to get my wank out of the way and leave. I was just about to unzip when an older guy came in, he must have been late 50's or early 60's. For a while we both just stood there and nothing much happened; he, apparently knowing more about all this than me, moved over to where I was standing and I felt his hand along my side, first bumping into me softly as if by accident then caressing my thigh. Wow. What an instant turn on that was. I was nervous and kept my view aimed at the screen. after a while he grew bolder and started rubbing my butt and sometimes brushed over my groin. When he resorted to outright groping my ass, sqeezing my cheeks or spreading them lightly, I almost shot my wad right into my pants. I never felt that excited in my life before. Here I was in a strange town, having someone feel me up all around the waist and I was loving every second of it. Soon others came in but the old man remained undetered.  I could not see what everyone was doing in the darkness of the room, but the thought of being watched while this guy was having his way with feeling my up was an added bonus. By now he was running his hand under my shirt, squeezing my nipples and rubbing my belly with his fingertips slightly pushing down the front of my pants. Although it was exhilerating I was afraid of what might happen soon, especially with more people in the room and I decided to leave.

The experience was awesome, I never felt so charged in my life and enjoyed having been the center of someone's attention, someone lustfully exporing my body. Upon returning to my hometown, another visit to the local store was inevitable. I was going to 'go all out' and visit a booth with the big holes, hoping that someone would watch and perhaps play with my butt. Even so the visit was a good one it again displays my naivity when it comes to the proper etiquette or codes used in these places.

Having settled in a booth I soon found a good chick flick and pulled my dick out for some rubbing and also to display it a little if someone was watching. Of course you probably know where this is headed, keep in mind - I led a sheltered life and really didn't see it coming. A finger appeared in the hole, rubbing the rim of it. I was perplexed. What was that supposed to be? It would rub a little and dis-appear, then rub it again. I was curious, when the finger dis-appeared again I decided to do the same thing. lol, yes. Imagine the look on my face when a thick meaty cock pushed it's way into my side of the wall.  I have no idea how long I just sat there with sheer disbelief. It seemed like hours before I actually reached out and took it in my hand; it was electrifying. I just held on to it, savoring the odd yet pleasing feel of it when the owner of this snake decided it was getting a little boring for him and withdrew it. I felt robbed. Again, his finger appeared at the whole and he motioned for me. This was going to be great, I would get felt up by someone ....... I slid my dripping member through the hole and again was surprised to not be greeted by hands stroking me or fondling me but by a warm, wet, silky feeling mouth. He must have had it up to the hole and I slid right into a truly amazing sensation. Never had a woman been able to create these sensations before; I was literally clawing at the wall. It didn't take long for this talented mouth to complete it's mission and I went into a tremendous orgasm, all the while he is sucking in all I have to offer. Confused, somewhat embarressed but also swimming in pleasure I left hurriedly.

What just happened? Was this normal? A whole wave of thoughts kept churning away in my mind and I didn't return to the place for some time, needing to figure this out first. The things I knew were that it felt nice feeling someone else's meat and the bj was definetly out of this world. As far as the rest of it all I couldn't make sense of it. What used to be an innocent trip to the bookstore was now looked at as a trip to the gay store, at least in my mind. Whereas I didn't really care much if someone saw my car there before, with my newfound knowledge it would now be an embarrassment. Eventually desire had gotten the better of me and I returned. I still spent most of my time focusing on women and didn't care to be with guys, the desire to give a handjob to someone else as well as the wish of a repeat of this awesome oral experience remained however. So, over the next year I went to experience many nice blow jobs and actually managed to get a guy to come by stroking him off. I was pretty proud of myself.

It's probably normal to wonder after a while, what it would feel like to actually be the one giving the blowjob. This has been a desire for me on which I kept tripping over my own mind. Being worried about diseases etc. I wouldn't just 'go for it'. I'm also not too much into the male body, not a hugger, kisser etc. I tried putting a rubber onto someone at the arcade but he must not have liked the idea and left. So I opted for the next best thing, I got me a dong. This allowed me to imitate what it must be like while not having to deal with a hairy, sweaty body attached to it. Of course it was interesting and new at first but I soon gave it up knowing it was a poor substitute. My attention was drawn to sexy women yielding strap-ons instead, how much better could it get? I mean, you had a nice lady with sexy curves, a full bossom and a loving, almost motherly smile. Oh, and she was sporting a 9" supercock non-chalantly jutting out from between her legs as if it was everyday attire. Yum.

The fantasies surrounding women with strapons occupied my mind for the time to come. Where do people find something like that? I mean, you don't just walk up to your girlfriend and hand her a strap-on, expressing your thoughts on the subject. How do you people do it?

Discovering the stunning world of transexuals and transvestites a few more months down the road supplemented the previous desires. Here was a creature looking at you with a female mind, often in sexy bodies with an object of desire firmly attached between their legs.

It's been many years now since my curiousity first arose and still have not acted on the next stage so to speak, experiencing a cock in my mouth. Shyness, fear of being found out and fear of diseases have kept this fantasy confined to, well - fantasy.