I am a very needy whore.  Fantasies of being used, abused, frightened, slapped around sometimes consume my whole day...they certainly consume my thoughts while laying in bed at night.

My favorite play is violent rape play...I just fucking love the physical force, being overpowered, unable to fight him off...I would do this kind of play every fucking day if I could.  I am also enjoying being his slut/whore/fuckpig,  more and more ... but I don't think it or anything else will ever surpass my passion for rape play.

I have no problem communicating what I want, being explicit about how I feel and being downright nasty in the stories I write and in the recaps of my play scenes ... but, writing is the easy part, I can reach down into the darkest places inside me and be totally open and free to express it without being looked at like a freak.  I've actually apologized, in the past, for asking for what I want because I was told I was fucked in the head, like there was something wrong with me...I don't want to have to apologize for it anymore.

I still hold back when I'm face to face with someone, I don't know why...the one I play with the most, the one I trust with some fantasies no one else knows about, would love for me to be reduced to a dirty, nasty, desperate, begging, horny fucking pig of a slut. 

 So why the hell can't I just let loose?  I know he would never betray the trust I have in him, he wouldn't belittle me for being me ... just the opposite, he would love for me to get to this state.  And, when I think about it, when I lay in bed fantasizing...I am the nastiest whore around.

I want to become this woman in my head...he's working on me, making me talk more, making me ask for what I want (even though I'm still a tad self conscious about asking for anything nasty) but, I want to do it on my own, I want it to come naturally because it's naturally in me.

Any constructive advice on becoming more verbal and losing that last bit of "shy" I have in me would be appreciated.