First once more I start to reveal my day-to-day pests which hinder me. The ownership of the pharmacy which I manage was traded from one company to another. The only problem is that the communication between the two partners in this buisness is anything but good. So the previous owner didn't psy the phone bill of the pharmacy for the previous 2 months. And forgot to tell the new owner about the bills. I didn't even know about the issue because the bills go directly to the management of the company, not to the pharmacy. So the phone provider shut off the line. No outgoing calls, no e-mail, no internet at all. It's so good that every buisness or bureacratic activity of the pharmacy is linked to net. So the work here was totally crippled. Today I brought our USB stick for cellular net from home to maintain the "almost normal" level of quality here. Well, "Life is not easy as a pie, comrades." (It's a weak translation of a cultic sentence from a cultic Hungarian film "A tanú" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065067/ Although you had to live a communist country to really understand. :)

But it's time to return to my normal log.

In my previous entry I foretold a bitter scenario of ending my relationship with my girlfriend. This event vas anticipated but I didn't expect it coming so soon.

After I finished the entry I went home. At dinner I pulled my arm towards her, I wanted to feel her hands. She saw the polish still on my nails and asked why hadn't I removed it at morning. I answered that I like my nails polished no matter I was at home or at work. She understood what did it mean and started crying. There was an unnerving tense in the air until we went to sleep.

She could not hold back her tears more asked me crying: "Is that so important for you?"
"What's important for me?" I asked back.
"To be like a girl."
"Yes it is so important for me."
"This is the end then." She replied and cried in a more heartbreaking way. "Do you want to look like a transvestite?" She continued. You would have hear how she told that word...
"I AM one." More crying.
"No, you are a cool guy."
"I never was a cool guy. Not even a real guy at all."
...
That was a very elevating conversation, believe me.

To make the story short we disputed a lot long into the night with lot of crying on her behalf and a lot of sighing on my. She told me what I knew: she wouldn't live with another girl, moreover a girl who was a guy. 
She told me a bunch of reasons to remain man in the daylight. The most important was her question that who would come into a pharmacy led by a TV. Touche. We live a very provincial little town, lots of people knows us. The rumor would spread like the wind. It would really ruin the pharmacy. And she knows how I love my profession. Of course she knows, she taught me to be a decent pharmacist.

So I retreated as always. I can never win an argument against her. She always outmanoevres me with her reasons or with emotions. So we made a deal: I remain man (at least a techically neutral person in man's clothes) at day, and I can be anything I want. I told her I would change my appearance anyway. I would permanently make remove by laser my beard, and every filament of body hair which I couldn't reach with depilator (it would cost a lesser fortune but I didn't care) and pluck out my eyebrows in order to create a decent bow. And I would pierce my right ear. My left one is pierced at four places, but I need earrings in both of my ears when I am girl. No matter that I would act as a "man". She accepted my terms.
The hightened emotions calmed down. A quarter of an hour later I told her about the hormone pills I take. She had discovered me taking estrogen pills a year before and convinced me to giv up this habit. Once more I have taken them secretly for a month and a half and told her it of my own will. She accepted this fact and didn't want me to give up once more. She said that she had seen the list which I had written 2 months before. Just asked how we would go to public baths or wellness hotels if I would have tits. Would I remain at the room while she swims? I told her I'd put on a bikini and simply we don't know each other while we are there. Without anyfilament of bristle on my face I would pass as a girl with small breast. At least I hope so.

The next evening I asked her which name was the best for me as a girl: Sabrina (it was my personal favorite) , Angela or Sophia. She chose Sophia (Zsófia in Hungarian language). That would have been my name if I was born girl. Sophia is a nice name, it's a good name. Ad unam, I keep my parents' will in a way. Ad duo, Sophia is the female part of God, the mother of wisdom. I knew about that the Old One has a feminine part but didn't ascribe any significance to this. But in my place it has great significance: if God can have feminine part I can have as well, can't I? So this name holds great power. This name justifies my every step in my way. Now I see, this name was the best choice, far better than the other two.

So now I am Sophie Taylor, a t-girl who roleplays man, dr. Andrew Taylor MSc, the pharmacist at day and in public. That's no problem for an old an experienced roleplayer as me, although now I don't play a wizard, paladin, bard or cleric just a male... :)

This dispute between us was inevitable but I am content of its results. I won a bunch of minor victories which led me forward on my way and I didn't lost my love.

So I'm more than happy now.

Huge hugs and kisses, sweet ones!
(stolburk or rather) Sophie