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I am looking for someone who can put me in touch with a drug-addicted
person, or a poor drug-addicted person with an STD.
Hello, I am looking for someone who can put me in touch with a poor
drug-addicted person, or a poor drug-addicted person with an STD or
hand me over to him. Or can someone tell me where such people spend
time online, for example, in forums or on websites?
I would like to go to someone like that s home twice a week. I would
like to wash the dishes, clean the toilet, and vacuum. Meanwhile, he
can look at pictures of sexy girls on the computer. If he wants, and
has a mat I can sleep on, I can also stay overnight. I simply don t
want to talk or look at him the whole time.
I know that some people are unclean and unkempt and may often be
unfriendly or rough. But I don t care. I don t have to like him. I also
know that some are ill, have rashes or warts on their penis, or have an
STD. If it s someone who hasn t had sex for at least a year because of
an STD, is frustrated, and doesn t feel accepted because of it, I don t
care about that either. I feel sorry for people like that, and I feel
guilty because I used to think of them as scum.
When I see someone at the train station who comes up to me and asks if
I have any small change for him, I get very scared and don t give him
anything. I can hardly look at people like that. Some have rashes on
their face and arms, and probably all over their body, a sweaty face,
and are very pale. They don t look healthy. I always feel ashamed when
someone asks me for small change and I can hardly look at him because I
m scared. But that s so wrong of me. I feel guilty about it, and that s
why I want someone to want me at his place. He doesn t have to be
considerate. I don t have to like it. What matters is that he can
always have me.
If someone has an STD and really wants to have sex with me, I will
definitely feel very ashamed and shy. But I want him to fuck me in my
ass and cum inside my ass and only then.
A girl once messaged me. She said she had a boyfriend who was drug-
addicted and had an STD. She had seen my profile and asked if I would
give myself to her boyfriend to fuck and let him cum inside me. She
hadn t had sex with him for several months, since he got an STD. But he
wanted to have sex, and she always had to turn him down. It annoyed
her, and she didn t want to have sex with him anymore. She herself was
drug-addicted, worked as a street prostitute, and had to stay healthy.
She needed the money to fund her drug addiction and her boyfriend’s
too. She said she would help make it possible for him to have me.
At the time, I said no, but now I think that was wrong. Since then, I
ve felt even more guilty. I should have said yes. I m alone, after all,
and I also want to be there for someone and be useful to someone.
She had once sent me the links and told me to show the videos. She said
that if I could allow it and live with it, I should let it happen. It
doesn t matter to me if it s someone whose language I don t understand,
who is a foreigner, Muslim, Indian, Japanese, Eritrean, or African, and
extremely overweight. I don t want to have to talk anyway. He can
simply shove me onto the mat, slap me, spit on me or shout at me, tie
me up, blindfold me, tape my mouth shut, and put earplugs in my ears so
I can t hear anything. That would scare me a little, and I would feel
ashamed, but it doesn t matter: he absolutely should not be
considerate.
It would be worse for me if he didn t want me because I was scared,
trembling, ashamed, or in pain. That s why he absolutely should not be
considerate. No one is considerate toward them either. They aren t
accepted and are turned away everywhere. That s why it s important to
me to show that I accept him even if I don t like it, he isn t good to
me, and he ejaculates inside me. I also wouldn t care if he gave me a
date-rape drug and then raped me. Even if there were then a risk that,
when his drugs ran out and he had to wait until he got money from
social services again, he would become restless, angry, and fidgety,
and then hand me over to another drug addict so that he could fuck me
and ejaculate inside me just so he could get some drugs in return or
money to buy them himself. But I can t and mustn t be angry with him
about that. The drugs force him to do it. That s just how things are. I
simply never want to talk.
I m also okay with everyone wanting to remain anonymous.
So I would be very, very grateful if someone could put me in touch with
someone or tell me about a forum or website where I can post an ad just
a place where guys like that spend time.
Maybe there s something good about it, too. it s better for them to
rape me than to attack and rape some girl on the street while high on
drugs.
1.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/slut-anni-p31-3793815
If its the case that my eyes are blindfolded and I have to be tied to
the bed, that s okay with me. Yes, then I don t have to look at him, I
don t see who it is or who was there, and maybe it s easier for him too
if the person has an STD and wants to fuck me and ejaculate inside me.
It s easier for me that way too, and he doesn t have to feel guilty
either; otherwise I feel guilty, which I don t want. And if my eyes are
blindfolded, I also can t say who came inside me while having an STD.
2.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/tiny-tie-4267608
I would definitely be scared, and I know that a real poor drug addict
with an STD isn t as clean-shaven and muscular as that. The reality is
that they hardly wash, smell of sweat, are dirty, and probably have
rashes or warts all over their bodies. But I can live with it if it s
someone who has an STD and hasn t had sex for years because nobody
wants to have sex with him and he feels rejected and it weighs on him.
I have to give myself to someone like that. It would just be nice to
know what STD he has, so I can get tested afterward and buy the right
medication. Or if I have to meet him twice a week, maybe he could give
me medication. But I also never want to have to talk about it.
3.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/bound-babysitters-part-1-alyssa-hart-xhYHmxt
If the poor drug addict or the drug addict with an STD—is worried that
I won’t let him fuck me and ejaculate inside me, it s okay with me if
he tapes me up with adhesive tape like the girl in the video, so I can
t do anything about it and he can simply rape me. But he shouldn t ask
whether I want to be taped up. I m too shy and never want to talk. He
should just do it. If he wants, I can wear hot pants and a top like
that girl too. I ll take some photos of myself soon in sexy hot pants
and put them on my profile.
4.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/5-creampies-compilation-3-christmas-edition-xhsKCfV
It s okay if it s always like that. I have to lie down on the bed, let
myself be tied up like that, and not talk. Then I have to let the poor
drug addict or the poor drug addict with an STD fuck me and ejaculate
inside me. I also don t care if he watches a girl video at the same
time, or if he does it to me, comes back after 30 minutes and does it
again, or if he has other poor drug addicts come over and I have to let
them fuck me and ejaculate inside me too. Maybe I won t even notice,
because I ll be tied up on the bed like that and won t be able to see
who s behind me.
5.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/little-slut-cries-when-fucked-hard-from-behind-xhTZzJhT
Yes, I understand the risk if the drug addict says I only have to suck
his penis, swallow his semen, and stay overnight, and that I can leave
in the morning. But during the night he invites a drug addict with an
STD, and that person rapes me during the night. In a way, I would have
been sold, because drug addicts need money for drugs and I would be
taken advantage of. Of course, I would feel the same way as the girl.
probably anyone would feel that way. But I can’t blame him. I went to
his place, and I have to expect something like that. But that doesn t
mean it will happen to me right away, and if it does happen afterward,
then that s just how it is. I don t know how I ll feel afterward, but
it doesn t matter. I never want to talk about it. Maybe I deserved it
too.
6.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/anal-destruction-of-stupid-maso-whore-xhC0cfI
It s also okay if I have to go to a real drug addict s home twice a
week, dress like a girl, and let myself be fucked and ejaculated inside
without talking. Then I can leave until the next time.
7.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/rough-anal-destruction-and-faceslapping-for-maso-cunt-xhnot0y
If necessary, I can also wear fishnet stockings. I also have a penis,
but I don t like having one, so I never want to ejaculate, masturbate,
or be sucked off. I want to be a girl. that s how I feel too. But if I
have to wear something like that, I ll do it. It s also okay if he
treats me that way, isn t nice or kind to me, and takes advantage of
me. It s not about me. I don t have to enjoy it. What matters to me is
that he gets something out of it. They already have it hard enough. I
just want to be useful to someone like that, even if I go home with
tears in my eyes. If it s okay with him, then it s okay with me too.
8.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/hard-guy-fucks-tied-stepdaughter-on-
camera-and-cums-in-mouth-of-young-slut-xhUvAaV
I also don t care if I have to be tied up like that. I understand that
some people may be worried that I ll let myself be fucked and
ejaculated inside. Especially if he isn’t nice or kind to me, and I
don’t know that in advance. And yes, poor drug addicts like that aren t
clean either and may have rashes on their bodies or penises. That can
be frightening. I don t know beforehand, and maybe that s why he wants
me to be tied up first. I just hope, if possible, that this person isn
t a poor drug addict with an STD, because in the video she has to lick
his penis and gets semen in her mouth too. If he has an STD, then, if
possible, only in my empty, clean ass, and leave it in there. That way
I can show that he s accepted, even though I ll be very ashamed. If
possible, I don t want to be too loud. I don t know how much it will
hurt. maybe it would be better if he taped my mouth shut with adhesive
tape.
9.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/submissive-fuck-toy-used-rough-and-
given-a-nice-big-creampie-xhtyPXp
Something like that does scare me a little, but if it s a real drug
addict with an STD, then it s okay, even if I don t like it. He ll have
his reasons. Maybe he just hates everyone because he gets rejected and
isn t accepted anywhere, and then takes his frustration out on me. He
probably really wants me to have his STD-infected semen inside me and
to be rough with me to frighten me into allowing it. I won t do
anything to stop him if that s better for him. If I let him be the way
he is and he feels a little better and more accepted afterward, then
that s okay. I just never want to talk about it. then it s always like
that when I have to go to him. I don t care either. I ve been trying
for almost two years to find someone who will connect me with poor drug
addicts or poor drug addicts with STDs, but without success. So I can
be glad if it happens once, even if he treats me that way. I don t want
to spend another two years looking.
10.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/black-guy-fucks-me-hard-in-the-
stairwell-xhBr2sE
About a year ago, a pimp contacted me. He had read my profile and seen
what I was looking for. He asked whether I would travel to Kenya for
one or two weeks. He wanted me to meet an infected Somali man (with an
STD). I would have to dress like a sexy girl, go into an empty office
building, meet the Somali man, and let him fuck me and ejaculate inside
me. The pimp wanted to film it. he wanted to set up tiny cameras
everywhere. He said he had customers who would pay $1000 for a video
like that. But everything would have to be visible, including the
Somali man ejaculating inside me, so viewers could see that it was
inside me. I had said no because I m too shy. But if I get an
opportunity like that again, I want to say yes, even though I ll be
scared and definitely shaking all over and have a rapid pulse, and feel
ashamed. I would just wish that the Somali man would do it without
holding back. I won t resist anyway. I m too afraid. I would also get
some money from the pimp, but I don t care about the money. I assume
the Somali man with an STD doesn t have a girlfriend either, and nobody
wants him, and he suffers because of it. If I don’t allow it, he ll
surely eventually attack some girl and do it to her. I don t want that,
so he might as well do it to me. It also makes me feel good to know he
won t do it to a girl who doesn t want it, because he can do it to me.
11.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/fucking-hell-he-lied-about-the-exit-and-fucked-me-in-the-ass-in-a-fucking-basement-in-front-of-some-locked-in-woman-xhV9CeX
This is the video the girl sent me. She has a drug-addicted boyfriend
who is not only addicted to drugs. he also has an STD. She said she
hasn t had sex with him for over a year, ever since he got an STD. But
he always wants to have sex and keeps bothering and pressuring her. She
doesn t want to have sex with him anymore because she works as a
prostitute to earn money, since she is also addicted to drugs and has
to buy drugs for her boyfriend and pay rent. She said that if she got
an STD too, she would lose all her clients, and she doesn t want that.
She said she would help me so that her boyfriend could have me. She
says that sometimes he is so high on drugs that I wouldn t need to
worry. he would just grab me a little roughly and rip my pants down. I
wouldn t need to worry if I was scared either. he wouldn t pay
attention to that or show any consideration.
She would make sure I was in a closed room with him, and he is very
dominant anyway, so I should just let it happen. I would be helping her
and him. I was so stupid and said no back then. I was afraid because of
his STD. But I should simply have gone there. I would have been in a
closed room. Sure, I would have been a little scared and shaking, but
when I watch the video, I think I should simply have let it happen. But
I m so stupid, and I didn t agree back then. That wasn t good of me. I
say I want to help people like that and be there for them, and then I
say no. Looking back now, I don t have to enjoy it, and it doesn t
matter if I m scared. He doesn t have to be kind or nice to me either.
It s actually so simple. I would only have to give myself to him, let
it happen to me, and take his infected semen inside me. I have to
remember that I could help two people that way the girl and the drug
addict with an STD. I hope some girl writes to me again with the same
problem. Then I don t want to say no anymore.
…rape me. I hope no other drug addicts suddenly fuck me and ejaculate
inside me too. But it doesn t matter; I wouldn t notice anyway and
wouldn t know that others had been inside me too, so it doesn’t matter.
12.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/my-stepfather-seems-to-guess-that-i-actually-enjoy-his-nightly-visits-xhuHKeC
I also think this way is good. I can imagine having to go twice a week
to a poor drug addict, or a drug addict with an STD. I would have to
sleep on a mat on the floor. Then, in the middle of the night, he would
sneak into the room, fuck me, and ejaculate inside me. Since I m shy, I
ll probably behave just like the girl in the video. I don t have to
like it. I never want to talk about it not even in the morning when I
go home, and I mustn t bring it up. I just have to go back to him when
I receive a text message and stay overnight again. I wouldn t know what
nationality the man is. I think that if he s Muslim, women don t get a
say anyway and are subordinate, so that s normal for the man, and I
just have to accept the Muslim way. I think it would be better if I
slept with earplugs in. then I wouldn t hear him when he came into the
room. My pulse would definitely be very high, and I would be shaking. I
wish he wouldn t care about that and wouldn t show any consideration.
13.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/perverse-sluts-pussy-pounded-hard-xhpCmft
I can also imagine that if someone kept putting knockout drops in my
drink, I wouldn t notice if someone fucked me and came inside me. It
could be that a poor drug addict, or a drug addict with an STI, lives
in a shared apartment in a house where all the residents are drug
addicts, and nobody is supposed to notice when he fucks me and comes
inside me.
So I would just have to go visit him there, have something to drink
that he had put knockout drops in, and then fall asleep. Then he could
simply rape me. I hope other drug addicts wouldn t suddenly fuck me and
come inside me too. But it doesn t matter I wouldn t notice anyway and
wouldn t know that others had been inside me, so it doesn t matter.
I m also okay with the poor drug addict who has an STI fucking me and
coming inside me.
I would get tested after four weeks and see whether I tested positive
for an STI. I could also live with him occasionally handing me over to
another infected person if he got money from them, or the drugs he
needs to get through the day. But I want to be blindfolded and not
speak. He can hand me over, and he should fuck me with a condom.
I accept the risk that, if I m alone with him and can t see, he might
ake the condom off and fuck me without one, coming inside me. If I
notice before he comes inside me that he’s no longer wearing a condom,
I might get a very high pulse, push him away a little, and feel
somewhat panicked but I absolutely don t want to take off the
blindfold. If he rapes me, it isn t his fault. it s entirely mine. I
want to keep it to myself and not tell anyone. That s my decision, and
I have to expect something like that if I get involved with people like
this. So that s just how it is, and that s that. But maybe he ll keep
the condom on.
I also don t care if he films me while he uses me, and it can be seen
that he came inside me and that he has an STI. If it matters to him to
show that he’s accepted too, that s okay with me.
I could also imagine belonging to a poor drug addict with a real STI,
if he wanted to keep me, and not just having to visit him two days a
week. I would live with him, pay the rent, and have to give myself to
him whenever he wanted, day or night, and, if necessary, be handed over
to someone else with an STI for two hours. That would also make it
easier to pay the rent. It should all be real, not fake. It s supposed
to help him, and it would also help me reduce my feelings of guilt,
which otherwise won t leave me alone and weigh on me.
I don t know whether I would cry afterward. it s just something I’m not
used to. But I don t want anyone to take that into account. Afterward,
I just want to be alone and try to sleep. But I don t want to run away
or stop staying with him because of it. I just have to get used to it.
maybe it will take time. As long as it doesn t bother them to use me or
rape me then it s okay. If this text reflects a real situation or plans, please don t meet this
person or drink anything they give you. Get somewhere safe and contact
someone you trust or emergency services.
14.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/i-took-off-her-clothes-she-came-on-my-dick-and-i-filled-her-pussy-with-cum-xhuIChH
It s also okay if I have to meet a man who really has an STD and hasn t
had sex for months or years because of it. I would have to meet him,
dressed like the girl in the video, lie down on the bed, not talk or
look at him. We would have agreed that I only have to masturbate him,
nothing more. But then he takes out his penis and I have to lie on the
edge of the bed while he slowly presses his penis against my anus.
I wouldn t know what to do. I would probably do nothing because I was
scared; otherwise, maybe he would get angry. And if he suddenly
ejaculates his infected semen inside me and pushes it deep into me,
then it would be too late anyway, and I could just let him carry on. I
would be extremely ashamed then. I don st know if I would have tears in
my eyes. I think I’ll only know if it happens.
If the man is Muslim, I would be doubly ashamed. I know that s racist,
but I wouldn’t tell him that. I just don t want to look at him. A man
once wrote to me that I should try going along with something like
this. He said that a man like that might lay out his medical record, so
you can see that he has an STD, and take a photo with me that shows his
semen inside me, but with his name covered on the document. He would
then blackmail me so that I would always have to give myself to him, or
else he would post it on the internet. But that might only happen once
in ten years. I don t know whether it would happen to me. If it did, it
would be my fault. that would just be my life. If I never had to talk
or look at him, it would be bearable. I definitely wouldn t do anything
against him; I would be too ashamed, so he wouldn’t need to worry.
15.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/they-left-me-alone-at-home-and-i-invited-my-boyfriend-to-watch-movies-xhaFmVv
Maybe I should let a Muslim fuck me first, so he would be the first
person to use me. I should get over my fear, no matter how ashamed and
shy I am or how much I m shaking. I just have to put myself in a
situation where it happens. The man who once wrote to me said I should
give myself to a Muslim precisely because I see people like that as
racist. He didn t say that I do. Is it racist if I would feel more
ashamed if a man like that fucked me?
He sent me the video or a link to it. He said I should give myself to a
Muslim with a real STD, and that someone like that should be the first
person to use me. But he’s quite rough in the video. Does he do that
because he wants his semen to go really deep inside me? My anus is
still a virgin. I was used once when I was 13 or 14, and once about two
years ago, but I didn t notice anything. I only realized when I woke up
that there was something slimy in my ass and that it hurt a little. On
the one hand, it s also good if it s a Muslim, because I don t
understand his language and I don t want to talk anyway. Maybe that
works better, and I can just let it happen. Or he could give me
knockout drops and do it to me as often as he wants. Then, when I wake
up, he’ll be gone and I won t know who it was. That s okay with me if
he wants to remain anonymous.
16.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/take-off-the-condom-and-finish-inside-me-college-students-xhklskk
A girl wrote to me and had read that I would give myself to poor drug
addicts or poor drug addicts with an STD. She said there would be lots
of people who would take me, but they wouldn t dare fuck me without a
condom. I should suggest to them that they fuck me with a condom, and
then after two minutes I should pull the condom off him. And press his
penis against my anus. Then he would take the opportunity to keep
fucking me without a condom and ejaculate his infected semen inside my
ass.
I would rather not have to do anything, but if that makes it easier for
him and means I don t make him feel guilty, then that s okay with me
too. It would be a big step for me, since I would be putting his
infected penis in my anus. But if that s better for him, that’s okay.
Otherwise, it s also okay if he gives me knockout drops and then fucks
me without a condom and ejaculates inside me. We could arrange it so I
never see him: I take the knockout drops, and then he can do it while I
m asleep. The girl asked me whether I knew that lots of drug addicts
have a dog. I said yes, I d heard that they get more money from social
services that way. But she said that wasn t what she meant. She didn t
tell me exactly what she wanted to say. She only said I d find out and
experience it one day.
17.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/oops-broken-condom-i-accidentally-inseminated-my-roommate-with-a-massive-cumshot-xhjmqNS
At first, I thought about only letting someone fuck me with a condom.
But after I saw that video, I realized a condom can break, and I might not even notice. The drug addict might not notice either, or might
notice and just keep going. I don t blame him if a condom breaks. these
things can happen. I d blame myself more. My anus is small, or maybe I
didn t relax it for him. I can t accuse him of doing it on purpose.
Then I d have his semen inside me, or, if it was infected, I d have
that kind of semen inside me.
But I assume that if I said I would only let them fuck me with a
condom, I would be sending them a signal that I don’t accept them as
they are or accept what they have. I absolutely don t want that. I want
to show them that I accept them and that they aren t bad people. It
doesn t matter how ashamed I feel or how much I dislike it when it
happens. It will probably hurt anyway because my anus is very small.
And it doesn t matter if they aren t kind or nice to me.
That doesn t mean they re bad people. They ll have their reasons for
treating me that way. So it s also good if I don t understand them or
speak their language. I only have to give myself to them and let it
happen. And if they ejaculate inside me, I ll be very ashamed, but it
also shows me that I m useful to them. That s nice too, and then I m
okay with it.
Information:
Three people here have asked me whether I m serious about what I m
looking for or whether it s just a fake. I want to be completely
honest. I m 100 percent serious. As soon as someone can connect me with
a poor drug addict who lives on social assistance, or bring me to him
so he can use me, I ll write on my profile that I now belong to
someone. If someone can connect me with a poor drug addict with an STD,
or bring me to him so he can use me, I ll write that on my profile too.
If the drug addict with an STD fucks me and ejaculates inside me, I
hope I belong to him and that he wants to ejaculate inside me at least
twice a week. It doesn t matter at all if he isn t kind or nice to me,
or infects me. I just never want to have to talk. If possible, I don t
want to look at him. I don t care if I don’t understand his language. I
only want to be there so he feels accepted, so he feels valued. He must
not care that I m shy and probably scared, don t want to look at him,
and never want to talk. I don t care if he rapes me. If necessary, I ll
even sign a contract confirming all of this.
I m currently 100 percent healthy and have only had sex twice. once
when I was 13 or 14, and once more than two years ago or maybe three.
But I didn t notice anything. When I woke up, I noticed something
sticky in my ass and around my mouth, and my ass hurt a little.
I feel guilty toward homeless people, poor drug addicts, and people
with STDs. I always thought of them as scum. But I know that s wrong;
they re people too and have needs. And I know it will probably hurt me.
My ass is small, and so is my anus, but everyone has to start
somewhere. I m not asking anyone to be kind or nice to me or to take
that into consideration. I don t care if I dislike it or have tears in
my eyes. What matters more is that the person who has me can ejaculate
his semen inside me. I ll learn to live with it. I ll probably get
tested after four weeks to see whether I ve been infected. If I have,
that’s okay, because then I’ll always have to give myself to the person
who infected me.
I think it s good not to look at him and not to talk.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/cheap-venezuelan-bitch-gets-cock-to-be-fed-xhbT8Bs
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/he-cums-inside-so-deep-that-her-pussy-swallows-all-the-cum-xhfoZYR
I think it s good not to look at him and not to talk.
It’s also okay with me if the poor drug addict with an STD just fucks
me and cums inside me.
I’ll get tested after four weeks and see if I’m positive for an STD.
Then I can also live with it if he occasionally hands me over to
another infected person, if he gets some money from him or the drugs he
needs to get through the day. But I want my eyes to be blindfolded, and
I don’t want to talk either. He can hand me over to him, and he should
fuck me with a condom.
I accept the risk in case I’m alone with him and can’t see anything,
and he takes off the condom and fucks me without one and cums inside
me. If I notice before he cums inside me that he’s no longer wearing a
condom, I might get a very high pulse, push him away a little, and
panic a bit, but I absolutely don’t want to take off the blindfold. If
he rapes me, then it isn’t his fault; it’s entirely mine. I want to
keep it to myself and not tell anyone. That’s my decision, and I have
to expect something like that if I get involved with people like this.
So that’s just how it is, and that’s that. But maybe he’ll keep the
condom on.
https://ge.xhamster.com/videos/during-the-first-sex-with-his-
stepdaughter-stepdad-took-off-condom-and-cum-inside-her-she-tried-to-stop-him-and-was-very-upset-xhnDkP3
I also don’t care if he films me while he uses me and it’s visible that
he came inside me, and reveals that he has an STD. If it’s important to
him to be able to show that he’s accepted too, then that’s okay with
me.
I could also imagine that, if I belong to a poor drug addict with a
real STD and he wants to keep me, I wouldn’t just have to go to his
place two days a week. I’d live with him, pay the rent, and simply have
to give myself to him at any time, day or night, and, if necessary,
have to give myself to someone else with an STD for two hours. That
would also make it easier to pay the rent. Just make the whole thing
real and not fake; it should help him, and it would also help me reduce
my feelings of guilt, which otherwise won’t leave me alone and weigh on
me.
I don’t know whether I’ll have to cry afterward; it’s just something
I’m not used to. But I don’t want anyone to take that into
consideration. I’d simply like to be alone afterward and try to sleep.
But that doesn’t mean I want to run away or stop staying with him. I
just have to get used to it; maybe it’ll take time. As long as it
doesn’t bother them to use me or, well, rape me, then it’s okay.
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