Robert, our houseguest, and I were sitting-out on our back deck. It was late on a Sunday morning in summertime. We were sitting at the patio table drinking coffee. Robert was in his boxers. I was wearing a sarong. We weren’t talking. We were both looking at our phones.
Daisy came out after a bit. She came through the sliding patio door, moving carefully because she was holding a coffee cup that she’d overfilled. The only thing my wife was wearing was Robert’s t-shirt - the hem of which just barely covered her crotch.
She set the cup down on the table top. Moved over and kissed me, then she kissed Robert - then she sat down. She leaned forward to the coffee cup and took a long, noisy, slurping sip of her coffee - then she picked it up and sat back in her chair - giving us both a full-on view of her bush. Completely unselfconscious.
“Morning…” Robert and I said simultaneously.
“Good morning,” Daisy said.
Robert said, “Happy Birthday!”
Daisy smiled, “Thank you.”
“Sleep well?” I asked.
“Not really,” Daisy said, “Crowded bed.” She smiled at Robert.
We were quiet for a spell. Letting Daisy drink her coffee.
Robert said, “I got you something.”
Daisy looked surprised, “You got me something?”
“Yeah…” Robert said - flushing red, “I would’ve given it to you last night, but I got distracted.”
Daisy leaned forward and patted Robert’s knee, “Robert… sweetheart, you DID give it to me last night.”
Robert got verklempt, but managed a spluttering chuckle.
Daisy sat back, “What did you get me?”
“It’s out in my truck,” Robert said - standing-up, “One sec…”
When Robert trotted-off my wife looked at me - smirking, coffee cup at her lips.
“Happy Birthday,” I said.
“Thanks,” She said - resting her foot on my knee.
“I didn’t get you anything… yet,” I said.
“You can get me a bigger bed,” She said.
I laughed.
Robert returned holding a colorful gift-bag which he set down on the tabletop in front of Daisy.
Daisy set her coffee cup down and reached into the bag and pulled-out a very large, black butt-plug.
I guffawed at the sight of it. Thing was huge! Looked like an Ace of Spades that had been squashed a bit. It was short and squat and a little bit bigger than my fist.
Daisy looked stunned. She just stood there holding it - looking at it. Mouth open.
I laughed.
Robert looked bemused.
“Robert…” Daisy said, “What the fuck?”
“It’s a butt plug,” Robert said.
“I know that,” Daisy said - looking at him, “I’m well familiar with them. But… don’t you think it’s a bit…”
“What?”
“BIG!”
“Is it?” Robert looked abashed, “I didn’t think… I mean… I didn’t think it looked… uh…”
“What?” Daisy said.
Robert said, “Unreasonable.”
Daisy said, “Well… let’s put it up YOUR ass and you can tell ME if it’s unreasonable.”
I took the plug from Daisy. It was a hefty piece of silicone. Solid. Thing probably weighed a pound. Maybe more.
Robert said, “You don’t think you could…”
“What?” Daisy said.
“Work-up to it?”
Daisy took the plug from me, “This thing is fucking HUGE, Robert! It’s almost ridiculous.”
“Almost…” I said.
Daisy looked at me. Gave me the "Don't start" look.
Robert said, “They had bigger ones than that… at the store, I mean.”
“I’m sure they did,” Daisy said - thumping the plug down on the tabletop, “There are folks who could handle this and bigger ones no problem, but not me.”
I said, “You’ve had your ass fisted. This isn’t that much bigger than a fist.”
Daisy glared at me, “I was high as fuck! Working through something. And yes… pushing the envelope a bit. But this!” She picked-up the plug again, “Is not something I want to try. Okay?” She thumped it down, “It’ll wreck me.”
Robert picked it up and rolled it around in his hands, looking disappointed. After a bit, he said, “I can’t return it.”
“That’s okay,” Daisy said, “We’ll use it as a doorstop or something.”
I laughed.
Robert looked chagrined.
“I’m sorry,” Daisy said - getting-up and moving over to hug Robert affectionately, “Don’t sulk. You were being thoughtful and I shouldn’t have been so disparaging.”
Robert hugged my wife from his chair - his face against one of her big, sagging, menopausal titties. He slid his hand up the back of her thigh and squeezed her naked butt.
Daisy looked down at him, “Thank you for thinking of me and for remembering my birthday.” She kissed him.
Robert smiled and hugged her.
Combing her fingers through Robert’s hair, Daisy said, “If you want… we can go back to that store and pick-out another one… a smaller one.”
Robert looked-up at her, “Yeah?”
Daisy said, “Would you like that?”
Robert hugged her tightly, “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Daisy looked at me - winked and blew me a kiss.
