I wish someone could connect me with a truly destitute drug addict, or someone who is a compulsive hoarder and lives on social welfare. If that s not possible, then it would also be fine to connect me with a drug addict who has an STD someone who hasn t had sex in years because no one wants to be with him or give themselves to him, leaving him frustrated and suffering. It would be better for someone like that to be with me than for him to eventually assault a woman who doesn t want that and would never choose to be with someone like him.

I could imagine going to see such a person twice a week to wash the dishes, vacuum, and clean the place. If he wants, I can bring along sexy photos of girls to show him on the computer. I just don t want to have to talk, or even look at him all the time. If he has a mat I can sleep on and wants me to stay overnight, that s fine too. I don t have to like him, and he doesn t have to be kind or nice to me. I feel sorry for people like this, and I m haunted by a sense of guilt I can t shake. I m doing well, while they aren t and I used to look at people like them as scum. But that’s wrong.

I wish it were simply the case that I always had to go to someone like that regardless of how dirty or drunk they might be. I am on my own and 100% healthy, whereas someone like that is struggling and likely not in good health. I find this distressing, and it doesn t feel right. I would gladly be of use to such a person even if it means being used or taken advantage of because that doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad person.

Me Julia