For me it started with porn years ago, back in the days of dialup internet when I was just a teenager. I had a CD for free internet access but there was no phone line upstairs so I had to wait for my parents to go out one night then I took the PC downstairs, set it up in the front room and plugged it into the phone line. I browsed around for porn for a while, sitting on the floor of my front room completely naked, until I found a website called something like join4free. There were a few categories, only about 8 in total, including one I had never seen before. Interracial. I clicked on it and found images of black men with white women. I had never thought about it before but found I was really jealous. I hated the thought of those black men with our women. Even worse was the site of those pictures showing that they had bigger penises than any of the white men I had seen I porn, and certainly much bigger than my own. My heart was racing as I took the PC back upstairs before my parents came home. It reminded me of a girl I had fancied some years before had dated both of the black guys in our year. I was angry and jealous and I couldn’t stop thinking about black men being with our white women, but over time I just felt like I had to see more. The next time I had the house to myself for a few hours I went back to the website to look at the interracial images again. This time I saved them to my computer.

The Knave letter

A few months later I had a porn mag called Knave. I can remember it was the Christmas special and had Rebecca Teasdale on the front. This magazine had a letters section. One of the letters was from a guy who had told his wife that he'd like to see her get fucked by another man and eventually she agreed. He had bought some contact magazines and they had wrote off to a few guys she liked the look of who were looking for married women whose husbands couldn't satisfy them. Obviously these are what we now know as Bulls. They arranged to meet with a black guy, and he at first seemed very charming but became dominant once she had admitted that she wanted to fuck him. He said he would only fuck her if firstly the husband did whatever the bull told him, and secondly the bull would use no protection whatsoever. They agreed and the wife went upstairs with the bull while the husband cleaned up downstairs. When the husband got upstairs the wife was already in just her stockings and suspenders and the bull was in only a posing pouch. He made the husband strip and belittled his cock then encouraged the wife to say how unsatisfying it was. Then the bull stripped and his flaccid cock was already bigger than the husbands and grew to 8 or 9 inches. The husband writes about how his wife was in ecstasy as soon as the BBC was inside her. The BBC stretched her out and had her in an almost constant state of orgasm. After an intense fucking the bull creampied her then ordered the husband to eat her out. When the bull was hard again he shoved the husband out of the way and fucked the wife to another orgasm. The final paragraph details how the BBC bull had been fucking the wife bareback every weekend for the last 7 months and in all that time the husband hadn't been anywhere near her, so the bump she has must belong to the bull and the birth will be the ultimate humiliation for the husband. The first time I read this it angered me. The husband being mistreated like that and the bull impregnating his wife made my blood boil. I even remember showing that story to a friend of mine and commenting about what I would have done in that situation. Once again though, it stuck with me and I remember going back and reading the story several times over the next few months.

Internet porn

It was about this time that we had a phoneline fitted upstairs allowing me to use the internet whenever I pleased. This was back in the days of Kate’s Playground, Next Door Nikki, and the Lightspeed Girls. Never before had a horny teenage boy had access to so many pictures and videos of pretty girls in various states of undress. Then I started to find proper porn. I think my first porn crush was Gianna Michaels who had only just started. She was fresh faced with a pretty smile and big boobs. At some point I happened across a trailer for a scene she had made for a website called Racks and Blacks. I felt a weakness in my chest as I watched the short video. I remember feeling gutted as the black male pornstar in the video fondled and groped her breasts then started to have sex with her. I wanted her but he was getting to have her. It wasn’t fair.

The girl I liked

It was around about this time that I met a fiery redhead online. We hadn't really gotten on to begin with but over the months we had been talking we got really close. I really liked her and we met a few times, played around once or twice but never actually dated. At some point she tells me she's a mother. I really liked this girl and despite my hopes and prayers I later found out the father is black. She had already inadvertently said a few things that made me think she liked black guys and this confirmed it. Years later I found porn of her with a black man too and he was getting to do all sorts that she never let me. She always made me wear a condom, which is understandable as we only did it 2 or 3 times. I would have loved to have fucked her raw and cum inside her but I was never allowed, yet here she was having unprotected sex with a black man. 

I had also become friends with a girl who worked as an escort who had told me with great pleasure about one of her clients she had nicknamed “Vlad the Impaler”. He was a black guy whose cock was so big (“12 inches long and as thick as a coke can” was her exact description) that she could only take up the ass as her pussy was too tight to accommodate it.

More porn

While I was meeting girls online I was of course still watching porn and there were a few scenes I kept going back to. The first was Jake Steed and Lovette on a couch where his cock became visibly shiny from her juices. Another was Lexington Steele and Krist Myst where he immediately grabbed a hold of her boobs at the first opportunity.  I had noticed that Lexington Steele was fucking all the girls that I would fuck if I had the choice so ended up watching a lot of his scenes. I also took an interest in Brothalovers scenes. I had seen these in clips or screenshots for a long time but had never known where they came from. They have always been pretty good at getting their stuff taken down so their videos were rare compared to most other sites, which meant that finding them was like finding lost treasure. I liked that they appeared amateurish, even down to the shit camera work, like you were witnessing a hot white girl going to a hotel to hook up with a black guy.

I used to frequent a girls room on My Free Cams. She was a pleasant girl, pretty and busty, and it was nice just chatting to her with the nudity as a bonus. She decided to quit camming and announced the date of her last stream. During her last night the chat was alive and asking all the questions they had wanted to ask but hadn't. Chief among them was if she had ever been with a BBC. Yes she had, several in fact. When she finished her stream she left but the chat carried on. Everyone was talking about how they wanted to see her with BBC. She has since started an Onlyfans but there's very little boy/girl and no BBC content as of yet.

Another image that would appear was of a girl with her mouth open as if she was mid-moan as a black man fucks her and grabs her boobs. It was Vivienne Martines from Pink Hotel On Butt Row I later discovered.

Kendra Sunderland was another girl I crushed. She started off as a fresh faced girl next door with big boobs who used to flash in her college library. Then she moved into porn and instead of easing into it almost immediately she shot multiple scenes for blacked. She tells the story of how her boyfriend was against it but then found out he liked watching her with black guys. Then they broke up and now the only guys she fucks off camera are black.

I started seeing links to tumblr in various places and ended up making an account. It was there that I ended up really going down the rabbit hole of interracial porn and cuckolding. Without even looking I was presented with so many video clips and gifs of mixed couples, hotwives and snowbunnies with BBC, and just general interracial porn. Before long I had my own blog on there that was solely focused on interracial. When tumblr decided they would ban all the porn on their platform I moved to bdsmlr where it is much the same although without as many users.

Since then I have a real life girlfriend and she is beautiful. I met her years ago (through the redhead as it happens) and we were just friends for ages before we started dating. We've been together for years but she still makes me use a condom. I know the last guy she was seeing (while we were friends and as good as dating but she didn't tell me she was seeing anyone until after the fact) she let go bareback several times and cum inside her at least once. She's not told me anything more about him, but I wonder if it was a black man. I think I've been trained to feel it at this point. Black guys have always gotten to have their way, and to a much greater extent than me, with all the pornstars I crushed on (Gianna Michaels, Anissa Kate, Alison Star, Kendra Sunderland), the girls I liked in real life (the redhead), the girls I was friends with (the escort), and the even the camgirl I used to watch. Now I can't help but fantasise about my girlfriend with a black man. Him getting to french kiss her, grope her, fuck her hard and make her cum, then finally ejaculate into her unprotected womb just like I've never been allowed to.