I have been thinking alot lately about how to explane all the crazy feelings i have inside me and how men like my best friends dad ended up with his cock in my mouth it seems like everything happend so fast ''I posted two pics of me in my bikini in my newest pics and when i look at them it brings back some crazy memories about going to the cottage with sandras parents ''That bikini was my very first bikini before then i always had a one piece swimsuit ''I remember wearing it for the first time and feeing so wierd about showing so much skin ''When i look at the pics now and that being me just 2 years ago i see how skinny i was and i still cant believe that sandras dads thick cock fit into me ''My boobs have grown to big for it now but the bottoms still fit and i think i willl keep it as my reminder of when i lost my virginity with it on ''The first time i had the bikini on it was hard for me i was very shy about showing my body like that but sandra talked me into it ''

Its funny because before then i was getting to know sandras dad on a whole new level it was just inocent things like touching his cock and jentil fingering ''i loved it when he would use one hand to hold my panties to one side then take his other hand and he wold first place his pinky finger into my pussy then his next biggest finger and when he ran out of fingers he would place two fingers at once i loved how each time it got bigger it made me feel something new ''I would hold his cock in my hand as he played with my pussy i think he wanted me to jerk him off but i found it very hard to controle my body when he explored my pussy like he did so i would just hold it tight ''My god ''i remember the first time we did it ''i was having a sleep over with sandra and it was late around midnight we where up at the cottage and me and sandras dad couldent sleep so we went out back down to the water to get some cool air ''           He took off his shirt and placed it down on the sand so i could sit down ''I remember holding his hard cock in my hand as he began to finger my pussy we both wached each finger dissapear into me and as they got bigger i felt something new and by the time he had two fingers inside me i was so wet down there i could feel it dripping between my ass cheeks  and i couldent get my legs wide enough ''the sound of his fingers going in and out of my wet pussy was so loud on the quiet beach ''

I learned something about men that night i didnt know and it was that a man can cum without all the work of jerking his cock its true all i was going was holding it and as he fingerd me with two fingers i had a firm grip on his very hard cock then it happend he blew his load all over me i was so surprised by it because all i was doing was holding it ''That bikini saw alot of action with sandras dad and spent alot of time around my knees and feet but the one that means the most is when i hade my first time on the boat ''there was so many different feelings going on inside me''when he touched my pussy with the head of his cock it was like time slowed down my brain was going crazy there was a part of me that wanted to stop and another part wanted him to just get it in there was so many second thoughts about everything between me and sandras dad ít was like all the inocent fooling around was just fun and didnt realy feel wrong ''but when i realized he was going to go all the way with me it changed the way i was thinking about everything ''this was real now and maybe it wasent a good idea ''

Before i had a chance to say stop his cock was giving me pain like nothing i ever felt before it was like pressure and burnning at the same time and i knew it was to late so i just let him push his cock into me and before i knew it i was no longer a virgin ''For some girls they brag about there first time and who it was with but for me i had to keep it a secret ''After it was all over there was this feeling between us and it wasent like before this time it was more like shame and regret and he knew he did something wrong and for the first time he felt like he cheated on his wife and maybe what we where doing was wrong ''When we got back to the cottage neather one of us could look at sandra or her mom it was so crazy as we sat together i could still feel his cock inside me my pussy was still burnning and throbbing from having his thick cock pop my cherry 

Is this what sex feels like is it all about feeling good and having fun one minute then when its over feeling shame and guilt ''there are many times i just do it with him because i dont know how to tell him i want to stop ''there has been a few times when i feel shame as he fucks me ''i hate myself for having this secret with sandra i think about what she would do if she ever found out i know one thing and that is i would loos my best friend ''what began so inocent and fun has become very confusing and even scary at times but what i dont understand is why i keep going back to him and i still feel so close to him and even though i have so many bad feelings about what im doing with him i still finde myself wanting him and spending time on my knees sucking his cock and needing him inside me .

 Can someone please tell me ''is it all worth it ''is having sex with him for a few good feelings worth all the bad feelings i have all the time ''Will i ever get over this guilt i have ''Its crazy because when im on my knees sucking his cock i feel so good and i fully enjoy being with him and when hes fucking me its the same thing i feel amazing his cock makes me go crazy inside its everything i thought sex would be ''then i feel him blow his load the worst is when he cums in my mouth its like if shame had a taste it would be sandras dads cum and sometimes its very hard to swallow .