For weeks I've noticed changes in Lois. I've never seen her looking so happy. She's been fucking around for literally years, which is something I've shared with my online friends, but I had the idea this was someone special. Lois has nearly left me before only to find that Mr Right was trying his luck with her sister as well. Then there was another Mr Right who by some devine miracle got her pregnant, strange considering she's been on the pill for years and never wanted children anyway. Sadly, she msicarried and Mr Right sort of dissapeared off the scene. 

I've always hated being a cuckold, I wish I could enjoy it like so many fappers do on here, but the fact is I don't. It's humiliating, depressing, heart breaking and demeaning. I only agreed to it as I didn't want to lose Lois. I have tried over and over to accept it, I have gone along with her wishes in being present a few times whilst she actually has been sexually intimate with her boyfriends. Can you imagine how shameful that feels if your unwilling. Lois has admitted several times, for some reason she gets off knowing I hate every minute of it and she probably wouldn't do it if she knew I was enjoying it. I hate seeing her get ready for her dates. I hate helping her to choose her outfits or lingerie. I hate watching her take extra care applying her make up. I hate the way she talks to me as if I'm a girlfriend not her husband. I hate that moment when the doorbell rings as he date comes to collect her. I hate sitting around feeling like shit all evening whilst she's out enjoying herself with her lover. I hate waiting in my car outside houses or appartments waiting for her. I hated it when her and her boyfriend made me drive around central London and they fucked in the back of my car FFS. There were so many other things I hated about being a cuckold. The one thing I did enjoy in that way that only a true submissive can enjoy is dresssing up in my favourite sissy outfits and answering the front door to her date for the first time. The look of disbelief on her man's face. Sometimes it's followed up with laughter or sarcasm other times I'm ignored or I have been met with anger before now. One date was furious and said I'm not into the shit and turned around on his heels and left. Lois was well pissed about that.

On the August 10th, Lois was up and dressed early. I was sitting down having breakfast and Lois, said I need to talk to you. She reached out and took my hand and said, I don't know how to say this to you, but I don't love you anymore. I felt sick in my stomach. Then she said, well I do, but not in the way I used to, not in the way a woman loves a man. I was gobsmacked how she could be so brutal. I asked her if she was in love with her boyfriend, she said yes, very much so and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Don't take this badly, but he's everything your not. How are you supposed to feel hearing that? I wanted to remind her that she knew all about me when we met all those years ago. Well thats not entirely true, I kept her in the dark about me having sexual relations with various men. Since then I have kept her in the dark about my special relationship with Mother.

I knew we had reached the end of the road, as for the first time ever she handed me back her wedding ring. That ring has so much symbolism attached to it. When Lois started to meet other men or should I say meet men, as clearly I'm not one, she removed her wedding ring and left it by our wedding picture as she left for her date. After her third date with her boss as it happens I became fixated by it. To this day I have no idea why I was so complelled, but I managed to slip her wedding ring onto my little nub. I slipped some panties on a fell asleep in a drunk coma. When Lois returned in the morning, she searched our flat for the wedding ring and a row started as she wanted it back before she went to work. She insisted that I find it. By misfortune she spotted it through my sheer panties and was furious to find it on my baby dick. Up until a week ago, that was the last time she took it off, infact she has always maintained it's like a magnet for the sort of men she likes. I feel the need to put in back on my nub for reasons I don't understand, even if I have to superglue it on. At the same time Mother has always admired it and I wondered whether she could wear it symbolically of course for me. We have sometimes gone away for a weekend together pretending to be man and wife

Part of me understands her point of view, part of me thinks this could be for the best, but part of me doesn't want to lose her, even if I have to share her. I suppose she has been a slut, but so have I at times I suppose. It's not a crime, it's just the way it is, we're both 'loving' people. 

When I broke the news to Mother she couldn't hide her delight. It took her a long time to accept Lois, especially later when I shared that I was a cuckold. Mother said she was a tart when we we met and guess what Mother was right. Mother hasn't always been an angel either. At some point I have to start making some decisions about my future and I don't know what to do for the best. I am enjoying my 'special relationship' with Mother and I love spending my free time with her. BUT I would like a Daddy of my own to cherish and maybe become a wife, because clearly I'm a worthless, pathetic, useless dickless husband. It's too early to make these desisions and besides meeting my Mr Right may prove impossible. I realise I'm rambling, because I have been drinking and I hate to admit I miss Lois. Apart from Mother she has been my world for over 20 years. 

Hopefully nobody will be reading this neurotic crap. 

Sad Nancy