I wish I could belong to a poor drug addict or someone with a real STD.

I often see poor drug addicts at train stations. They've occasionally asked me if I have some spare change for them. I always feel ashamed when they stand close to me and ask. They look so unkempt, with sweaty faces and as if they have a fever. They don't smell good either and have real rashes. They scare me a bit, and I try not to look at them. But I've felt guilty towards them for a long time.

I never gave them any change, never really looked at them, and never said anything. I feel so ashamed. I probably even insulted them by barely looking at them, not giving them any change, and ignoring them. Now, in hindsight, I wasn't helping them at all, and if they get frustrated and aggressive and keep it all bottled up, I'm partly responsible. They're not bad people, they're just unlucky.

I should really accept them as they are and what they have, even if I don't like it and am a little scared and ashamed. A girl here on xHamster even contacted me once after reading my profile text. She asked me if I would give myself to her drug-addicted boyfriend, who lives on welfare.

He's extremely annoying; he always wants sex, but she doesn't want to have sex with him because she's a prostitute. She needs the money to finance her and his drug addiction. She can't have sex with him because he has an STD, and has had it for several years. He gets angry every time he runs out of drugs and has to wait until he gets more. Then he's really bad with him, and he wants sex to distract himself, but then she knows she's not allowed to be in his apartment. She doesn't want to, and isn't allowed to, have sex with him.

Because she read that I felt sorry for poor drug addicts or people with STDs, and that I was alone and had only been used twice, and that I'd rather be a girl than a man, and that I liked dressing up as a sexy girl, and that I was also shy and didn't want to talk. Then she said I'd be perfect for her boyfriend. She said he was rough and not nice, but if I just came over every time, lay down on the mat, had my eyes blindfolded, and let her tie me up, and then just stay like that in the apartment for two to three hours, she'd go to work and leave me there with her boyfriend.

I wouldn't have to talk then, and I wouldn't see anything. I just have to agree to him possibly being rough and not nice, and having sex with me and ejaculating inside me. I would be a huge help to her and her boyfriend.

I was so stupid, I said no back then, but now I know that was wrong. I know I don't have to like it, and I don't have to like him either. I just have to let it happen when he's finished, leaves me alone, and I put my girl clothes back on, wipe the tears from my eyes, and leave until next time.

I wish I were offered that opportunity again, something genuine, not fake, and only real. I'll stick to that. I'm 49, slim, see myself as a girl, and feel like one too. I never want to ejaculate, give oral sex, or even be masturbated.

I'm 100% healthy. If some poor drug addict or someone with a real STD then... if possible, with a condom, otherwise, it's just how it is and how it's meant to happen. Then I want to get tested every four weeks to see if I've been infected. So it's okay if I have to give myself to him nonstop for four weeks. I read that you can only get tested after four weeks to see if you've contracted something.

I'm 39, slim, see myself as a girl, and feel like I never want to receive an STI. I simply don't want to have to speak at all. If it's desired and there's a separate mattress in the basement or somewhere else on the floor, then it's okay if I have to stay for four weeks. I just want food and drinks provided for me; I'm only allowed to close my eyes when I'm alone. I don't care what nationality he is or which country it's in. For four weeks, I could take vacation time and travel to this person, whether in Africa or anywhere else. And since I don't want to speak, it doesn't matter if I don't understand his language; it's just about him being able to have me and use me.

If anyone knows someone who has a real STD, or even a poor, sick drug addict, please tell them about my profile. If they want me to come to them, I'd be happy to. We could look at sexy girl pictures together, or put together some pictures and look at them together on the computer. I suspect that a poor drug addict or someone with an STD hasn't had sex in years and that's what I'm looking for. That must be incredibly frustrating; they probably don't even know what a girl looks like. I can show them which girl I'd like to be in the pictures. I know there's a risk that they might suddenly become aggressive and tell me to go to the room or the basement right now, lie down on the mattress, and blindfold me. Of course, that scares me a bit. But if they come into the room 10 minutes later, grab me, and have sex with me, it won't be their fault; it would definitely be mine. So, even if it hurts and I don't want to, I won't say or do anything. I just have to tell myself that if he hadn't done it to me, he probably would have picked up a girl on the street and pressured her into a public restroom at some point. So there's a silver lining, and that's how I can deal with it; it's okay with me.