I'm from Carrigaline, a town in County Cork, which is the southernmost part of Ireland. I was raised Catholic (I now cosnider myself a Pagan). I was raised by my mother. She was (and still is) a deeply traditional, religious, and strict woman, to the point of being domineering. The discipline, structure, and order she instilled in me as a little girl growing up is what I seek out from other women now as an adult. She is bigoted. She is against gay/lesbian relationships. She is the only one in my family who doesn't know I'm attracted to other women. I'm comfortable with her never knowing. We haven't had the best relationship over the years, but there were good times and I do love her. It's a very complicated thing. It's funny because she would probably faint if she knew the full extent of what I like in the bedroom and the submissive role/headspace I take when I'm with another woman - especially my desire for black women who are bigger than me. 

I've always been fascinated by the psychology of BDSM - where certain kinks/fetishes/fantasies come from, how they develop over time. I've done a good amount of reflecting on my own life. I honestly believe my upbringing influenced my sexuality. My mother tried to raise me to be like her and I turned out the opposite. I need structure, order, and discipline in my life. It's always felt the most natural to me to recieve those things from another female.

As a single mom of 3 who works full time, I get stressed out and exhausted often. It honestly fuels my desire to be totally submissive in the bedroom. I don't have a dominant bone in my body. Lol. I have to wear a false mask of dominance to be a mom and for my professional life. I'm very comfortable in my role as a sub/slave- to the point that I've accepted it as my eternal place.

I spent a lot of time with my favorite aunt as a little girl. She was a trainer of Irish race horses and was honestly my biggest role model growing up. She was the opposite of how my mom was. 

Head of Household

I'm seeking a partner/lover who wants to be in the role of Head of Household. I want another woman to "step in" and take on this role in a power exchange dynamic. I've been curious about a 24/7 dynamic for several years, but have never had the oppotunity to live out the lifestlyle in that way. This includes being in control of me (sexual domination... I'm open to financial domination, clothing/appearance control, diet control) and being the more domineering parental figure to my kids. I'm aware that some aspects of the dynamic would be noticeable outside of the bedroom and that's just something I'd have to get comfortable with. I have 3 kids - my son is 13 and my daughters are 8 and 11. I'm "mama bear" and "supermom" to my kids. They don't know that mama bear needs a mama bear. Lol. They know I'm attracted to other women. I've dated women and have had girlfriends. There's no secrets there. They probably don't know the full extent of what it means and they don't need to know. They don't know I like black women and I know that can't be kept a secret forever. I do sometimes wonder about how my kids would view me if they saw me being intimate with a black woman who is twice my size. I'm a sucker for PDA and I want a partner who is too - holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling, snuggling, being grabbed/held by the waist, even discreet breast/ass fondling is acceptable in certain situations. If a BBW black woman picks me up and puts me in her lap (in a vanilla public setting) or asserts her dominance over me in other subtle ways, I have to think my kids wouldn't respect me as a parental figure. Is it wrong for that to slightly turn me on? I want my kids to look up to my partner as more of the role model/parental figure in charge. For the last 2 years, this fantasy has involved a BBW black woman exclusively. It's a lot to take on. I don't want to make it seem like I'm pushing that responsibility onto my partner. They would have to want the same thing from the other end of the spectrum. 

 ~ Pixie