I feel a need to write about my life. I often want to talk to someone who doesn't know me, but my attempts to find someone on chat sites have failed. Rest in Peace the art of conversation. Maybe just writing about myself will be the answer. I want to expose myself and hope I will find it humiliating and embarrassing, partly because I have been stupid, but I just can't stop. Some of the time I love what I have become, others it gets overwhelming.

My name is Diane, I am 38, single, small, slim, and blonde. I also answer to subslut, a word I hadn't come across until two years ago. Weirdly, some of the men also call me after a character in a TV programme who they say I look like. I think they like the idea that I am a fantasy character, so they don't have to get to know me or have any responsibility.

I have been 'controlled' twice in my life. The first time was in my early marriage, and although my husband first had the idea, it wasn't him who ended up controlling me. The whole story is a bit of a mess, I was going to leave writing about this, but it may be better to alternate between the two different times in my life. I'll see how it goes, and how difficult it is to get published. I don't have much time to myself.

The second time started around 10 years later, after I had been helped to move to a completely new area, and I spent those ten years completely celibate. Not one boyfriend, not one date. I worked a few cleaning jobs, then set up my own business, mainly cleaning and shopping for elderly local people. It kept me busy and produced a stable income to pay the rent and bring up my daughter correctly.

My daughter is now an adult of course. It was her who actually reintroduced me to the state of being controlled. Her name is Violet, after my favourite song by Courtney Love and Hole. She was a virgin until 18, and, just like me, kept away from men and boys, and for those ten years we stayed home every night watching television.

Violet, had left school and despite my advice to get a job, she went to college. My thoughts were, if she was going out every day from 8am to 5pm, she may as well be working and earning, but teenagers in the UK seem to be steered towards education or benefits. She preferred to have no responsibility and no friends. So she could stay at college, she kept changing her courses, rather than completing any of them. Violet had also become less talkative, depressed even.

Have you heard of subsluts? Apparently, a number of elderly, dominant, affluent men are behind the project. There is a private website and forum somewhere on the dark web, and they enlist more local dominant men to find and train potential subsluts. I have been told that the aim is that there is at least one in every town and city around the world. Females who want to be used as sluts, but just don't know it yet.

I have tried to find the website. I would love to know more about it all, especially to see what they have said about me, and what photos and videos they have. I have tried to find the dark web, but didn't get far. Trouble is, I have so little spare time.

The intention is to enable older men to have regular free sex with younger women. Men who are probably on their own, widowed. So, for the women selected, it is more about slut, with a lesser focus on sub. There are also those who want to dominate of course. I have to tell all men I meet that I am submissive, but not to make them think it is necessary. For most it is just quick sex, once a week.

As you will discover, I am not under control any more, although there were consequences to that decision. They don't actually force subsluts to continue, it has to be our choice. Leave once, with no obligations, but ask to return, and then want to leave again, it won't be quite so easy. Believe me when I say that being a subslut under control soon becomes overwhelming.

At night, when I go to bed, or wake up in the night, I think of particular episodes of my life. It helps me get to sleep, although I often have violent dreams. Most of the time I think of what happened to get me into the position I am in now. Occasionally I think of the distant past, when I was married, and how I let myself be led into weird situations that I never benefited from. So, on that score, I will write chapters from both parts of my submissive life. I will try and name them so the stay in order. They certainly won't be the sexiest stories you will have read, and I won't be describing my intimate parts or inner most feelings, but they will show how sub/dom situations can happen and be real .... and how they shouldn't happen.

Thank you for reading.