It's going really well with the old black man. He's so easy to talk to, he listen to me. He's gentle, we're having fun together, he makes me smile and laugh. It feels so good to be with him.

But I'm afraid I'll ruin everything. We've talked about me spending more time there, not just on weekends, and I really want that. But before I do that, I need to talk to him. What does he want? I want black babies, a husband, a family. If he doesn't want the same, I don't think we can have a future together. It scares me so much to have this conversation, but I have to. I plan to do it this weekend when I'm there.

More than a month ago I wrote about the four thugs I met. I ran into one of them again. He started to talk to me, asking if we haven't seen each other before. We chatted a little and he seemed nice. Nothing like last time. I still think he looks like a criminal, but perhaps I'm wrong. Or if he is, there's a chance he can leave his old life behind.