Hay its tammy i wanted to explane myself and what its like to look at myself in a mirror ''I did alot of stupid shit in my past but i think the one that sticks out the most is my time with old man george ''i hated that dirty old man ''he lived in the trailer park in this old green trailer he lived there for over 40 years and never updated the thing there was shag carpet on the floor to give you a idea what it looked like .The smell of ciggaret smoke was strong from georges 2 pack a day habbit ''there was this ugly old recliner chair that george would always sit on i hated that chair because he would make me sit on his lap in that chair .

I will never forget how i shamed myself and did things in that trailer just to get high and drunk i truly disgrased myself and had no care about myself at all .the worst thing was when i would wake up in the morning  after spending the night with him getting high on coke or ecstasy and seeing him laying there next to me both of us naked i would hate myself for what i did with him .when i was sober i would wonder why i was there i had a beutifull bed room at home with a king size bed and my own tv and a play station .instead here i was laying i a dirty bed that smells like smoke next to a old man with yellow stains on his beard even his fingers where staind yellow from smoking ..I would lie to my mom and tell her i was sleeping at my friends and go over to georges trailer to get high it was the one place i could get molly or ecstasy and sometimes a little coke if i was lucky .

I did thngs just to get high and george liked what i did he would take his beer bottle and open it then he would tell me to lift my skirt and pull my panties to one side then he would take his beer and put the neck of the bottle into my pussy then he would fuck me with it a few times before taking a sip he said it made his beer better ..

the worst was when i was straight and had to suck his cock for something to get high on and it wasent fun it was so degratting ''things where way better after some molly or ecstasy and i was in my happy place ''george would invite his old man friends over and i was the entertainment .It was the same every time george would have a few friends over usualy 3 or 4 old men and he would get me high then he would sit in his old chair with me on his lap then he would stand me up and undress me then tell his friends ''shes all yours guys have fun''they would touch me and put there fingers into me then i had to taste each of there cocks before getting fucked by each of them it would last about 2 hours then i had to put a viagra pill on georges tongue so he could fuck me after they left and teach me a lesson for fucking his friends  .

The worst was when he got up in the morning and was still hard from the viagra and wanted to fuck me more and i wasent high anymore the feeling of being fucked by that ugly dirty old man was so degratting and made me sick i hated kissing him the yellow stain on his beard went around his mouth and i could tast sigaretts every time he kissed me ''he was so skinny i could see his ribs he was so disscusting to look at .i felt so dirty as he layed on top of me fucking me slowly ''I told myself every day i wasent going back there but there i was over and over again getting high and getting on my knees for that dirty old man .

He would sit in that old chair smoking and drinking as i got down on my knees and slowly sucked his cock there where nights i would suck on his cock for hours as he sat there drinking every now and then to keep my going he would put some coke on his hand and i would put it up my nose then go back to his cock ..George began to get his drugs cheaper after the guy that sold it to him said he would give him a big discount if he let me suck his cock and fuck me so george sold me to the drug guy and he came over every friday and thursday to fuck me for a few hours .. 

I am not proud of what i did for drugs and the cheap high i know it was wrong i truly degrated  myself in the lowest form possable and believe me i hate myself for every second i did it .When i look back at myself i have no excuses on why i did what i did except for the drugs and getting to my happy plase because when im there nothing matters its all about feeling nothing just a wonderfull worm tingly feeling its where dirty old men like geoge look good enough to have sex with ...