I had some bad news early January. I had a love when I was in my late teens. It took some time for me to not think about her just being a possible shag. We met during the week for a drink, amybe a film and we would "walk out" together on a Saturday night. That would be spent going on to a night club for a kiss and canoodle. Heavy petting in her car later on but we did not go all the way - it was me - I felt like I would walk away and hurt her feelings and she'd wonder what she had done. Most Sundays - of the weather was good - we'd drive out somewhere, a park a NT property, and just kiss and kiss and cuddle and hold each other in our arms.

We eventually got down to Percy Filth (if anyone can remember Cuckoo's nest) and it was lovely, never hurried always gentle, caring sex where we were both comfortable in out own skins. 

She'd have been my homemaker, a mother, a lovely person. Then about a year later I went to Ipswich Town one day with the Coventry City fans andthis ridiculous hot lady - 3 years older than me which seemed like a lifetime away - and I was flattered and I had a thing and very much hurt my love. my precious love. We kept close - and the damage was done. I worked part time in a busy pub (as well as night school and apprenticship) which lead to me going to Uni. We never lsot touch but we both moved on. I went abroad and she married and had children. 

Facebook came along and I found her and we friended each other and it was nice, we'd gossip about what we were doing - me in Munich, her an hometown girl. When I came back to England we would meet up occasionally for a pint and we'd send xmas and birthday cards. This xmas I did not get a card (it was my wife who noticed) and I was contacted by her best friend who told me she had passed away after a short illness. I had got along with her parents and they had no hard feelings towards me. Her dad had passed but her mum recognised me and thanked me for coming to the funeral.

I'm happily married now for 30 years, kids, grandkids, mortgage etc. Never forgot my 1st love. I never will.  Why do I keep getting all bloody upset about this?