For a long time, I assumed that intimacy had to look a certain way. I thought desire meant physical closeness and matching needs. When my wife didn’t naturally fit that mold, I worried something was missing or that I did something wrong. What I didn’t realize yet was that we weren’t lacking intimacy, we just needed a different kind.

Luckily my wife and I love spending time together and talking. Over time she shared that she doesn’t experience sexual desire the way I do. Less of a doer and more of a watcher. That used to confuse me. I worried about what that meant for us.

She was the one who brought up masturbation. She was not only comfortable with me masturbating, but she wanted me to. She genuinely liked knowing that I was experiencing pleasure. Over time, she began to encourage it more openly, sometimes by talking with me while I was masturbating, sometimes inviting me to do it in a more open setting - like in the living room or our home office where she can see me from the living room. This allowed her to be more watcher while I took on the more doer part.

What surprised me most was how intimate that felt. How exciting knowing she was aware, supportive, even vocally encouraging made those moments feel less like something I was doing alone and more like something we were sharing. I wasn’t hiding a part of myself. I was letting her see the perverted me and she wanted to see it, and she loved seeing it.

Porn, is a way for her to participate without really participate. Sometimes she’ll comment on what I’m watching, or tease me about what catches my attention. Other times she sends me porn memes that encourage masturbation addiction and porn addiction. She loves acting like my junkie and encouraging my fix.

Over time, I’ve stopped wearing clothes at home. I maintain a healthy workout schedule to keep my body nice to look at for her. I have had laser hair removal so that my oiled or lube skin is nicer to look at and feel. Obviously with her sending me porn memes, images and videos, she has to be consuming porn too. Our sex life is active, and this is just something that she really enjoys and I have to agree.