My biggest problem has always been my indecisiveness. When faced with decisions, even basic ones, I get anxious and over complicate the matter. From what clothes to wear to what to eat for lunch, I'm just a big ball of uncertainty. My therapist told me to slow down and live in the moment. See what the problem is as it exists in reality and try to filter out the weight I put on the choice. This sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. For basic every day choices, I see its value but once true feelings get involved, that's where I stumble, especially when it comes to relationships.

I'm a nerd, always have been. I grew up with two brothers that played video games and watched Lord of Rings every chance they got. I learned from them and their friends. So it was no surprise that in college when I met John, I'd fall for him. At the time, he was my perfect someone. We'd spend hours watching all the Stars Wars movies (Empire Strikes Back is still the best!) or I'd sit next to him while he played through a Demon's Souls or Skyrim epic. We clicked, and he was fun.

Deep down, for as much fun as we had, I still had my doubts. With such a variety of guys, how did I know I was with the right one? If thought about it too much, I'd start to hyperventilate and eventually break down in tears. John could always sense these disruptions and was the first boyfriend that calmed me down and brought me back and I took to that to mean he was the one. So, I convinced myself I loved him and let him take the reins.

After college, I got my teaching job that I worked so hard for and everything was coming to fruition. John proposed to me that summer too. I said yes and within a year, I was married the next summer, shortly after I turned 24. I enjoyed the moments the best I could but couldn't help the growing weed in my brain. The weed that said maybe I was making a mistake. I tried to analyze it logically but couldn't. On paper, John was great.

During my second year of teaching, I met Ben. He was in what we called a "pod" at work. It basically was a group of teachers that worked together for lesson plans and scheduling needs each year. Ben was one of the only male teachers in the school so he did stand out. I noticed the other teachers tended to give Ben a lot of attention and I basically thought it was to make sure he felt comfortable in a group of women. He was 41 years old and when he talked, I learned just how different a "real" adult was from my fresh out of college brain. I could tell I was out of my element and still learning the ropes. But Ben knew the way, and did it with such nonchalance.

Ben was an old soul. Married with two kids, he liked dated nerdy stuff but also had a knack for mechanics and interest in history. He started a robotics club and was learning to play guitar. He loved his wife and planned nights out. He coached his kids' flag football team and went to every one of their recitals. He was tall and well dressed too. With such ease, I envied him, a real Renaissance man.

But all that didn't matter, as he was just another teacher that seemed to be established. I was new, and somewhat lost. The other teachers seemed to only be polite and my efforts to impress the admin seemed to always backfire. I had hoped in my second year that my pod would have a rookie teacher but of course, I was stuck with older teachers for my "mentorship".

Out of the five teachers in the pod, Ben at least had some humor and didn't treat me like competition. I found it tough to relate to him but his smile was much more comforting than the scowls of the remaining female teachers. So, he took me under his wing and I used my nerdy Star Wars knowledge to gain some sort of connection. That became our hook, and with that, a friendship began to develop. Over time, I learned he went to comic conventions and knew more about the Marvel universe than I ever had. I shared with him some movies me and John enjoyed and he shared some of his. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and in time, our work talk was minimal.

But I didn't think much of it as most of my friends were guys. I shared their interests and liked to think I had a good sense of humor. I know I'm fairly attractive too and that always seemed to be a factor in their interest. But boys were boys, if not just downright juvenile. My breasts were fairly large for my frame and their over enthusiasm in that was annoying but tolerable. I found the attention infantile and wondered if a reduction was in my future. But alas, I remained indecisive on that as well and couldn't make a decision. That's probably why I married John, as that was never the focus of his attention. He supported whatever I did with my body and that went a long way. John was a bit more mature than all my exes and I respected that. Ben was the same way, no pressure and no silly attention on my body. Ben was just on another level with his maturity and directness. With him, he supported me like John but also gave direction, which I craved. Also, the fact that Ben was taller than me (I'm 5'10"), made my brain seem to want to listen to him a bit more than other guys of lesser stature. It sounds bad, but that was the truth when I thought about it.

Maybe that's why my feelings for John lessened after my first year being around Ben. Ben was a large mountain to look up to while John was just a boulder. I physically looked down an inch on John and that had always been a bother to me. Trying to not be shallow, I disregarded it the best I could but after being around Ben, it seemed to become an issue. I noticed it more and more as time went on, especially during my third year at the school.

The third year, Ben and I were in different pods. Our friendship by this point was at the next level. We got to know each other's secrets and shared inside jokes daily through text and various other apps. I convinced myself we were just friends but deep down felt my attraction to him growing. He was an established man that John had yet to become. John did his thing and that was fine, but Ben became a mentor. I stopped going to therapy and felt like I could handle most things, especially with Ben at my side.

Tall with curly brown hair and a thick pair of black glasses, Ben was cute. His sweater vests made me giggle but he always looked like the college professor from a cheesy 80's rom com. His jaw was too chiseled for a teacher and I wouldn't be surprised if he was the first crush of his students. He played the part of nerd but I suspected he was a jock at heart. Almost like Clark Kent in the original Superman movie. He spoke of wrestling in college one minute and being in the chess club the next. I almost couldn't keep up with all his hobbies and interests, but that was the fun of it. He kept me guessing and there always seemed to be a new side to him. I didn't have to decide what type of friend he was as he just seemed to quench my curiosity for whatever it was in that moment.

One day after our classes, I joined Ben in his class and gossiped about the usual nonsense. Our conversation turned to some pretty dirty jokes concerning the other teachers so Ben closed the door. We continued laughing and joking, not thinking anything of it. Well, another teacher saw the door closed and heard our laughter. Apparently this was a cause for concern and reported to the principal. That turned into a sit down with admin and a "stern" talking to about our closeness at work. I was embarrassed and couldn't believe that was all it took. From the sound of it, Ben and I were the talk of the school among faculty and most just assumed we were having an affair.

The meeting hurt me mentally and it was an anxiety I didn't need. I couldn't talk to John about it and I really didn't want to talk to Ben about it. It was silly and made me resent the people I worked with. We hadn't done ANYTHING! Can't two people laugh and talk without being a couple???

After that, things were odd between Ben and I. We avoided each other and the texts became more work related. It sucked because I truly respected Ben and I knew he valued our friendship. I tried a few times to reconnect but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Ben had moved on and maybe our friendship wasn't as strong as I thought.

I focused my attention to John and tried to find a deeper connection. Jokes I used with Ben fell flat with John and that's what hurt the most. Maybe John just wasn't my guy. He still played video games and that was fine, but that's all he did. He worked in IT and I had no interest in that. John had become stale and it didn't help that Ben's social media was a revolving door of new hobbies and activities.

Ben was my best friend and that was that. I made a decision to reach out and talk with him in person about what had happened. He agreed and after a quick conversation in passing at the school, we agreed to get out for lunch together. We grabbed coffee and just sat, staring at each other for the first few minutes until Ben spoke.

His exact words were, "Olivia, I like you. I like you a lot. But I have a family." His face remained stoic and lacked the usual warmness I had come to adore. After searching deep in his eyes, I confessed the same and acknowledged the elephant in the room.

From there, surprisingly, Ben treaded forward if not cautiously. I could tell he was careful with his words and tip toed around his feelings. But I got the picture, our feelings were mutual and we were playing with fire. We decided we would once again go our separate ways but this time, with maturity. We'd still be friends but tone down the flirts and laughs. To be honest, it worked, but only for a bit.

Upon re-entry in his life, I craved more and more of him. Knowing he liked me, I had a decisive female urge to impress him. Logically, I knew it was wrong and unfair to John, but knowing John trusted me and would never find out, eased my concerns. Ben was my friend, and yeah, we liked each other but understood it could never be physical. With that agreement, I let my feelings guide me.

From then on, I couldn't wait to go to work. Lunch was my favorite time as Ben and I would sneak away to chit chat. He'd feed me steak he made the night before and introduced me to Japanese soda pop. Oh it was great. I couldn't help but eye him and show my feelings with a lip bite or friendly wink. I think Ben enjoyed the gestures as his eyes would drift to my neck and hair as if he was analyzing my beauty. I felt like a work of art and with that, I painted a few masterpieces.

Now, I heard the snickers and back handed compliments from my coworkers when I did this, but I still don't care. When spring finally came and we had a warm day, I intentionally wore a tighter fitting blouse that clung tightly to my mid section and chest. When I left in the morning, I could see my nipples poking out but didn't care. The look was really to impress Ben. He never really said anything about my body, and that seemed to be the final territory he had left to comment on. I did wear a bra (I had too, I'm 36F or 36G depending on the time of the month) that helped with support but that was more for modesty purposes than anything. I looked visibly top heavy and although I was proud of my fairly flat stomach, I usually was self conscious of my boobs. Other girls were clearly intimidated and no, I didn't like "most" of the attention from the guys. But my mind was clear. This was for Ben. I wanted to get that reaction and finally show him all that I was without actually becoming physical with him. We were after all, married.

So at lunch, I walked into his empty classroom and there was Ben. After the eyebrows went up and the smile crept across his face, I knew I had made an impression. Of course, he made fun of my red hair being straightened and my sudden interest in makeup. All to be expected as the flirtatious nature of it made me smile. He never mentioned anything else though and that's what bothered me. So after returning from the bathroom, I intentionally unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt. Now, some skin was out and an inch or so of my cleavage was visible. He saw it and as we continued to laugh and joke, his eyes would routinely return to the soft spot meeting place between my breasts.

Oh, how I loved the attention! My lady parts quivered each time. I added to his interest and made sure to bend down and let them hang. He had to of known what I was up to but kept quiet. Eventually, I began to touch his leg after a joke. I knew he was getting the itch. I could see it in his eyes.

I tried not to lay it on too thick but I also wanted him bothered. This was me. The me he couldn't have.

After lunch I buttoned my shirt and we departed. Before too long I got a text from Ben wanting to meet in the technology room. He said he had a project he wanted to show and even though I hoped it was for something more, I didn't get my hopes up. I reminded myself I wasn't a whore and this was just for fun.

Sure enough, I met with Ben after classes. As expected, the room was just us and a bunch of dissembled robots. After looking around, and seeing we were alone, I shut the door and locked it. Ben seemed confused and then smiled.

And that's when things got crazy. We nearly ran to each other and our lips locked tight. We made out and handled each other with open freedom. His hand reach inside my pants and cupped my ass cheek while my arms wrapped around his broad triangular back. We slobbered tongues and made a mess of our faces. It was fantastic and felt oh sooooo good. My panties were becoming soaked as I wanted him all to myself.

He broke our tongue dance and turned off the light. We fumbled in the dim room until our vision somewhat returned. I pushed him along a work station and promptly unzipped his pants. As his pants fell, he whispered, "I gotta see those tits." To which happily I obliged. Quickly I fumbled with the buttons of my blouse before ripping off the last two. My boobs heaved out of the cups as I stood there without a shirt. He grabbed each cup and looked at my boobs with awe (it reminded me of what Indiana Jones did with the golden idle, lol). His eyes filled with lust just before his head disappeared in my warm softness. Oh it felt so good to be desired by this man!

Now, I give him credit because as smooth as can be, Ben unclasped the lock puzzle that were my bra hooks. All five of them, seemingly in one gesture. With a deep breath he smiled intently and again buried himself in me. The large monstrosity of fabric fell to the ground and each of my boobies plopped to their natural hang. I gathered and mashed my chest together, giving him the full experience.

My clit began to throb as Ben continued to indulge himself. My nipples hardened as blood rushed to my face. I knew my pale skin was probably showing red but it didn't matter. I needed him, in that moment.

I sucked his dick next. It seemed to fit perfectly in my mouth. Back and forth I worked it as he manipulated my tits. His cock was so hard, I knew I had won him. I continued as he began to cradle my head with one of his hands. Even in such a passionate moment, he still guided me by moans and deep breaths. Faster and faster he pushed my head into him. After minutes of this, I secured him at his base with my lips and there he held me. Looking up, my eyes began to water as he touched the back of my throat. Myself was his as he was the opposite of any boy I had had before. He was a man, not a nerd, not a geek. After an unintentional gag, I released Ben. He lifted my hand and laid me on the workbench.

A few random robot parts fell to the ground, we snickered and had a moment. His sleek smile made me even wetter as I waited for his instruction. Spreading my legs Ben tongued my pussy. In and out, side to side. He buried his head in my kitty with as much enthusiasm as my boobs. It felt so good as I could barely hold off from orgasm. Once his hands made their way back to my boobs, I had to tell him how close I was to finishing.

He told me it was ok and let off. Neither of us wanted it to end and I needed to feel his penis in me. I fumbled for it but he was already preparing himself by stepping out of his pants. I caught a glimpse of him pulling on himself as he picked my bra off the floor to avoid stepping on it. He briefly examined the garment and took a deep whiff of one of the cups. After draping it across a tool bench, he focused back on my boobs.

Ben groped my chest flesh with renewed enthusiasm. He squeezed them and sucked them until little bruises started to form. It hurt slightly but felt good overall. My body was craving his cum. I wanted every drop inside me to have and own. I grinded into him giving him the ok. Ben obliged by sliding in his rigid manhood inside my vagina.

Every inch gripped my inside. I felt plugged and satisfied. I knew I had made the right decision as this one was a no brainer. If I tried at that moment, I wouldn't have been able to tell you my husband's name. All I thought about was Ben. He was the only man on the planet.

In and out, slowly, Ben fucked me. My tits still in his grasp, our rhythm sinked. We kissed in a passion and he eventually released me to watch my pillows sway with his motion. We both smiled and looked at each other. I loved him dearly in that moment.

Then came the knock at the door. FUCK!!! My heart sank and he pulled out in an instant. I nearly fell off the bench as I attempted to roll and duck under the bench. I heard another knock and then a "hello" on the other side. I struggled to gather up my clothes as such sureness turned to utter dread. As I looked to find my bra, Ben froze and seemed to just accept his fate.

Both staring at the door, me, naked with a ball of clothes and Ben, still erect with his shoes on, we waited.

And waited.

And waited. Nothing.

Fearing a return, we quickly changed and prepared ourselves for further investigation. But it never came. We turned on the lights, readjusted the bench, and finally, left. Unharmed.

Days after that I was expecting problems but it never happened. Our relationship continued and went back to about how it originally was. Attached at the hip, we didn't care what people thought. We left doors open and kept our hands to ourselves in the school. Each of us had special after school projects that garnered a routine schedule. We used that to our advantage and when a club was canceled or ended early, we used that as our designated time to enjoy each other physically.

Alternating between my house and Ben's tinted SUV, we find a way to make love nearly twice a week. It's been like that for the past six months and John hasn't found out nor does he seem to suspect anything. It works out perfectly, as usually an hour or two after Ben has left, John returns home from work. From there, I go on about my day like nothing had ever happened. Even though virtually every surface on our first floor had Ben's bare ass on it some point, I don't care. It all just feels right and that for the first time is something I'm sure on.

Sometimes it takes a man to guide you. And Ben did just that. I love my boys, but sometimes, you need a man to get the job done. May the force be with you ;)