It took me a long time to realise that masturbation was my natural sexual limit. I thought that I was a standard straight man. More than enough for any woman. I ignored my constant failures, emotional, social and sexual. I ignored the stress that my failures caused me.

 A 4 year relationship, 2 years of which were completely sexless, made me realise what a sexually inadequate loser I am. Masturbation became my only sex life 12 years ago. I realise now that I deserved to be rejected. I have no manhood to offer to a woman. 

 What I never expected was not just that I would start to prefer wanking to sex, but also that I would start to crave the humiliation that comes with rejection. Rubbing my dick to my inadequacies and fantasising about denial feels so good.