Here i am in bed and i cant sleep again my head is in over drive and i cant seem to calm down my thaughts are all over the place i cant stop feeling guilty about what i do with my dad .I was with my mom in the kitchen helping with dinner and i couldent help but feel bad i couldent even look at her .I think about'' i should have stoped myself after that first blowjob but i didnt i let it go further and i know maybe if dad didnt let me drink it wouldent have hapend at all but thats just blaming him for all of this and its as much my fault as it is his .I was just so in need of attention and i wanted to be noticed so i let myself fall for a man as old as my dad dont get me wrong i love being with Dustan and everything he does for me but maybe i could have been more carefull where i sucked his cock ;You have to understand one thing im 19 years old and Dustan is 59 so when i am with him he is like a teacher or someone i look up to even another dad figure in my life all i know is when he pulls out his cock i go down on him i dont ask questions i just give him what he wants .

I will never forget the look on my dads face that night when he cought me on my knees with his best friends cock in my mouth he looked so hurt and dissapointed in me i almost began to cry .I got no sleep that night and in the morning when i finaly talked to my dad it was so hard to look at him i was ashamed of myself .I was very surprised when my dad told me he was more jelouse than mad and he was sad that i couldent go to him to explore my sexuality and just like that as i sat there on the kitchen chair and feeling guilty as hell and sorry for for my dad i felt my dads cock in my mouth for the first time i truly felt that i had to to make it better between us i wanted my dad to know i loved him .I think i knew we where ok when i felt my dad blow his load in my mouth and i heard him say ;i love you ; I didnt think about the future and it would become a regular thing let alone a few days later when i found myself with both my dad and dustan losing my verginity to my dad then dustan right after i never thought my first time would be with two men at the same time let alone one of them my dad .I have heard girls say you never forget your first and i know i will never forget the look on my dads face as he pushed his hard cock into me and Dustans face as he looked at my pussy waching my dads cock go into my tight little pussy holding my hand and telling me to relax ..

Every day i tell myself im going to tell my dad we have to stop but when i get him alone and i have the chance to talk to him i loos myself and end up naked and having sex its very hard to tell him what i want to when i have his cock in my mouth .Its easier to please my dad with my mouth then it is to tell him and risk hurting him i just finde every time i sit with him and we are alone i start  to talk then the feelings of total sadness  hit me so i put his cock in my mouth and i feel beter and i never tell him what i feel .

Its so crazy there are times i wish it was like before when i was lonly and never looked at at least i was normal not like now everything is messed up my feeling towards my dad are so confusing i love him like my dad but when im sucking his cock or he has his cock inside me i have very different feelings towards him there more like the feeling i would have for a boyfriend and there are times when we are having sex i tell my dad ;i love you ';but i mean it in a very different way than when we are not having sex ;iknow it sounds crazy but when i say i love you to my dad when where not having sex i mean it the same way i always did the way a daughter loves her daddy that kinde of love but when dad has his hard cock in my mouth or inside my pussy or where under the covers just playing with our bodies i say i love you and i feel strange because its not the same love i feel its more like the love a girl feels towards her boyfriend and that confuses me so bad how can i love my dad like that and still see him as my dad .

There are time i wish he didnt feel so good maybe it would be easier and i wouldent have these crazy feeling for him i even think about my dad when i suck dustans cock and i feel guilty about being with dustan i feel like im cheating on my dad FUCK im so confused i just domt know how to feel anymore i want to be with dustan and enjoy him but my thoughts about dad make it hard and when im with dad i feel guilty because of mom ;why is it so difficult i just want to have fun and experience sex that all i dont need the crazy drama and feelings im having .

I know its just me making it hard on myself and i should just enjoy the two men in my life but its hard i dont want to hurt my dad or dustan im not sure what the answer is but i hope to find one that works untill then i will continue to have sex with both of them and figure it all out as i go ....