As I've previously posted, working with young adults, you mostly hear the kind of stories you'd expect anyone to talk about. Sometimes though, you hear a story that plants a seed and makes you wonder what you can do.

I've heard enough stories from young men to know that the best approach for me was to create an invisible line across the door of my office. When I crossed that line upon entering, I was completely composed and professional. When I left, I could let my thoughts wander, they tended to do.

The line is necessary, as I've often found myself recounting certain stories while masturbating.

One particular student comes to mind, though you wouldn't think so at first.

Like so many other students, he came in to talk to someone about managing his stress with his studies and with other aspects of his life. He seemed to be distraught, which was unusual for his situation. I explained to him that he was in a safe space, that there's no judgement here and everything between me and him is completely confidential.

He started to talk about school, and the stress of studying and such, but he fixated on his love life, or lack thereof. He mentioned being too shy to approach women, and feelings of rejection when he had hopes of a woman approaching him.

As he talked about this, I noticed he started to speak hastily and was breathing heavily. I was concerned he might have a panic attack on the spot!

I asked him what he does to relax. He says he tends to walk laps in a hallway or around the block, or he tries to just not think about it. When I followed up with asking him if he found those things helpful, he gave a resounding "no".

I asked him if there was anything else he did that might actually help him, but he claimed that nothing else came to mind.

Typically for this kind of thing, especially for men, I expect them to at least indicate in some way that they practice masturbation, which is completely normal and is good for stress relief if not done to excess. Suspecting in this case that he must be too shy to say so, I simply asked him how often he masturbates.

His response, surprisingly, is he said he didn't.

I stared at him for a moment to gauge if he was telling the truth. He seemed moreso embarrassed about this than anything else.

I explained that masturbating regularly is healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. Considering that he might have a personal reason for abstaining, I asked if there's a reason why he doesn't. He explained that he grew up in a sheltered family and there was a combination of shame of the idea and lack of opportunities.

I then reiterated that masturbation is healthy, and that it's completely his choice as to whether or not he does. I ended the session by providing him some additional practices to relieve stress and stay calm, including some pamphlets on meditation. He asked if he could see me again and I replied "of course!"

And he did return, quite a few times. Over the weeks he talked about his journey of exploring masturbation and pornography. He went into specific detail about which sites he visited and which "genres" interested him the most. I made sure to remind him that provided this helps him feel better and isn't otherwise interfering with his life, then this was all good to hear.

He also started talking about a woman he met online. She apparently has similar interests as he does and they discuss their adult interests with each other quite often.

What he doesn't tell me is that this woman is significantly older than him. That she often sends him images and videos to tempt him. That she requests him to perform certain acts on himself.

I know this because the woman online is me.