I have long thouoght of myself as a bad person who needed to be punishe, and have been hurting myself for a decade, never telling anyone, ashamed of myself to begin with and ashamed of my self-harm behaviors. I would get urges to cut myself, but didn't act on them because i didn't want anyone to see the cuts or scars. I read about borderline personality disorder and figured that fit, but so what?

I would stand in front of a mirror fingering myself, then slap my own face and breasts very hard, and pinch my nipples as hard as I could. I would hit my breasts and pussy with a wooden ruler, a bamboo stick, or a short piece of 1x2 pine wood on my body parts. Sometimes I'd even sit on the floor of my closet fingering myself, with a rope around my neck looped over the closdet pole and holding the other end until I got really dizzy.

Once late at night I was standing naked at my second-story bedroom window (dooble-door window leading to a balcony) with the curtains open, fingering myself and hitting my face and tits with my hands, with other toys to use nearby, when I saw a the man who owned the house next door standing in the second story window across the drive, naked and masturbating. I was so embarrassed an dhumiliated, but not only stayed there, I opened up the doors completely and stood there with my legs spread, fingering and abusing myself hard (I had welts and bruises the next day). I was ashamed after that to be seen by him, but my urges took over and kept my eyes open for him; this happened about monthly, when his wife was away. I never told a soul about my horrible behavior.

Very recently, I made contact online with a Dom, and suddenly I feel so relieved: giving up total control brings incredible freedom. I am so much less anxious. I still know I am a bad and worthless thing, but now I am a thing with a purpose: following orders and serving. I understand I am nothing but 3 holes and 2 meat sacks, built for use and abuse, deserving a life of pain so that my Dom can enjoy a life of endless pleasure beating, whipping, using and breeding me...

For starters, i had to throw away every pair of pants and shorts, every bra and pair of panties. Now I wear only tops and miniskirts or short dresses with nothing underneath. And whenver i am home, I am to be naked. I am to wear a butt plug during the day (jeweled stainless steel) except when sleeping. I am to edge whenver I can, but never cum unless told tod (or there will be harsh punishments. Orders will follow, and I will do anything my Dom tells me to because it gives me a reason for existence.