Proceeding

From the Mushroom Club Secret Archives. Partially redacted for research use.

JUDGE BRACK: I am calling this special session to order. Thank you to counsel for rearranging your schedules on short notice. This session is with respect to the case Shallowit v. Camberhamb. Yes, this is a bit unusual, but I think this session will help iron out some of the questions of penis law that are of interest to both parties. I think to some degree we all feel that this trial has not been—how shall I say—as productive as all know it can be.

At issue is a number of nuances in the legal and proper practice of mounting between males. To be candid, the legal infrastructure around mounting is a mess of ancient and modern laws, regulations, and metrics that mostly confuse and befuddle participants, especially post-enforced male nudity laws. It has been difficult to discern proper procedure and correct interpretation of rights and privileges granted to claiming males. This session is not to question or criticize anyone’s education or litigation strategy. I simply believe this session will help build a common understanding between all parties and reduce the procedural interruptions we have encountered repeatedly throughout this case.

Before we begin, I want to clarify that at no point during this session should anyone be discussing the specifics of the case at hand. Counsel, please, please. I can’t stress this enough. Do not discuss the case. You will have plenty of time to litigate when we resume the trial. 

Second, the primary source of reference is the Code of Mounting and Deposit. This is an ancient code. Not everything necessarily comports well with our more modern understanding. However, it still underpins the laws we live by today and particularly in the technical matters before us. Please keep that in mind.

On the subject of technical matters, I intend for this to be a somewhat pedantic explanation of the demonstration. It is important that we understand the technicalities. I will be drawing heavily from my analysis which is recorded in volume 12 of the judicial record on this subject. There are supplemental references in the National Insemination Guide that will be alluded to as well.

The final thing I will note is that we are framing this pre-enforced male nudity laws. There is no assumption of compulsory nudity in this demonstration. We assume penises begin in a covered state unless otherwise noted or inferred from context.

Any questions before we begin? None. OK. I ask the court clerk to verify the penis registry and confirm all parties have been properly entered into the record.

CLERK SHEFF: The penis registry has been verified. The court is ready to initiate your honor’s penis.

JUDGE BRACK: I am Judge K. M. Brack. I am a large penised male asserting 10.782 inches of length, 6.84 inches of girth, and a 94.532 sperm displacement index.

CLERK SHEFF: The court has verified and accepted your honor’s penis. Parties present acknowledge inferior status and defer to your honor’s large penis through the duration of this proceeding. Your honor is free to reveal.

JUDGE BRACK: Thank you, Clerk Sheff. All parties take note that this proceeding is a demonstration of a wild mount by myself, Judge K. M. Brack exercising the rights and privileges of the large penised male. It is requested the Clerk record the presence of the mounting platform and bench. All parties are reminded that they are to comply with law, rituals, and customs associated with the activity of mounting during this proceeding.

We begin with the advertisement. “The large penised male is to freely advertise his member.” Simple, clear direction, right? I am unzipping my slacks and pulling my penis and testicles through the opening. I am fully flaccid and swinging my penis laterally. I am careful to minimize motion of the testicles and maximize motion by the penis itself. I am showing my penis with the intent to be seen and interpreted. This is the advertisement. Other males should begin to take notice though I will direct my communication to the small penised male I intend to mount. His attention to my penis will be the strongest if I am skilled in my advertisement.

Next is the presentation. “The large penised male is to freely present his member and assert claim to entry and deposit.” This is the first place where we have difficulty. Many people think this means “become erect and penetrate.” We can blame this on pop culture as much as anything. The “THRE.at” videos, “Dry Docking”, “Stinging”, “Corking”, “Break, Lock, Inseminate”, I can go on and on. None of those trends have any basis in the mounting code and are fetish content meant to exploit the perceived brutality of mounting especially in ancient practice. I might relent and say the early THRE.at videos are in many ways aligned with a traditional assertive penis display. However it has become clear they are Mostly a venue for large premises males who are relatively unskilled at meaningful penetration. In any case, p

roper mounting is not an attack to satisfy sexual frustration or conquest. It is a demonstration of reverent adherence to the penis hierarchy and skilled penetrators. The mounting male must always deserve the pleasure and satisfaction he derives from planting himself in his recipient. Mounting is a civilized execution of male dominance guided by our instincts to execute ceremonial penis interactions.

Presentation is a transition from the state of the penis during advertisement from flaccid to erect and a change in the character of penis display. The large penised male may then wag, flex, swing, or otherwise engage in intentional primal penis communication. These motions are meant to convey the intensity of the male’s sexual energy and command attention and signs of  respect by nearby males.

At this point you should have noticed my penis at full erection. Your attention should be  focused only on it as you feel compelled to expose your penis and become erect. I am moving my penis in such a way to trigger primal instincts and communicate my intentions to mount this small penised male. We are not yet at a penetrative stage. I see others have now exposed their members and are pointing in my direction as expected. It’s at this point that the most assertive male’s penis becomes the central point of communication. My erection will stiffen naturally to outcompete any potential rivals and subdue trivial competitors. 

OK, let’s keep moving. You now see the small penised male has rested his testicles at the tip of my glans. This indicates that he has acknowledged my intention and is prepared to be mounted. This is not the only way he can communicate this and everyone here should be familiar with basic penis communication protocols. Another note to make here is that this is not necessarily a sign of submission, only an acknowledgement of the proposed mount. Being mounted, deposited, and claimed does not always mean submission. Submission is a whole different legal can of worms. We’re not going to get into that in this session.

Now, we have completed presentation and been acknowledged. The next step is declaration. During declaration “the large penised male will gratuitously lubricate and demonstrate his member.” This is where penis superiority display begins in earnest. This is the point at which the mounting male truly begins to flaunt his size and other characteristics to demonstrate his worthiness of Entitled Entry. Let us not forget the the phrase “gratuitously lubricate.” You cannot have too much lubrication at this stage. The penis should be liberally coated to the point of excess. Again, this is a display intended to be highly visually stimulating. “The large penised male is to flaunt his size and turgidity with supreme arrogance and aggression.” The communication should be clear that the penis is dominant and assertive. The male should be obvious and unabashed in display of his sexual organ. 

This has been an area of contention in this case so I will clarify that this court has for more than a century interpreted this traditionally. The case law has continually supported that mounting is both a dominance exercise and a display exercise and the large penised male is actually obligated to induce “sexually competitive irritation” in “his rivals, allies, and neutral parties.” There’s always been something important in that description—sexually competitive irritation. We as penised males understand this deeply. Particularly the word irritation. We cannot resist seeing the penis in action. We feel compelled to compete or participate in some way. My organ must touch his. Greet it and assess its place in the hierarchy and respond accordingly. Challenge or demure. Trigger a sperm response or fully engorge and resist. We simply can’t help it as natural creatures. 

The clerk will note I have completely removed all of my clothing. I am liberally coating my large penis with oil. As you have noticed, I have come to full erection here. My large penis is fully coated in lubrication and every vascular inch is glistening. My erection is high and turgid and meant to fully capture your interest. I can see around the room that many of your are involuntarily flexing your erections which is exactly what is expected in this scenario. The sheer size of it is attractive to you. When I let it hang you can see the weight as it swings and slaps against my thighs. The complex pattern of veins in my sexual instrument triggers your penis to compete for attention but it cannot. The flared head of the glans is well designed for displacing and trapping rival sperm. Seeing it will trigger you to release more sperm, however, it will be in vain as my glans is a near perfect insemination tool. When I flex my penis, you can see the veins and glans engorge. My proudcock stands high and erect projecting eminence in rough dominion. 

Counselors, I—allow me just a moment. I know that phrase gets everyone aggravated. No, not aggravated. Excited. Is that fair? Triggered? Is that a better word? Yes. I will get there. Patience, all. I’m in a very primal state so let’s not upset the balance in this moment. Remain your focus on my penis while we venture through this complex and nuanced ritual. 

This is my declaration. My penis has been fully demonstrated and the small penised male has reacted to signal he is ready for insertion. He will present only momentarily before insertion. The large penised male must react quickly or risk being challenged. 

Just that fast and I’m in. I have inserted my glans and anchored the corona. If you blinked, you missed it. I’ve done this 873 times. Well 874, now. Quick and assertive. In my early days of study, it was called specialized insertion. The ability to enter quickly with seemingly no resistance but not plunging past the flare of the corona and quickly flaring to lock in place. I have taken my place inside of him to begin taking pleasure.

OK. This is a good point to go back to eminence in rough dominion. I don’t care what the Northern Region judges say. I don’t care what your favorite law professor says. I don’t care what the Genetic Transfer Base says. Eminence in rough dominion is unknowable. The penis asserts itself and is not censored in its desires regardless of social context. The mathematical models are flawed. The social models are flawed. The penis fighting models are flawed, but I will admit they are the closest we’ll get to the truth because the activity is so primal. I have broken the Gradfinch model more than 400 times myself with casual passive display. The dominant penis cannot be displaced. The unique communication of each male is probably both too complex to map and partially unknowable. That makes it very complicated for resolving certain cases. Thankfully it is not at issue in this case. I am inserted in this male because my penis established its ability to breech this male. Still you cannot pinpoint or replicate the moment it did that.

COUNSELOR MANOW: Your honor, the intensity of your veined shaft is triggering my sperm response. 

JUDGE BRACK: Counselor, that’s disappointing but not shocking. You may tribute the union but do not dare let your glans come into contact with my shaft.

COUNSELOR MANOW: Your honor, my triggered seed spills forth and seeks your shaft.

JUDGE BRACK: Your seed is received and repelled, not captured. My seed is retained. I will continue.  

I have entered and am not resisted. “The large penised male strains his girth through the ring of his drive.” For your legal scholars, this is a simple instruction but is imperative. The male being mounted must be pulled on to the large penised male’s member. It may not read that way, but there have been volumes written on the subject of that sentence. My body, my core is stiff. My angle of penetration is direct. The energy of the “thrust” is from my arms. The body is pulled in and the penis remains stationary. The speed at which this is done is eminence in rough dominion territory. The context determines how it is performed. The penis creates its own path of maximum stimulation and executes it.

I have fully penetrated. If I have not done so, I must—must release my testicles. From this point forward I must “maintain a striking swing of the testicles against the mountee.”  Each stroke should swing my testicles forward to make contact. If you need to relocate to get a better view, please do. The focus is my fertile low hangers as I derive pleasure from the penetrated party indefinitely. Each time my testicles slap into his they are establishing their superiority. Many males when mounted can only properly release sperm with steady continuous concussive contact by the large testicles of the mounting male.

At this point I will ask the clerk to verify and record that 17 minutes of penetrative activity has occurred. 

CLERK SHEFF: The clerk records 17 minutes of penetrative activity. The mounting male Judge Brack is prepared and clear for deposit. The record will reflect that four males present were prematurely triggered into sperm response.

JUDGE BRACK: OK, we are coming to the end. The second to last act is the deposit. Once the large penised male has been satisfied he will “verbally claim the mountee with the conquering phrase of the governing jurisdiction.” Attention gentleman. I am at the critical moment to produce my seed. You all will undoubtedly will be affected seeing my girth swell as my testicles heave.

The conqueror’s rod rests deep and deposits the essence of his legacy. 

I have ejaculated. I have plowed my erection into this male you see before you. I have enjoyed his tight entrance around my swollen girth. I have physically demanded pleasure and extracted my DNA into his body. Momentarily, I will withdraw which will initiate open sperm response. I expect the room to remain orderly as you tribute my penis with your semen.

CLERK SHEFF: The mounting male Judge Brack has deposited sperm in the mountee. The remaining unejaculated males have duly tributed Judge Brack’s superior penis.

JUDGE BRACK: With that. Let’s recess and when we return we can review chain of dominance and related topics. 

CLERK SHEFF: This special proceeding is in recess.