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I wasn't always like this. Perhaps that isn't true; it's hard to say for sure. Maybe it was always there, just below the surface. Justice was always a thing for me, at least justice that fit the crime. Besides, when someone fucked me over, I was able to turn off my feelings towards them. Maybe I should tell you my story.
I'm John Corbin, married to Leah, unfortunately, for eighteen years at the time, and father to Christopher, sixteen and a half, and Hallie, fourteen. I say it was unfortunate, but it wasn't always that way.
I met Leah near the end of our freshman year at college. Her bubbly personality, gorgeous face, and smile drew me in hard. Leah was always a little on the plump side. 'Pleasantly,' I think people call it. No one would call her 'fat.' That was fine by me because I wasn't into petite women; no skin and bones for me. That had to do with an earlier relationship, so I'll rewind a bit.
My dad was a drunk, and a mean one at that. He liked to dole out beatings when he was drunk, which was six-point-eight days out of seven. He never laid a hand on my two younger brothers, only me. Mom caught him once when I was twelve, and she divorced him. People always said it was a disease and not his fault. I couldn't accept that. He knew what he was doing. He had to choose to beat me as well. He drank so much, so often, that he never seemed any different, drunk, inebriated, or sober, so both things were clearly a choice.
Leah's parents were nice to me but it soon became clear that they weren't enamored with me. Leah's sister, Lorna, was a bit of a different story. Where Leah had that plumpness, Lorna was a scrawny beanpole and awkward, almost goofy. She played power forward on her high school basketball team. Leah also had a more rounded, prettier face, and it was easy to see that Lorna had spent her adolescent years dealing with her inability to compete with her sister's looks. And Leah interacted with her as if Lorna was her lady-in-waiting which, over time, soured Lorna's impressions of her big sister.
I always tried to be kind to Lorna. Early on, I sort of felt sorry for her, and it was easy to engage her. Over the years, though, I found Lorna to be smart and easy going. She always had trouble cracking a joke; that was just her self-esteem, but she sure grew on me, no pun intended.
As she grew and her basketball talent emerged, she began to display that confidence that seems to befit successful athletes. By the time she was a senior, she was still a beanpole but she showed the beginnings of a body maturing into a woman, with her hips and curves seemed to be trying to emerge.
So, Leah and I got married at the age of twenty-four and one year after getting our college degrees. We were in love, after all. Those early years were both exciting and difficult. I went to school for an engineering degree, and Leah for accounting. I put myself through college with a little help from my parents and by working as an apprentice in a machine shop. After graduating, I found I liked the work and stayed on.
Chris was born twelve months after we married, which meant Leah put her career on hold to raise our son. Not even two years later, Hallie joined our crew. Those were tough financial times, and our stress was through the roof, even though we enjoyed our children. Looking back, they were what grounded us.
Five years later, once Hallie was in kindergarten, Leah went back to work with a larger accounting firm. At the same time, I decided to open my own shop, which further strained our money. Still, we worked hard, Leah in a job and raising the kids. I spent the first year looking for clients and a partner. Often, Leah or I would have to pick up the kids at her parents after school, and I'd see Lorna, who was then 'Auntie Lorna' to Chris and Hallie.
Like many families in our situation, we didn't start to realize the fruits of our labor until the kids were heading to junior high school. If it sounds horrible, it wasn't. We had love and lots of it. The sex was better than good, at least if what she was saying and how she was behaving were good indicators. While love doesn't solve everything, it's always mandatory for a cohesive and successful family unit. At that point, I had absolutely no concerns regarding fidelity or loyalty.
It was as Hallie was preparing to start high school that I became uneasy. Nothing ever stays the same, and I embraced that, but Leah seemed unsettled occasionally, almost longing for something. I couldn't put my finger on it, but whenever I asked her about it, she would blow it off as nothing, which was my first red flag. There had been changes of any kind concerning work or our social lives.
Proactively, I did some research. The first thing that came up in my search online was the ten signs of a spouse cheating. Leah exhibited only a few. Boredom, uneasiness, and anxiousness were all things that seemed to affect women as they got older and saw themselves as less attractive. Again, she was a bit chubby, but in a good way - I thought it added to her sexiness - but women can be their own worst critics when it comes to their appearance. A few articles pointed to the beginning of menopause. I certainly didn't like that word. It sounded too much like man-o-pause. Besides that, Leah was the same person around me and the kids.
I kept a close eye on things. Our sex life remained the same, meaning no more or less than usual. I first booked a trip to Sedona for Valentine's Day and another to Monterey, California, later that year for her birthday. She seemed appreciative and the 'unsettled' Leah disappeared for a week each time but my sixth sense was telling me she still wasn't all in, that there was still something preventing her from completely rejoining the family and the marriage. The trouble was that it didn't take long to return - whatever it was. I tried talking to her about it several times and then pushed the issue. The kids were out with friends on a Friday night, and Leah was relaxing in the family room.
"Leah," I said nonconfrontationally, "we need to talk."
She put her phone down and looked at me as if to say, 'Go ahead,' but then she saw the serious look on my face.
"Okay," she replied carefully, "as long as we're not going to that same tired conversation again because if we are, my answer is the same."
"Listen to me, " I exaggerated sigh. "It's only a tired conversation because you won't engage. You won't let me in. Something is clearly bothering you; it's like you're putting up a wall. I've been patient because you're my wife, and I owe it to all of us to try to work through it with you, but my patience is running out."
That was the wrong thing to say. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked indignantly. "Are you threatening me?"
"No. I don't own you, nor will I tell you how to live your life, but you are my wife. As long as you are my wife, I expect we will communicate to resolve any challenges we may face. You've changed these past weeks; you know it, I know it, and the kids certainly feel it. Don't you want them to feel secure, if not for me, for you and me? Please let me in so we can solve this together."
That started a big fight that was far from the original topic. Honestly, it was the biggest fight of words I could ever remember with her. Nothing was solved, and she ended up leaving the room, entering our bedroom, and locking the door in some sort of faux protest.
It was a very cold weekend after Halloween, but it was sunny and warm outdoors. I'd been given my second red flag.
Leah apologized on Monday evening for her attitude and words. She reiterated that nothing major was wrong; she was just going through a 'lull,' as she put it, but my gut burn worsened, telling me she was just going through the motions. I wasn't buying it despite her nearly fucking me senseless that night.
The following day, with sobriety absent the ecstasy, I had that old sinking feeling again. Getting back into it with her and re-explaining the give and take of a marriage seemed a waste of time to me. I was at a loss as to what to do and didn't like that. I'd been a take-charge type of person, so I was definitely in uncharted territory. I reflected on our lives together, our family, and other times we'd fought about things or been under stress.
Thanksgiving was, as always, a big family affair. Leah's father lived in an expensive senior community in Florida ever since Leah's mother had passed six years earlier. My parents also retired recently and purchased a much smaller condo one state over. The kids loved and missed their collective grandparents, which made the day even more special. Lorna had moved into a townhome with former teammates, getting established in her new job as an entry-level analyst for a data firm. Her excitement was palpable as she regaled us with stories after dinner. The kids were captivated by their auntie!
Whether Leah's attitude and demeanor changed in the weeks between one big holiday and another, I'm not sure. Perhaps it was just the grind of the season, shopping, and other things that drew your attention during that time of year. Leah reminded me one night that her company's holiday party was scheduled for December 15, one week away. The accounting firm did very well for themselves and their one hundred or so employees. Ever since the pandemic, they'd decided to combine the festivities with their awards presentations, which used to happen at the firm's summer barbeque.
The party night arrived, and I watched Leah as she got ready while I did the same. The first thing I noticed was a new dress. That, in and of itself, was nothing new. Leah liked to look good in public and, by association, for me. She was primping herself, though, so I enquired.
"Babe, you look stunning! I am certain every guy's eyes will be on you...you look beautiful; you are beautiful!" She still had a tummy, but it didn't turn me off. I felt like jumping her right there, dinner be damned!
"I might be getting an award tonight," she responded, nonplussed. "For finding that large discrepancy in McMahon's books." She had indeed found a significant transpositional error for McMahon, one of the firm's largest clients.
I didn't have to wait long as things changed for me shortly after we arrived. After being greeted by several senior managers, I was sitting at our assigned table, and Leah was across the room chatting up a storm with another group of four women, only one I'd previously met. They were sure having a good time, almost like schoolgirls with a secret. I watched carefully and tried to calm my mind until a tall, good-looking, well-dressed man joined the group and was welcomed into the suspected gossip. At least that's what it appeared to be, without hearing their conversation, and the tittering among them got my attention. On the other hand, he looked like a stallion moving in among his mares.
After nearly half an hour, I decided to remind my wife that I'd accompanied her. After getting a glass of her favorite wine from the bar, I walked up to the group, stood right beside my wife, and slipped my arm around her waist while I whispered, "Hey, remember me?" When she turned to me, her face turned red and her eyes darted to the side, toward the guy, then to her friends. That was when I first knew there was a problem, or should I say, the source of my problem?
"Oh, hi, honey," she said with a giggle and looked around the circle at her friends. "Ladies, this is my husband, John." She introduced all four of them.
The women all gave cheeky little smirks and greetings, and as I looked and acknowledged each of them, I was greeted with an array of pleasantries and sidelong glances as if they knew something I didn't. Then, my wife touched my forearm and turned me gently toward her.
"And John," she said proudly, "this is Bryce Densmore, our new boss. I'm sure I mentioned him to you a few months back. He's heading up the local team for a few more months before heading to our West Coast office." I had, in fact, heard the name only once before.
There wasn't an exact thing that I could put my finger on but my gut was churning again...and I learned long ago to trust my gut even when my brain was telling me otherwise. I shook hands with him; nothing macho on either of our parts. We were both about the same height and build. He didn't do anything alarming, but as soon as he let go of my hand, he immediately went back to talking shop with the women, as if I'd simply disappeared. Worse yet, Leah ignored my presence along with the rest of them.
Finally, feeling like a fifth wheel, I returned to our table. I was extremely pissed with Leah, not for enjoying her workmates or party, but the dismissiveness and disrespect she showed me in front of people she worked with.
Twenty minutes later, the CEO took the mic and asked everyone to be seated. Leah returned to our table, all smiles and acting as if we'd just arrived. She was clearly the queen bee that night and I was a mere drone.
"Oh, is that for me?" she asked of the wine I'd never bothered to hand her when I'd previously walked over to her. Leah looked at it and almost downed it in one go.
Leah finally began to include me in the banter around the table, and I wondered if she did so only after recognizing my soured mood. All too quickly, after the salads arrived, top brass took to the microphone to talk about the company's financial year and then the awards began.
Leah did receive accolades and said a few words. Densmore spoke first, about what a hard worker she was and how valuable her attention to detail was to the firm and the client. Leah thanked her team and, of course, Bryce Densmore for his tutelage. Her gaze toward him as she delivered her comments looked to me like a high school freshman out meeting the starting quarterback, and I questioned my decision to remain.
Finally, after dessert, Leah seemed to remember I was there. The band started up and she asked me to dance. She said little on the floor and we whirled about, and I could tell she knew what she'd done to piss me off. Keeping quiet, her head remained on my shoulder for the two slow songs we danced to. It took all of my resolve not to call her out, so I told her how proud I was of her award.
As the night wore on, she had other dances with some of her new friends. A few women approached me, but I politely declined, too enthralled by watching the spectacle that was my wife. As I was becoming bored with it all, Densmore approached her on the way back to our table, and she headed right back to the dance floor with him.
I felt a hand on my shoulder as I watched. It was Barbara Long, one of Leah's co-workers whom I knew well. I knew she was married to one of the company's senior managers, Will, but I never recalled ever seeing them together. She was alone when she approached.
"Hello, John," she said carefully, maybe forlorn. "I haven't seen you in ages."
"Barbara! How good to see you again." She took a seat next to me, but really at my back since I was facing the dance floor.
"Leah seems to be enjoying herself tonight," Barb said nonchalantly, probing.
"Yes, quite," I replied.
"She's done well working with her new team. Will has mentioned that her work and results have been noteworthy." She added, "It is not a surprise that she won the award."
"Funny, that," I said with emotion. "I didn't know anything about a new team. I only heard the name Densmore once, over dinner and that was four or so months back."
She raised her brows for a split second before regaining composure. The song was ending, and Barbara decided to say what she came to.
"John, keep your eye on Leah," she warned. "Densmore makes the company a ton of money. He's a shark. He's also got quite a reputation with the ladies, those other four Leah was talking to earlier, to be exact. She's always been smart, and I know she loves you and the children to death. In this case, I think she's in over her head and neither of us wants to see her get hurt."
"Something you'd like to confess?" I asked, turning to look her in the eye.
"No," she adamantly told me. "But I'd be worried about the future if I were you."
That was enough for me. Even if Barbara hadn't approached me with her ominous warning, I'd have suspected.
After we left the party, I said very little to Leah. I wanted to think some things through before any possible confrontation. The drive home was brief, but the silence between us and the tension in the air made it seem like forever. Deep down, again trusting my gut, I talked myself into not saying anything I may regret, resisting the anger that had built up over the evening. Barbara's words hung heavily. At the same time, I knew I couldn't wait long.
We spent a stiff, quiet weekend, neither of us seemingly wanting to start a conversation. I'm sure the elephant in the room was a wonderful distraction to her, while to me, I was already writing her off. Then, on Sunday night, I came and sat with her in the living room and turned the TV off.
"I think we need to talk about Friday and the party," I said quietly but firmly.
"Okay," she replied, dragging out the word. "Talk about what?"
"C'mon, Leah, how long are you going to play this game?" I half scolded. "All the 'new' things that I'm curious about. Care to enlighten me about your last several months at work? Isn't it time you came clean about what's going on?"
"Sure," she said with a sigh. "I've been very busy, working with a new team set up for our larger or multi-national clients. It's been... crazy and rewarding. I get along with the new women on the team. Additionally, there may be some travel soon to clients' world headquarters or conferences."
That wasn't what I expected, but it was telling, nonetheless.
"I see," I tried to remain neutral in my tone. "That's perfectly understandable but why will you not use me as a sounding board? No one has your back as I do. You've been distant and then you diss me in front of your co-workers. And this Densmore character? Your new boss? Tell me about him."
Leah blushed slightly but regained her composure quickly. "Don't tell me you're jealous, John," she said with fake incredulity. "He's my boss, and yes, he's young and handsome. That doesn't mean we have a thing. He's been very helpful, teaching me some shortcuts to finding discrepancies, like the one I was awarded for."
"Okay, for the record, I'm not jealous. Should I be? I'm your husband, but I'm referring to the way you interacted with me or didn't interact with me for most of the night. I realize these are as much networking events as holiday celebrations, but you see these people every day. You treated me like shit, like you'd rather I wasn't there. You don't know how close I came to leaving you there alone to fend for yourself and, after you swooned over him in your acceptance remarks, I kicked myself for remaining. I did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment."
"John, Honey, perhaps I could have handled it better. I'm sorry if I treated you poorly. That was certainly not my intent. Perhaps you're being too sensitive. We're bonding as a team; this was an opportunity to do so in a social setting. I also thought that you are more than capable of holding your own in these situations rather than me holding your hand all night. You really would have left me there alone?"
Her look was one of determination and conviction that she had done nothing wrong. "I strongly considered it but didn't because I thought my place was to remain and support you during your night despite the disrespect. Your reluctance to discuss whatever has been bothering you with me also has my attention. The way you and they tittered around Densmore was embarrassing."
I could see Leah wasn't going to give it up, which saddened me.
"You know, these used to be employee-only gatherings simply to avoid the occasional spouse or significant other being offended or worse at comments or gestures or dancing; you know, kinda like an employees' night out to let out steam and meet each other in a social setting. Despite what you think, you have nothing to worry about."
I could understand embarrassment, and simultaneously, I wouldn't tolerate lies. She was smitten, or that's how she looked at the party. The women on her team grouped like a cackle, giddy with whatever secrets they seemingly kept from the company at large. I suspected at least a few had already slept with Bryce Densmore.
But suspicion was all I had. Barbara's comments added to the spark that began the night's fire, and now, my wife's matter-of-fact, business-as-usual, no big deal attitude had me in full gallop.
Christmas came and went in a whirlwind, as every parent can relate. Leah was back to being her old self, and I began questioning Barbara's ominous warning. We spent New Year's Eve at a friend's party and enjoyed our night. Returning home, Leah had had several drinks and wanted to get frisky. More than frisky.
We did it twice that night, not going to sleep until the wee hours. Leah was uncharacteristically aggressive, quickly taking me into her mouth, a rare occurrence, as soon as we made it to our bedroom. She even tickled my ass with a finger until I came. Emboldened, I did the same and found that she warmed to the intrusion of my finger there, bucking on my hand, which she had firmly rejected in the past. We fucked twice after I'd returned the oral favor.
It wasn't until the morning that the little hairs on my neck began to stand up again. Sure, it was New Year's, and we'd let our hair down, but my wife was rarely the aggressor. It was just enough to get me worried again because things were lining up just as I had expected when I first started playing out this shit show in my head.
As it turned out, I didn't have much time to dwell on things. When I arrived home that following Wednesday, Leah was already there, cooking a nice meal for the family. Chris was allegedly doing homework at a friend's house, and Hallie was at cheerleader practice. I jokingly asked about the special occasion, but Leah blew it off.
After a really nice dinner catching up with the kids, Leah joined me to watch some TV. She sat much closer than usual, locking her arm in mine, which put me on alert. Just before ten, she told me during a commercial that she had to attend a conference from February 9th to the 13th.
Ahh, there it was! Any doubt was now gone as Barbara's words shouted back at me.
"Who else from your firm is going to this conference?" I couldn't help myself. A part of me wanted to keep things close to the vest, but it was difficult then.
Leah looked at me strangely, as if I'd asked the one question she didn't want to have to answer right out of the gate.
"Karen, you may remember from the party," she said, then hesitated. "And Bryce... Mr. Densmore, of course."
Of course, I thought. "Where is the conference?" I asked, not wanting to go further down the attendee list or seem perturbed by it.
"Philadelphia," she vaguely replied. Then, she changed subjects. "Hallie will need a ride home from school late that Thursday night. They have an away game, and she rides back on the bus."
So, my wife would be gone for five days and four nights. She'd return the day before Valentine's Day, which was a Saturday that year. I had little time to try and get her head out of her ass, but mostly, I had to plan for the worst-case scenario.
I decided I needed to do some research to better prepare myself for what appeared to be a runaway train wreck of a marriage. I didn't limit my knowledge grab either. Telltale signs of infidelity and divorce were the first topics. Then, I started reading about the psyche of the cheater. Certain romance novels and stories of cheaters online. Even though men most often cheat, the number of resources about cheating wives was abundant. They often cheated for emotional reasons, like becoming an empty-nester or having a younger, attractive man pay attention to her, those types of things. Rarely, but sometimes, it was the dreaded 'change of life'. Sadly, Leah was exhibiting more of these symptoms as time passed.
Living in a suburb of Boston, in the state of Massachusetts, meant my ass would get scorched in a divorce. It didn't matter who cheated on whom, and the wife had to be a literal axe murderer to lose custody of the kids. Mine were old enough that the family court would consider their desires of where to live and with which parent but it wasn't a given. That came down to the luck of the draw and the judge who was assigned the case file.
I had the trappings of a preliminary plan in case my loving wife went off the rails. That wasn't good enough, though. There were too many variables. I had to think about living quarters, my kids, what leverage I'd have, etc. It saddened me that I was already thinking of Chris and Hallie as 'my' kids instead of ours.
My kids were old enough that they'd be moving on with their own lives soon enough, whether that meant college or something else. But for Hallie, at least, that would be four years. So, right off the bat, I knew I would do nothing to disrupt their lives, recognizing that the expected estrangement between their parents would be difficult enough. I could carry out my plan and still live in the house for a while. If my plan played out, it would be her who was begging for a divorce.
Those two-and-a-half weeks leading up to her conference were the strangest in our relationship. First, she gave off vibes as if she knew I'd found her out or at least figured some things out. That didn't stop Leah from going; on the contrary, she simply avoided any meaningful conversations with me, as had become the norm. It almost seemed like her strategy was to do her thing and then either come home and pretend nothing happened or try to make it up to me. Then, the thought occurred that I had always been the reliable one, her rock, and she knew I was blindly in love with her. Maybe she thought she would get laid and return, thinking we'd go on as if nothing happened.
In any event, she wouldn't address the elephant in the room; she would just ignore it. I let my lousy mood flow, so there weren't any unanswered questions on my side. I was short with her and spent more time with the kids, especially on the weekends.
A couple of weeks before the conference, I phoned Barbara. "Well, John, nice of you to call. What may I do for you?" with a seemingly knowing tone.
"I'm very concerned, Barbara, recalling your comments at the party. Leah told me she's going to a conference in Philadelphia next month. She's never gone to a conference before. Densmore is among her colleagues attending. Should I be concerned?"
"Hmmm...no more than I suggested at the party, John. Her role has expanded due to her excellent performance; part of that is periodic attendance at off-site conventions and meetings. Densmore always goes as the team leader as did his predecessors."
She went on to describe that while they had more daily contact, it was usually with the rest of the team working on their current projects. As senior leaders, Leah and Karen often met with Densmore on performance and priorities. Rarely, if at all, had she seen them alone.
"I don't like it and your comments keep ringing in my ears! Things have been strained now for weeks and now this. I don't like it and she refuses to discuss it."
"I would remain cautious. Perhaps there is nothing to worry about. But her refusal to engage you doesn't sound good. I wish I could help further, John, but I really don't know what else to tell you."
"Damn! Well, you've been straight with me, so thanks."
As planned, I lost my bad mood the week before her departure and became friendlier, loving, and attentive. At first, she seemed confused about the change, but when she gave into it, I figured out far too late that she'd gotten the completely wrong idea about my behavior. While I was trying to show she was at least worth fighting for, she misread it as me somehow acknowledging and accepting her time away and what she'd be doing.
The worst part was that we didn't talk about it until the day she was scheduled to leave. When I got home, her suitcase was packed and ready by the front door.
Leah came down from the bedroom dressed in business casual as if she were simply going to the office. She started telling me all the things a loving wife does to keep me organized while she was gone.
"The meatloaf is in the oven," she started, "and the timer is set. I have mashed potatoes covered on the stove and corn in the microwave. Tomorrow's pork chops are in the fridge and ready to be heated. Don't forget Hallie on Thursday, and I suppose you three are on your own that night. I also..."
In a moment of weakness, I reached for her, grabbing her shoulders and peering straight into her eyes. I say weakness because I'd already made my plan and hardened myself to it and to my soon-to-be unfaithful wife. "Look at me, Leah, look at me! Please don't go," I stated sadly. "Just make the call and tell them you can't. Your going will cross a line you cannot cross back from."
My wife's expression was unreadable, and she literally took a step or two back, just studying my face for a few moments. She looked as if she was seriously considering my plea but I was dead wrong. Unfortunately, she quickly moved back from me, undeterred. She'd already made up her mind.
Leah didn't hug me. She reached for my hands with both of hers, looking for something in my eyes she couldn't find.
"This... trip doesn't have to affect us in any way," she said with a hint of pleading in her voice. "It's just a conference."
"I think we both know better, Leah," I bitterly replied, bitter because she'd shown her true colors then. I wanted to say, 'It's a conference covering for something more sinister and destructive,' but I had no more desire to try and stop her.
"But we don't know, my love," she quickly responded. "We don't know. Neither of us, not yet. And if you happen to be right, I'd be, I don't know. I'd be compelled, maybe obligated if something like this ever happened to you - you know - in the future."
The fucking bitch was trying to negotiate a hypothetical mutual hall pass on her way out the door. I couldn't believe my ears. At that moment, I was proud of myself for planning what I had. I shook my hands free of hers.
I knew her well enough to understand what she was doing. She was trying to understate and also lessen the gravity of the situation. I decided to make my position clear, just this once. She'd never hear it again and there would be no second chances.
"Leah," I said after a deep breath. "This right here is your last chance to do the right thing, the best thing for yourself and our family. It's certainly not the time to try striking a deal. There will be no negotiating hall passes or time outs when you return. I won't tolerate what you've done; by then, it will be too late."
"Don't, Honey," she tried a sweet approach. "I have to go. It's too late to cancel now. Don't belabor, don't overthink anything while I'm gone. There are no concrete plans besides the conference. I know you love me and you want what's best for me. You know I love you; always have and always will."
There was so much wrong with her words and demeanor. She made light of our vows and told me essentially not to spend four days 'worrying' about us.
To her credit, I guess, she leaned forward, not for a real kiss but a slight one on my cheek. Pissed, I pulled back and glared at her in disgust. If there was any doubt in her mind, it should now be perfectly clear to her. She grabbed her bag and turned back towards me at the door.
"Seriously," she stated, "have a nice week with the kids, and don't dwell. Tell the kids I love them." She hesitated for just a moment, "I love you too, mister."
Then, she was gone. I slammed the door behind her, so she could not have missed it. I'm not a big drinker but I had to calm my nerves just then, so I poured a glass of whiskey and plopped down in my recliner. Nothing would ever be the same again. Fucking that prick or not would have no bearing on my plans, because in my mind, she was already cheating emotionally, and so seriously disabused my trust that there could be no redemption.
I organized my thoughts, which I did often. The worst part for me, if I had to categorize, was her lack of respect for me after all these years. She was doing something she knew I'd never approve of, with not a care, or maybe thinking she knew me well enough that she could wiggle her way out after returning.
Was she planning to cuckold me past this initial time? Had she done it with him before, already making me a cuckold? I had no idea since I clearly didn't know my wife as well as I once thought.
I'd planned for these emotions, too, but still... I had had no idea how strongly they would wash over me. Leah had decimated our family, not only me. I kept refocusing my mind on the end result. I decided I wasn't going anywhere; I wouldn't be forced out of my own house, and if things worked out, she'd eventually feel exactly what I was right then.
There was no time to wallow; I had things to do. I texted Dennis, the PI I'd hired a week earlier, and simply said, "She's on her way."
The meatloaf looked ready. I started the corn and texted Chris and Hallie to come home for dinner. That evening, I listened intently to my children as they went on about their day, their friends, and everything else important to them. I'd always considered myself a good father; however, listening to them, I realized things were happening in their lives that I had no idea about. That was going to change.
It was one of the best interactions between us in quite some time. I learned about Hallie's troubles on the cheer team with some mean girls. Chris told me he wanted to attend Northwestern because two of his best friends had applied there.
After cleaning up, I set up everything for the next day. What a day it would be and that was why I'd called off work for the next three.
In the morning, I had breakfast ready for the kids. I didn't want to add to their troubles or dump anything on them right before school. They'd be a bit shocked when they came home, but I was already prepared to order a few pizzas and break it down for them.
Ten minutes after they left, two trucks pulled up, the first hauling a front loader and the other the building supplies I had ordered.
Our house was in a nice neighborhood. We were on the side of the street where the town's river ran behind our home. Others on that side had the same 250 feet of backyard, sloping down toward the gentle river. Some had extravagant decks seemingly floating off the upper floor of their homes, which from the street was the main floor. Others had the lower floor or basement dug out to rent out the lower floor and make some extra income. That was my plan, but not to make extra cash.
The front loader made easy work of digging out a section of dirt about five feet wide where I'd put the new door and grading the slope from the front to the back. I piled the spoils right next to an area where I would build a raised bed garden.
After a break, at about 10:00 a.m., I got to work on demoing the doorway and started to build a frame.
Leah never went into our basement, which, when I was finished, wouldn't be considered a basement anymore. The first year we were there, she made me buy the double-stack washer/dryer and put it in a hallway closet upstairs. The kids never went down there either, calling it a 'creepy' place. It was going to be my new apartment.
After lunch, I called my attorney, Pete Bronson. We were college roommates and were thick as thieves for years afterward. When I'd first called, he was shocked to hear what had gotten into Leah. He actually asked me if I'd been dipping in the well.
I asked him if he had everything ready to go, which he did. When I asked about our backup plan, the dissolution of marriage papers, he asked me if I really wanted to go this route. I assured him that I'd put plenty of thought into what I was doing and conceded there was always a chance it might go south. That was why we had contingencies.
As soon as I hung up, my phone pinged and, by habit, I answered.
"Hello, John," a very quiet and guarded female voice replied. It's Lorna. Remember me?"
"Very funny," I almost growled. "What's on your mind?"
"John!" she squeaked. "What bit you in the ass? You must be having a bad day."
"Your sister just destroyed our marriage." I'd said it. That was not part of my plan. I backpedaled a bit. "Or maybe not. We'll have to wait and see."
Lorna knew me too well. "But she went to a conference..." She seemed to stop herself while running through the different implications in her head.
"John," she said slowly, "is something going on... at the conference?"
"Lorna," I tried to regain control of the conversation. "Please, don't ask me anything more. I shouldn't have said anything. If I'm wrong, I don't want your parents to find out."
"You can't leave it hanging there, John," the concern in her voice was apparent.
"There's a man," I almost choked up. "I met him at her holiday party. She's... taken with him. She all but told me she might be with him, in the Biblical sense."
"She told you?" Lorna asked incredulously. "Told you what, exactly?"
"I don't want to get any further into it," I told her with finality. "I'll just wait until she comes back home."
Lorna kept trying to grill me for another two or three minutes, but I held my ground, promising we'd talk about it next week if my suspicions bore true.
"John, please listen to me. If you're telling me what I suspect is true, and there is no reason for me not to believe you, you need to let it out. Meet me for coffee tomorrow night."
"Bu..."
"No buts, damn it! Just be there!" Where was that awkward, skinny pre-teen that I had sought out so long ago? Christ, she was beginning to sound like her sister!
Chris arrived home first because Hallie was at cheer practice. I heard him slowly walking around the side of the house towards the backyard.
"Dad!" he exclaimed, "what the hell... um, heck, is going on?"
"Hey, son," I greeted him, all smiles. "Doing a little renovating. What do you think?"
Chris stood there, stunned. "Are we taking on a renter?" he wondered.
"Not exactly, Chris," I told him somberly. "I'll explain tonight over dinner when your sister gets home."
The pork chops were good. Leah had called during the meal preparation to see how we were getting by without her. Checking up was more like it if I knew her at all, which was seriously up for consideration at that moment. After talking to our son, I told Hallie to say hello and that I was too busy at the stove to speak to her.
"Kids," I started after dishing up the apple pie and ice cream, "we need to talk about a few things." They both gave me the 'Ya think' look.
"Your mother and I are having a very rough patch in our relationship right now," I said honestly. "I think the best move is to stay here but to change the living arrangements a little."
"A little, Dad?" Hallie asked sarcastically. "What did you do?"
When Chris saw my facial expression change, he said, "Holy shit! Okay, what did Mom do?"
"Kids," I ignored the questions. "I'm not getting into our marital troubles with you. If you really need to know, I'll speak to your mother when she gets home, and we can have a family meeting."
We talked some more, and I answered their questions the best I could without giving them the gory details. They wanted to know if we were going to divorce, of course, and I left it open. I answered their concerns honestly but chose my words carefully.
Afterward, we hugged it out. The next day, I focused on reframing the space and dividing the new rooms. My engineering degree came in handy. By the time Chris came home, I was altering the old ductwork. He helped me for a bit, holding the metal tubes over his head as I quickly attached them.
At 5:00, I ordered pizza for the kids and went to get cleaned up for my quasi-date. Hallie saw how I was dressed and came up to me, sniffing.
"No aftershave," I said clumsily. "Just having coffee with a friend."
Lorna was there waiting for me, dressed casually, looking as good as I'd ever seen her, yet looking sternly right into my soul. She stood up and we awkwardly struggled through a friendly hug. We were usually more comfortable.
"Thank you for meeting me, John," she got right to it. "I know my asking was a bit strained. Please know that I am concerned for you and the kids."
"Not a problem, Lorna," I replied. "Afterward, I realized I needed someone to talk to, and you probably fit the bill as her sister."
"Well," she said thoughtfully. "Our relationship, hers and mine, has always been tense. I may not be the most logical choice."
Lorna and I talked for nearly an hour. I explained how everything went down, and she took it all in, listening carefully and even grabbing my hands into hers as the conversation grew in detail and emotion. Then, she asked me what I wanted to do.
"I already know what I'm going to do," I told her truthfully. "My family is my main focus and I need you to promise to keep quiet about everything I've told you."
"I will," she affirmed. "But you need to promise to keep me in the loop. If you end up being right, you can't go through this alone, John. Think of the kids."
"Trust me, they are the only priority now."
On Friday morning my new bed arrived. I hadn't split our money yet, and that was on purpose. I kept meticulous receipts for everything I'd purchased that week. The big king-sized mattress and box spring barely fit through the new doorway.
Just after noon, I received a text from my private investigator. "Have everything you'll need. Forwarded to your attorney," was all it said. Seconds later, I received two files. The first was a short video, which looked to be taken by the hotel security camera at the end of a hallway. It showed Leah and scumbag entering a room, his arm around her waist, guiding her in. He stopped for a moment, looking both ways up and down the hallway, and then went inside.
The second showed Leah leaving the room of the man I came to call "Densless," in a simple hotel robe, carrying her shoes and dress. The time stamp showed five in the morning. I had to sit down a moment.
She'd done it; my wife had done the unthinkable. I'd promised myself I wouldn't get emotional. That was a promise I was unable to keep as I cried for ten minutes over the loss of something I considered sacred.
The kids and I ate the last prepared meal from the fridge that night and then I hung a bedroom door. They helped clean up the furniture down there. I think Hallie could read my emotions that night as she gave me a few random hugs, telling me she loved me.
I told the kids to head upstairs as Leah would be home any minute. I heard her enter the front door, all animated and excited to see the kids. She must have wondered where I was, but I didn't hear the door to the stairway open for almost ten minutes.
She came down, her mouth hanging open as she looked around. Finally, her eyes met mine.
"What's... what is all this?" she hesitantly asked.
"My new apartment," I said proudly. "Would you like a tour?"
Her face got red, and her eyes became slits. "That's not funny, mister," she tried to sound angry through the anxiety.
"I agree," I shrugged. "Still, that's what it is."
She looked away. "Why?" her question barely a whisper.
"You know why," I stated. There was so much I wanted to say right then, to start the confrontation, but I didn't. I had a plan and also a broken heart to go along with it. "There will be plenty of other changes around here as well, but we'll discuss them tomorrow after we've both had a good night's sleep. Now, if you don't mind, I need to do a few other things before I turn in for the night."
She stood there, staring at me with uncertainty. "What?" she asked incredulously. "No hello, no kiss or hug? What the hell is going on with you, John?"
My mind almost exploded! I wanted to scream, "What the hell has been going on with you?" All those times I tried to get her to open up, but I decided to stay with the plan.
"I said not tonight, Leah! Besides, why should I greet you any differently than how you left us?" I raised my voice and gritted my teeth. "Go upstairs and spend some time with our children."
Leah didn't want to go. She stood there staring at me. After all these years, had she not known, her hands would have been on her hips, with an 'oh, no you don't' look on her face. Instead, I saw fear there. I guess I knew her better than I thought.
The kids couldn't leave the house fast enough on Saturday morning. They were smart enough to know we needed some space. Leah clearly didn't get a good night's sleep either. She came down the stairs at about 8:00. I had breakfast ready and poured her a cup of coffee.
"Thanks," she said, still a little shell-shocked, as I placed her coffee in front of her.
"French toast?" I asked nonchalantly. She sighed and nodded.
"John, I..." I cut her off.
"Not just now," I sternly said. "I want to enjoy my breakfast, then we'll talk."
We ate in silence. I deliberately bored into her with glares, not taking my eyes off her, if for nothing more than to increase her discomfort, if there was any. She looked away more often than at me.
I cleared the plates and poured more coffee for both of us. I never imagined I'd have to pull a sales pitch on my own wife about our shaky future together.
"Okay, this is the part where I talk, and you listen," I ordered. "If you have questions, save them for the end, understand?"
"John, I don't like your tone," she began, thinking she could lord over me and ignore what I'd told her. Apparently, she had completely forgotten or disregarded my last words when she left. "Whatever is going on, we need to work through it. I know you're upset, but we can work things out. Nothing's changed."
"Leah!" I slammed my hand on the table, hard. "Shut the fuck up and listen. I don't care what you like or don't. And my tone is the least of your concerns. NOW you want to work things out after all those times you stiff-armed me when I asked to do the same before you betrayed us. Everything's changed because you went to Philly. I'm about to lay it out for you. First things first, did you do it?"
Her mouth was open again, like the previous night, and her rapid eye movement betrayed her. She was trying to decide whether to lie or not.
"Yes," she finally said, looking away.
"How many times?" I quickly came back with.
"What?"
"How many nights, how many times?" I interrogated.
"Two nights, three times," she replied. She was starting to gain some of her muster, preparing for an argument.
"Damn it!" I corrected. "I know all about your conference and what you did after hours. My question was how many men and how many times during our marriage."
"None." She said it as if it were gospel, like it should go without saying.
"There's the trouble." I gave her a look of pity. "I don't believe you."
She just sat there, speechless.
"And I suppose he fucked your friend, the other two nights," there was no question mark in that statement. She seemed bewildered but bent on regaining control.
"I told you about it," she injected. "I know you figured it out at the Christmas party. I explained it might happen and even gave you permission for the future when it happens to you."
I'd had four days and plenty before that to shoot down all her weak justifications. "Just so we are clear, I require no permission from you to do anything - none whatsoever. Just as I was clear, I cannot and will not control what you do or don't. That's just a bullshit justification, Leah, because when you told me, told not asked, I made it clear that was against it."
"No, it isn't. I've been in a funk for a while now. He was nice, I was attracted to him, a mutual attraction I suppose..."
"Yeah, sure," I interjected. "Now you want to open up about what's been going on. Of course, he's attracted to you. He's been married twice before and has kids. Probably a few he doesn't even know about. To him, you're just another hole to fill, nothing more. If you think you two have a future, think again because you and I don't."
"I know about his marriage and family." She waved dismissively. "He didn't try to hide it when I asked, and I told you he was leaving for the west Coast office soon, so it doesn't matter how he or I feel about each other. Look, John, I needed this. I'm sorry it hurt you. I truly am, but it doesn't have to be like this. Please don't dismiss our future over a small weekend. Living down there doesn't help you or me or the kids."
"That's your opinion," I corrected her. "I've already decided. You made your plans, Lee, that didn't include me or the kids, plans that broke apart all that I considered sacred. But I'm a planner, too. I've been planning since the party. You have no idea."
"I suppose I don't," she admitted after a long pause. "Not really. I expected you to be furious, hurt, but you are too calm and resolute now. I expected I'd have plenty to make up for, to prove my love for you, but I don't see any of the love in your eyes that used to be there. I haven't lied, so I wasn't concerned about trust. I knew you would feel disrespected, but I also thought I knew that you loved me, and I was depending on that to get us through. I knew I'd have to show you I hadn't lost..."
"Just stop, Leah," I berated. "I'm way past that. You handled every single part of this poorly. What you are trying to do now is what you should have done when I was trying to talk about things earlier. You've forced me to take control of the family and remold it in a way that works best for the kids and me, considering that we are not among your priorities."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Finally, you're ready to listen," I sighed. "You've been recognized as a problem-solver, so I suggest you spend some of that intellect figuring it out. If you don't know by now, you're either not as bright as I always thought or you plan to continue with him, perhaps others, and sweep it under the rug. Look around because this is how things will be until I decide differently.
"I've got things to do," I announced, "so pay attention! I'm not leaving; I'm staying. I'm not letting your selfishness disrupt my or the kids' lives. Some documentation will be delivered here this afternoon. Look through them, ask me questions, get an attorney to advise you--I don't care. I expect you to sign them before the sun sets on Tuesday. That's more than enough time."
"You just said you're staying," she looked confused. "You want a divorce but you're staying in the same home?"
"I said keep up," my eyes focused on hers. "Those docs have nothing to do with a divorce. That's for later if you try to fuck me over. No, I don't trust you. Yes, I've lost respect for you as you have for me. If you try something or simply don't sign the paperwork, then your entire weeklong fuckfest will be delivered to everyone you know: our families, people at your workplace, everyone in your contacts list. I haven't seen the pictures, and I don't want to, but my understanding from the investigator I hired is that there are plenty. In short, I will destroy you, just like you destroyed me."
"Jesus, you're a bastard!" she spat, coming to full realization. "Who even are you? I thought I knew what to expect when I got back. Not this, never this. Are you just trying to punish me? Or are you trying to make me so mad that I file on you because that isn't going to work, Mr. Planner? Don't go thinking you have the upper hand here. If you're unwilling to talk things through and try for us to come out even better on the other side, I'll make your life miserable. You try to send people videos of me in a private hotel, and I'll have you in prison. Remember what I said." She'd paused momentarily to gauge my reaction to her onslaught. "We had previous problems in our relationship that led to this in the first place. We need to work together to fix and enhance our marriage."
My evil smile unsettled her even more. At that point, less was more. I wasn't about to rehash how she could've solved all those earlier problems by talking to her husband instead of going on her weekend.
"You seem to think you're in a position to threaten." I leaned in close to her. "You aren't even in a position to beg. Those pictures are four aces. Get on board, and fast, Leah. Sign the papers for the sake of our kids and your reputation. Don't, and I'll bury you. Deeply and truly bury your cheatin' ass because I'm really in the mood to do that right now. You'll be so fucked you'll be begging your boyfriend or whomever else you've been with to move both of your asses to some other state to start over. Now, fuck off."
I walked away from her without hesitation and headed downstairs to my new home. After a quick shower, I dressed in sweats to hit the gym. I needed to lose some weight to fit my new lifestyle.
If there was ever going to be a day that I'd run off and hide, that day would be the only one. I knew Leah after all these years. She was used to getting her way, where I was concerned. I could even remember a time when she appreciated it. Like with most habits, though, she took things for granted and never stopped to consider the aftermath. Based on her comments, she really thought that my love for her was so deep, so blind, so unconditional that she'd be able to finesse me with apologies, cajoling, and sex as if it were simply another day in the life. I knew the talk of prison was just her trying to flex her muscles. We had plenty of time to talk later after she understood the gravity of her situation.
I had four drinks at the local watering hole, a bar I rarely frequented as a married man and father. Wendy, a redheaded firecracker, spent some extra time with me, cracking jokes and harmlessly flirting. I finally went home around eleven and fell straight into bed.
The next day, I was upstairs waking Hallie for cheer. There was a varsity game at noon. I knew that because I'd made her give me a schedule, something I hadn't ever done before.
"Okay, Dad," she started as soon as we put the car in reverse, "what's the verdict? Did you and Mom patch things up or what?" Kids. The innocence accompanying the teen years made me smile while I tried to formulate an acceptable answer.
"'Fraid not, Hales," I tried to keep the emotion out for her sake. "We'll have to see how it goes."
"Did she cheat on you?" So much for innocence.
"Hallie," I started. "I'm not going to talk about any of the specifics. You can ask your mother if you want, and she can surely answer. But you need to remember through all of this that you and your brother had no role in this thing between Mom and me. That doesn't mean that I want to keep things from you. She loves you, and I love you. Our family is going to stay intact regardless of what happens." I could tell my daughter didn't like that answer, but she let it go.
I ate dinner with the family. I did everything like I always had, except that when it was bedtime, I headed downstairs. I knew that as time went on, I'd spend more family time with my children and less with Leah. That would mean I'd also spend more time doing hobbies, working, and living in my own apartment. Monday night, Leah came banging on the door. I had it locked because I expected the showdown.
I finally let her in. "What the fuck is all this about?" she hollered. "Canceling the insurance, splitting up our retirement? Where the fuck is all our money? You better not say you spent it on all this!" She waved her arm frantically around, highlighting the work that I'd done.
"Calm yourself," I demanded. I had to remind myself as well. Leah may have said she wanted to 'talk' and 'work things out,' but when she was like that, nothing could be further from her mind. I wasn't going to let her bait me. I had plenty to say, but the best strategy then was to keep my mouth shut as far as my plans were concerned.
"I'm staying here to save us money in the long run," I said with a heavy, deliberate breath. "Believe me, I did the math. All I did was use the money and a bit extra that we'd saved for our Disney World trip this spring. The kids already know we aren't going."
"What do you mean?" her voice grew hoarse. "The kids are looking forward to that trip."
"I already explained to them we weren't going," I answered calmly. "Being in the same general confines with you for that period of time would not be good for any of us. I spoke to them while you were on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, or was it a 'Small World?'" I couldn't help myself. Where's the fun in being ten moves ahead if you can't inflict a little verbal pain?
"Then I'll take them by myself," she replied, definitively.
"No," I said. "They know we can't afford it now. Unless you want to take your boyfriend and have him pay. Just know, I haven't ratted you out to them yet, so think about that first."
She grunted and rolled her eyes. I swore I saw steam coming out her ears! I was amazed that with her confession, all that had happened since she returned, all that mattered to her was how things affected her.
"I could have taken all of it," I continued, "and made you fight to get it back. I could cook the books on my business, so you'd have to pay me alimony. A dozen other things that Pete talked me out of, including some very illegal and painful ones. Take what you have to a lawyer tomorrow, Leah. You'll see how serious I am and what kind of trouble you're in. Like I said, you have until sunset on Tuesday. Oh, and check your attitude. Talking to me like that will only get you to a place where all communication goes through the lawyers. If you can't be civil, don't bother because the doormat you thought I was died when you walked out."
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