i hadn't heard that word in a kong time, and my friend's use of it triggered a memory, the memory of perhaps my very first sexual fantasy.
i'm just going to give you guys the outline... if i go into detail i will have to masturbate, and i am trying not to masturbate right now, because i have masturbated to orgasm already once today, and without permission. i will be punished for that, but i am concerned that if i masturbate to orgasm twice in one day my Master will really be mad. it won't just be a matter of accepting my punishment, i think he will personally feel disappointed in me. i am a terrible sub and i never follow the rules, but this is different. this rule is important to him: he imposed it partly so that i'm not always spent when he wants to use me.
the word turd is very gross... adults in my corner of the globe swear all the time, but adults don't generally use the word turd. there's something particularly revolting about that word, but also it's juvenile, it's probably the most disgusting way a person can refer to excrement. but kids use it.
my youngest older brother got obsessed with that word when he was about 12, and used to call me "Little Miss Turd-Face," sometimes right in front of his friends. and just so you know, my youngest brother is the one who always loved me and treats me kindly even to this day... but at the time he was a typical 12-year-old, and he just thought it was too funny to resist.
but this might have been my first taste of being insulted to my face, in front of people. it was right before i hit puberty, and it turns out that being called "Little Miss Turd-Face" in front of people became the subject of my very first sexual fantasy! this morning was the first time i've thought about this in years, but i am remembering it very specifically, now.
Jesus help me i've been a freak since i was 12!
i would imagine we were at school...
it was after school and we were in the auditorium, where we sometimes went after school to hang out, basically unsupervised. we were playing a game of strip poker, and my brother and a bunch of his friends were cheating, and i knew it but didn't say anything. nobody else had to take off any clothes, and they were keeping each article of my clothing as i took them off...
and i wasn't going to get them back. when i lost an article of clothing, it would be permanent.
and at the same time, my brother and all his friends kept calling me "Little Miss Turd-Face,"
and it seemed that since they were all saying that, and i was not objecting, it was going to become my new nickname. "Little Miss Turd-Face."
at that age, i couldn't think of a more humiliating nickname. it made me blush and shiver, just thinking of how humiliating that would be, and how low i would sink, and how often i would be teased, if everyone at school started calling me such a vile nickname.
but in the fantasy, i did not object to it.
and somehow my lack of objection signified to these older boys that i liked the nickname.
"do you like being called "Little Miss Turd-face?"
"come on, tell us the truth!"
i was almost naked by now, and somehow that meant i was sort of deserving of poor treatment. i was the lowest person on the totem pole, or i was their scapegoat, or anyway in my fantasy it was all very natural to be less than equal to the boys, especially these older boys who i didn't really know.
it's not terribly clear to me how it all happened, but somehow they got me out of my bra and panties, and when i handed my panties over to them, they passed them around and each one of them sniffed them, and commented on how much my vagina smelled.
at that point i was totally naked, in school. and the boys said that the only way i could get any of my clothes back was to was to go poop in front of them.
so i did it. they walked me, naked, to the corner of the auditorium, and made me squat down and "lay a turd" right in front of them.
then they made me smear the turd all over my face. all the while they were chanting, "Little Miss Turd-Face, Little Miss Turd-Face" again and again.
nobody touched anyone's genitals, they just stripped me and humiliated me...
i didn't know at the time that this was a sexual fantasy, and i hadn't been told about masturbation yet, or i suppose i had but i didn't quite realize that girls could do it. i thought of masturbation as something only boys could do.
i just rubbed my "funny spot" and my little nipples, and thought about having no clothes on and having to smear a turd on my face at school!
heaven help me, i have always been a freak!
