For a long time in my life it was difficult for me to reconcile my darker desires with my progressive political ideology. Part of me really wants to own another human being and treat them like disposable subhuman property, to beat them, castrate/infibulate them, feed them a diet of my waste, or even snuff them out when they're no longer useful enough to me; which is pretty well at odds with the whole equality, love, peace, and tollerance thing.

I mean hell, I love dolcett's work but became a vegan in real life because of how cruel our industrialized animal agriculture system is.

After many years of musing about it though, as well as some therapy to deal with the childhood trauma of being raised by a passive agressive narcissist, some real life experience, and a couple of doses of shrooms, I've reconciled these two parts of me. Honestly, non-consent never really did anything for me anyway, so it wasn't ultimately that hard to see that what really appealed about my sadism was the willingness of the bottom(s) to go along with it. 

It's just so damned *intimate*, isn't it? To have someone give themselves over to your machinations, knowing (wanting even) that your intent is cruelty and the infliction of suffering? It's the exchange, the communication, of vulnerabilities: I'll show you my darkness if you show me yours. Let me satisfy that need of yours to feel inferior and less than human while you satisfy mine to feel... great and powerful I guess.

I don't think I could ever be one of those doms who shows no affection, caring, or tenderness for his subs. In a way, it's a shame because many of them seem to want that. I think a previous partner even secretly hated that after I'd beaten her, spit on her, used her as a toilet, and fucked her ass raw that I wanted to cuddle and talk. That's the best part to me, really, the openness and honesty enabled by the afterglow.