WHEN HE DISCLOSES

The disclosure

If your husband discloses a wish to be spanked to you, it is not a spur of the moment decision. The greater likelihood is that he a many years long interest in spanking. He has probably spent years looking at spanking pictures and he probably has an erotic attraction to it. Some men have such fantasies and never tell their wives for fear of her reaction. Studies show however that over 80% of men fantasize about being spanked. If you think you are aolne and married to a freak you are not. This is a perfectly normal thing. Just google "women spanking men" and you will see.

For most men spanking starts off as an erotic interest. On the website Aunt Kay's Disciplinary Wives Club is a story called Even More. It depicts a scenario where a man discovers the Disciplinary Wives Club website and, after discussion with his wife, an originally erotic spanking interest morphs into a full blown desire for imposed discipline. This disciplinary aspect is something totally different. Darker. Deeper. One of the quotes from the story is:

"The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it."

That final remark haunts men, touched something deep and dark far down in their souls. That description makes him become obsessed. He feels compelled to bring it to his wife's attention - and is embarrassed to his core the whole time. He presents a light-hearted front, but inside he's a bundle of embarrassed nerves. There is something very different, something much more ego-threatening, about asking for real disciplinary spankings. It's not the difference in severity. It's the difference in the very foundation of the relationship and the power structure within it. He's suggesting something that, if made real, will be relationship-transforming. The embarrassment, and vulnerability, are palpable. The prospect of tears and a blistered bottom truly does scare the hell out of him. He couldn't imagine experiencing such a thing, yet he can't stop imagining just such a thing.

How to respond

The first thing is do not outright reject what he is asking for. It took him immense courage to approach you. You can easily scare him off. If it freaks you out right off the bat take time. Rather wait, read up a bit, then make an appointment to discuss it with him and find out what he expects. Remember he's been through this for years and he probably has a myriad of expectations, scenarios and fantasies. By the time he gets to asking you to spank him it's no idle experimentation. He has been thinking about this for years sometimes. In this he may have lacked the courage to approach you for years and years out of shame and fear of your reaction and what you would think of him.

First off, don't even try to understand why he wants or needs this, because if he doesn't understand (and he probably doesn't), then there is no chance of you understanding! But even if you cannot understand why he needs this, talk with him to try to understand just exactly what it is that he is wanting.

Your husband asked you to take charge and punish him if needed. His request was most likely filled with various ways you would punish him and what he wants you to make him do. He is playing back his sexual fantasies. What he wants and needs is very simple:

You are in charge and will punish him when he needs it.

That's it. The most widely accepted punishment is spanking. He has asked you to take him in hand. This is the commonly used phrase for someone receiving domestic discipline.

Most men who ask are turned on when they think about being spanked. Some will search out spanking porn and masturbate while they watch it. The vast majority of men fantasize about being spanked. This doesn't mean that they are submissive or feminine. It's just sexually arousing to them. It also doesn't mean he wants you to treat him as a child. He wants you to paddle his bare bottom.

He's come to you, his wife and asked you to spank him when he upsets you, breaks a rule or misses a goal. There is something buried deep inside of him that he does not fully understand that makes him need to be dealt with by being scolded and spanked. Whatever that thing is, makes spankings appeal to him. It's not as crazy an idea as you might imagine. Spanking a grown man is a completely different matter from spanking a child.

A good idea is to have sit-down chat with him and ask him about what he wants and what his expectations are. This should get a dialogue going. Here are some questions you could ask:

• When you think of me spanking you, what do you imagine happening? If he starts outlining a fantasy plot, gently cut him off and ask him to tell you what he expects you to do. Does he want to be naked? What does he want you to use to spank him? (Bear in mind that your hand isn't a good choice. It will hurt long before his bottom does)

• Do you expect sex to be part of your spanking session? Spanking can be excellent foreplay for both partners, but not when its for discipline. Don't give your thoughts at this point.

• Have you ever been spanked before?  If you were spanked as an adult, explain the situation.

• Do you expect me to decide how much to spank you? This can give you an idea of how he imagines it.

This short interview should give you an idea of what he has in mind. Even if you are turned off by what he wants, don't say no at this point. You won't be alone if you find it hard to see yourself spanking him.

his needs are very real, very important to him and will not go away. He may suppress them but eventually it will make him miserable. In her book "Sex, Fetish and Him", Jackie Castro, a renowned author, researcher and clinical psychologist, writes:

In most cases men are the ones who develop these desires. If you choose to take on this new disciplinarian role, you will have inhibitions about having power over another person. If you can get past these inhibitions, you will this surprisingly easy. It can work. The best and only way to make it work is through communication and understanding to allow him open up and be vulnerable with you. This should allow you to slowly embrace the idea of exercising authority over him. If you give him what he wants it will be great for your marriage. It will not be great for his bottom. If you spank him the way he wants, it will hurt. But, no matter how much it hurts, he will not want to give it up. He does not like when it is happening, but something in him wants and needs them. It's a practical and emotional need. Something in him wants to go to that scary aspect of really being under his wife's authority. He hates being spanked, but aterwards he loves her more.

He has given spanking a lot of thought, probably years. He obsesses over it. When you, his wife gets upset with him, it's obvious. He can tell by your reactions. When you shout sometimes, when you give him the cold shoulder for as while, when you withhold sex, quiet treatment for a day or two. But he wants more. He wants you to show him how upset you are by giving him a severe spanking. He wants his wife to make him feel the hurt, pain and disappointment he has caused her. He wants you to spank your frustration out on his bare bottom. To clear the air, wipe the slate clean and let it all out.

Giving up that control gets him. It's terrifying and magnificently attractive. The men who are wired like this find a woman's confidence sexy as all hell In a recent poll it asked men why they were into domestic discipline and the two top answers were:

• "Giving up control"; and

• "My wife being in charge is attractive"

The idea is that the disciplinary wife uses her ability to painfully correct her husband as a way of improving his behavior. The reason the focus is more on the punishment, rather than identifying the crimes, is because disciplinary wives aren't natural disciplinarians. There is a need for very painful, memorable punishments. This focus is borne out by what he needs. He wants your authority to be real and he wants to be punished in a way that would genuinely influence future behavior.

Why would a man want to be spanked and held accountable? Here are four possible reasons.

• an interest in spanking, often from an early age, but not a true spanking fetish

  A strong pre-existing interest in spanking does seem to exist for most men who initiate these relationships. They do have a strong erotic attraction to spanking scenarios, even if they truly hate being spanked at the moment it is happening. Many were aroused by spankings they witnessed or overheard at home or in spanking stories or porn. For most of the men in these relationships, there is an erotic energy or attraction associated with spanking. The spanking itself is a means as opposed to an end. It's only one part of a more complex drive. They don't get off on being spanked. They get off at the prospect of their wife using spanking to enforce their authority or hold them as the husband accountable.

• a strong need for imposed boundaries and accountability

  Some disciplined husband seem to have very out-sized needs for accountability. They hold ourselves to very high standards and, when they fail to meet them, they actually want there to be consequences. Men in these relationships feel there is a certain nobility in holding oneself to high standards and craving accountability, particularly in a society that seems to have come to worship victimhood and evading responsibility for personal behavior. Closely related to accountability is the craving for boundaries and rules. At some point in their life they came to crave enforced boundaries. Without boundaries, you are 100% responsible for keeping yourself on the straight and narrow, and that can be really burdensome. Many men and women who want to experience adult spanking as discipline often grew up in chaotic environments where the parents exercised little control. Unlike the men who are motivated primarily by the erotic overtones, these men's real drivers are accountability and boundaries. The stories of wives holding their husbands strictly accountable for bad behavior grab them because they had been held to account so seldom growing up. It is also a weird attraction to surrendering to another's authority and being taken far out of one's comfort zone, as exemplified by stories in which the husband is left sobbing by a hard disciplinary spanking.

• the relief of handing over control to someone else
  While there are men in these lifestyles who self-identify as "submissives" both in their sexual relationships and in their everyday life, they are not a majority. On the contrary, many are strong, driven, high achievers who are leaders in most other aspects of their lives. So, why do they feel such a compulsion to do something so humbling as baring their butts for a hard, disciplinary spanking? For many, it comes down to feeling worn down by being in control all the time. They spend their day-to-day lives giving orders, setting the direction and tone in their workplace, taking responsibility for delivering results, making decisions that affect other people's lives, etc. It gets overwhelming. Sometimes, it is a relief to set all that aside, if only in their own home. In fact, a stable home with a strong and strict wife may become their "port in the storm." While this probably can be understood only by those who have experienced it, there is a certain paradoxical liberation in having your choices limited or taken away. Freedom in having limits placed on your choices. Even, and perhaps especially, in getting spanked even when you REALLY don't want to be.

• an attraction to strong women
  Men in these relationships often have a strong attraction to female authority figures, going back to adolescence or earlier. Tough teachers, authoritative aunts. Fore many their attraction to the idea of imposed discipline began with an authoritative female. In fact, In many cases, men begin with a strong interest about spanking and discipline, but over time they realize the core of the kink is more about female authority. Ironically, there is often a very big gap between how men see powerful women and how such women think men see them. Women allude to worrying that the more they try to lead and take charge at work or in their profession, the more they worry they will be perceived as, in a word, "bitchy." They worry that if they stand up and take control they will be seen as, in a word, "bitchy. Yet, that's the exact opposite of what disciplined husbands want. When asked what satisfied them about being on the receiving end of a spanking, the most popular response will be "I like to be under the spanker's power". And, the more forceful and strict she is, the more he loves her and lusts after her.

He can't explain the emotions to you. When he read the Disciplinary Wives website like he had discovered treasure, on the one hand there was something very sexual about it, even if the spankings depicted were not. The erection he had while reading the website and every time he thought of one of the stories or a quote from the website advice showed that he found something very erotic.

But along with that sexual turn-on mingled a very real and distinct sense of fear. It was not just the hard spankings depicted. He knows those would never be pleasant but rather the utter loss of control. The stories depicted men spanked hard until they dropped their defences and just bawled in pain. He cannot describe how threatening and yet sexy and addictively attractive he finds that prospect.

The good news is, confidence is an almost inevitable byproduct of taking charge. So, even if a wife isn't brimming over with confidence when the disciplinary experiment starts, that's unlikely to be where she ends up after embarking on the journey. A few years ago a husband asked his wife whether she enjoyed the act of imposing physical discipline, i.e. spanking. She paused thoughtfully, then said something like this:

"I don't not enjoy giving the spanking. But, what I really like is the confidence I feel when he's waiting in front of me, bare bottomed and fearful. I tell him get into position for the spanking. And, I watch him comply. Watch him obediently do what I tell him, when I know he doesn't want to, when he knows I'm about to spank him hard.... that is empowering."

THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT TRYING IT OUT

You will have preconceptions. But try put them aside. Your biggest impediment is lack of information and lack of confidence. But recall that he asked for this and he wants it. He wants to tell you. Even if you're not comfortable try it. He wants this. You're being given a "magic wand" to get a happier husband. That should be reason enough to put some honest, genuine effort into helping him fulfil his needs. So first off, focus on effective punishment, not correcting problems. This allows him to voluntarily submit to your authority.

So three things:

* Domestic discipline is not about sex: You are in charge. He must obey rules and behave well at all times. If you decide he needs it, he must submit to punishment immediately with no argument.

* Life goes on as usual: This is not a change in daily life. You remain loving partners. You will not micromanage him or make all the household decisions. You do have the final say over some things, but you aren't expected to take over his life. If you make a rule, he must obey it or be punished. Otherwise, nothing changes. You aren't agreeing to be his "mistress" or "owner". You are his loving wife who has been asked to take your husband in hand.

* You alone decide when he gets punished: He may want a way to "participate" in your disciplinary relationship. You can allow him to suggest rules. However, only you actually make them.

That's all you need to start. Before you begin, you must both commit to each other to successfully complete the reality test period and try to make it work. It is vital to remember this is new to both of you. You must make allowances for yourselves. You can't expect to do everything correct the from the word go. It will take a bit of practice for you both to "get into it". So accept it will start off

tentatively and maybe with some mistakes and misguided expectations.

One of the conditions you should insist upon is that you would be a healthy normal couple. He

takes his responsibilities as a mature husband and man seriously, including on the sexual end when

that is what you want from him, and never "misbehave" deliberately to earn a spanking. You did
not marry a child, or a sissy, or a wimp. You married a mature man and that is what you should insist on getting

It may take a long time for you to feel okay about causing him a lot of pain. This is what he is agreeing to. It's not about getting him off. It's about punishment for misbehavior. You both will need to practice developing your disciplinary relationship so start with some rules that he is almost certain to frequently break. The idea is to start with rules that are easy to understand and will be broken regularly in the beginning. bearing in mind that both of you need to be trained in new disciplinary habits. Punishment is essentially binary. That is, if a rule is broken, the punishment is just as severe for a minor offense as a more serious one. Any rule that is broken is disobedience. This is not tolerated in a domestic discipline relationship.

Remind yourself:

* This is not about sex
* You are in charge, so don't let him try define your disciplinary wife role.
* Be consistent in rule enforcement and punishment. Observe for rule breaking and punish each one.

If you think punishment has not ever been part of your marriage think again. Couples susually punish each other by witholding attention, affection, sex and communication. It's a passive form of punishment and can actually damage your marriage. This indirect expression of anger of this type is very difficult for men to handle and often results in feelings of inadequacy and failure.Deep down men don't want arguments, conflict and anger to work this way. He actually wants direct communication and quick resolution. Spanking is s very direct, quick and clear form of communication. It is a unique "conversation" that decisively and effectively communicates your feelings.

After a spanking, your man feels he has been punished, the slate is clear and he is forgiven. He has paid the price. There are no angry stares and long silences. His level of affection for you will grow. He sees the hard work you put into punishing him to help him do better. To him, your spanking him is a service you do for him. He will do better to show his appreciation.He wants you to give him boundaries. Payback with a sound spanking helps you too. With a spanking you get the chance to show him how much he hurt you. You get to do this by taking your anger and frustration out on his bare bottom to share the emotional pain he has caused you. You're both better off mentally and emotionally afterwards. No resentment or endless tension. You see him willing to submit for a well earned spanking shows you he knows he was out of line and being spanked by his wife is better than emotional punishment. It will act as a kind of pressure release for both.

The second thing you will need to develop is confidence in your role. Gaining confidence is a process. Most disciplinary wives don't enjoy punishing their husbands. In fact, when they first start out, many feel terrible for hurting someone they love. Most of wives never considered punishing their partners as part of their normal relationship. You probably won't like doing it at all. You love him. Disciplinary spanking isn't easy to do. Hurting someone you love feels horrible. Doing it over his objections can feel even worse. Domestic discipline is probably the most difficult part of this. Everything about it is counter intuitive.  Your role as spanker puts you in the position of feeling like a horrible person for hurting your partner. Maybe the first disciplinary spanking was at his request. If you do it properly, he will want to avoid any repeats. Yet, you will have to repeat spankings many times. Each time he will want to avoid it and during the spanking he will be genuinely unhappy. This is probably the first time in your life you set out to intentionally hurt someone you love. Disciplinary spanking is about inflicting pain; a lot of it. The more pain you inflict, the more effective you are as his disciplinarian. That won't feel good.

Remember he asked you to do this. This is something he has wanted for a very long time. You don't have to like it. Your are doing this for him. Remember, this isn't for you. It's for him. Grit your teeth and grab your paddle and give him what he wants. He's been dreaming of this for a long time. If you are a woman in a long-term relationship, even if you have never delivered a disciplinary spanking up until now, in all honesty, haven't there been times you really wanted to? Aren't there times when his behavior is so aggravating, so irritating, so maddening - that you would love to bare his butt, put him over your knee, and spank him to tears? Spanking your husband is part of being a disciplinary wife. It is a skill you develop as you learn to help your husband become a better man. As you perfect this skill, he benefits by becoming happier and more secure.

You get three things from spanking him. It acts as a deterrent for future misbehaviour, it exacts a price from the offender and gives the wronged spouse the sense that things have been "made right".

Here are some words and phrases you can learn and use to help you build confidence in your ability to be the disciplinarian wife he wants, These are "power words," . Words that convey authority and purpose. That can help internalize and solidify those powerful feelings.:

Understood?
Did you hear what I said?
Not as sorry as you are going to be.
We will discuss this later.
Bring me the paddle.
I am going to blister your behind.
I am going to set your bottom on fire.
You are going to be much sorrier.
I bet you will behave - after I finish blistering your behind.
I sure hope you won't do it again - God help you if you do.
You really should be ashamed that I'm having to paddle your behind like this - will you ever grow up?
You have a naughty little boy inside you and when he comes out it's my job to teach him how to behave.
You are going to be severely punished.
Do you want me to take you upstairs and pull your pants down?
One more word and I will ...
You are going to get such a sore bottom when we get home.
You just carry on with that attitude, just carry on...
We are going upstairs now as you definitely need a resetting.
Really?  Really?
I'll take care of that.
Infraction.
You know that's punishable.
You're too smart for your pants, and those pants are coming down.
Assume the position.
Go fetch my hairbrush.
I promise this is going to be ass blistering that you won't soon forget - you'll be lucky if you can sit down for the next week."
And you're going to be even sorrier.

Ensure success by being specific about what you expect and monitor the results closely. Cultivate observation skills. Try to be aware of what he is doing. You are absolutely allowed to ask him about anything you want to know and expect an honest answer. He has asked for a disciplinary relationship, he really wants one, and deep down inside he does want to tell you everything.

When it comes to spanking, you and you alone decide when. Every spanking should be serious. You need to do it properly. Even if you're doing it grudgingly, wishing you don't have to, never project this. You can pretend to be "in" to it even if you're not. All women are capable of that.For him, disciplinary spanking needs to be harsh to be real and to have the effect he wants, to punish him and deter poor behaviour. It should be painful and something he wants to avoid.Punishment is no longer indirect and emotionally damaging. It's direct and to the point. He is suffering because he did or didn't do something. He knows it's his own fault that he is being spanked and that you are just carrying out the punishment he has earned.For him he wants to learn that it is far better to be attentive to what he does than to make the mistake and suffer the punishment. You want to inflict as much pain as possible without permanently harming him. You have two purposes. The first is to assert your authority and the second is to make him want to avoid being spanked.

And over time, you will stop feeling bad about hurting him. You won't like beating him, but you won't feel bad either. You will treat it as something you do, much like a household chore. You won't be sympathetic to his discomfort. He brought it on himself. You'll learn to punish him without feeling bad yourself. You'll begin to feel a sense of accomplishment when you successfully spank him. It isn't fun for you, but it's part of what you have to do. This is the equivalent of his hating the painful spanking itself but liking his role.

There is always an erotic undertone to spanking.

One "thing" that it's in it for you is you may start to enjoy "catching him" doing something wrong and get real satisfaction out of being a keen observer. That's your equivalent to his sexual arousal at the thought of being disciplined. It's also absolutely okay for you to enjoy establishing things for him to do and then carefully observing compliance. You may like that. Invariably, your increased vigilance will result in more spankings for him. That's not a bad thing. After all this time, it's still what he wants you to do.

He's much more comfortable with his role in developing your disciplinary relationship. He will become your cheerleader and in many cases, the architect of his own misfortune. It makes sense if you consider that there is a sexual component to this. He should feel fine about getting aroused thinking about his role as a disciplined husband. It's perfectly reasonable for him to get turned on thinking about being spanked. That doesn't change its disciplinary value at all. He may be turned on by being a disciplined husband, but he must absolutely hate being punished. These two things actually work well together. His sexual interest keeps him relatively docile and willing to get in position for punishment. The very severe pain he gets during punishment is sufficient to drown out any potential sexual interest and reinforce the reason he is being spanked.

Eventually, instead of just enforcing rules you both mutually agreed to, you will tell him how you wants it to be. You will set boundaries for him and expect him to respect them.

In a domestic discipline relationship, the equation for deterence isn't complicated.

Most importantly, relax and take your time. You may not be comfortable at first. It is not a

comfortable situation. After a while, it becomes an important part of your lives that both of you.

In the words of Aunt Kay

And to follow on from that she says:

 STARTER HINTS, GUIDES AND TIPS

If you decide to try it out aim for a test period of around three months. But the goal should be a permanent change to your marriage where you have permanent authority over him. In most husbands they have a pre-existing fascination with spanking which eventually settles on the need for being subject to his wife's authority and receiving "real" spankings from her when she chooses.

But giving a real punishment to your husband is difficult for most wives. Even those who love the thrill of their control and really understand that this is exactly what their husband wants and needs find it difficult to do something so painful and harsh. They love their husband and don't want him to suffer.

No matter how hard it is for you, remember your husband has this need he wants you to fulfil for him. And if you do, he will be happier, more loving, more content and relaxed, sometimes for weeks afterwards, and that makes an hour's punishment time worth it. Even if this is difficult to punish your husband like this, you know he asked for this, so he needs and wants it.

As you spank him harder and get into it and see he is really hurting you find it more difficult to keep going because you love him and want to forgive him. At this point, you need to keep going and give him a lot more than he actually wants until he thinks it will never stop. Hard spankings like this are difficult to give but worth it for your relationship.

Punishments like this should clear the air between you. You can let go of the emotions you feel. He can be free of guilt thinking that he has gotten what he deserved and it gives him peace and calm. After a spanking like this you will feel closer to each other.

A well disciplined husband is the result of his wife's constant vigilance, being aware of what he is doing as much as possible. Train yourself to be a behaviour spotter. Look for things he does regularly that you don't like and make rules to stop it (e.g. leaving the toilet seat up, coming to bed late etc). Consistently apply the rules and enforce them every time.

Ideally when he breaks a rule a spanking should follow as soon as possible afterwards. But this is not always possible. Being an adult he can understand a delay and why he is being spanked even when it is postponed. But you should let him know immediately that he has done something wrong that results in spanking, especially if you can't spank him right away. Most of the time, a tare and a knowing smile will tell him he's earned a spanking. He knows what that means. Or wait till you're alone and tell him he just earned a spanking. However works for you. It's critical however to let him know he's been caught. Sometimes a little blush or embarrassed smile will be your reward.

Make rules you know he cannot keep to to ensure you spank him often in the beginning. This initial testing period will involve regular doses of heavy corporal punishment. It's meant to be painful. When committing to this both of you should have no doubts that his welts will be raised and his bottom bruised. This is your commitment. If you ever doubt, remember this is what he asked for. He wants it.

Spankings should have two effects. They should be very painful while being applied and the bottom should remain bruised or tender for some time afterwards.

Part of spanking is that it should be accompanied by clear and precise reasons why it is happening. This is called the "lecture" and is a vital component of making him comfortable with the ritual of his spanking and being subject to your authority. This lecture should ideally happen before the spanking. It's a good idea to get him to confess and agree he deserves a spanking.

So always be ready to punish him good and hard until you are sure that he learned his lesson.

As I prepare to punish him, I know all these things. Usually, I can't wait to show him some of the strong emotions I am feeling and let his bottom feel the results of his bad decisions.

- The Disciplinary Wives Club

 THE PUNISHMENT PREP

This could be an unpleasant thing to do. You love him and you hate to see him suffer. It's counter-intuitive, but that is a good reason to spank him severely. It will make him want to avoid it.

Your husband is grateful for the disciplinary attention. Remember for him it's a need.

Your attitude is everything. You need to commit fully to the test period with the view of making it permanent. Your technique will improve over time but start with the right attitude when you start out.

When he's going to be spanked, try these hints.

- Be strict, unforgiving and demanding

- Be willing to humiliate and embarrass him

- Be vigilant of his behaviour

When it comes to rule making, be clear about the rules and enforce them consistently and strictly. In the beginning make rules about small things and lave big things for much later. A simple rule like that he must not lave the toilet seat up is easy to enforce. Enlist his help to report his own wrongdoing. ⁠Become a behaviour spotter. Listen to how he talks to you, his language, his response to requests for help, watch his tidiness in the bedroom and work area. Does he leave the seat up in the toilet etc. This is easy to spot and correct. Keep a record of things he does wrong. Make time to punish him. In the beginning be rigid and inflexible about rule breaking with him and yourself. You want to build habits and routines here. Look for reasons to punish him. Set yourself a target of one "offence" per day in the beginning.

Develop an appearance of cool detachment at the time of punishment. Men who want to be spanked are looking for resolve, strictness and strength from their wives. Think of all the times he's been rude, uncaring, selfish, told lies or insulted you. Use that anger at him to assert your inner disciplinarian and call him to account.

During his lecture be harsh, shame him. Don't hold back. Allow your inner "bitch" to come out. Don't worry. The bitchier you are the more he will love you for it. By the time it's time for punishment to begin he should feel horrible for what he did and almost be grateful for the painful part of the punishment to begin. Build anticipation and fear about the punishment. Tell him how long and hard it's going to be. You can say things like "you won't be able to sit for a week" and "you won't forget this for a long time" so he knows what's coming. You can keep scolding him right through the punishment including corner time.

When you spank him, do these two things:

• Bare bottom only: He may find this erotic but that's okay. Any clothing will blunt a spanking and you want full force and effect. You also want to see what your swats are doing to his bottom. It forms one of the key elements of ritualization of the spanking process when he is punished. Baring his bottom to be spanked is part of his submission to your authority. It does not matter whether he has to do it himself, or more humiliating, stand still so you do it for him. There is also an element of humiliation in him having to bare his bottom for spanking which helps enforce your authority.

   

• Don't hold back: This is probably the most common mistake wives make. You don't want to hurt him "too much". Well for the spanking to work it must "hurt too much". He must want to avoid it. This will be difficult but with practice you'll learn to hit hard.

In the words of Aunt Kay

A spanking must be an event to remember. Don't worry how much he squirms and cries. Don't worry how red his bottom gets. Don't be sorry for him. Don't be lenient. Don't go easy on him He WANTS you to be strict and severe when you are spanking him. He's not a child. He's a grown man. He is the one who chose to be there. He WANTS and NEEDS a hard spanking. From YOU. Give it to him. Show him no mercy. The longer and harder you spank him the more he will love and adore you for it.

 TOOLS, POSITIONS AND HOW TO

You may chop and change as you grow more comfortable with your role.

But here are some basic tools to start off with.

• The hairbrush: This is the classic domestic spanking instrument. It must be a solid oval shaped wooden one with a smooth flat back. Once you have used it a few times on your husband you can even leave it out in the open and when he sees it then it reminds him of your authority. It's a kind of "badge of office".

• Small Paddle: A small flat instrument in addition to the hairbrush for spanking. A sandal or wooden spoon can also serve this purpose, especially on bare bottom cheeks.

• A big paddle: This is for more serious spankings like bent over or laying down ones. It should be about 50cm long. A big ruler can also serve this purpose or a big wooden spoon.

• A leather strap: Should be about 50cm long and 5cm wide. This is also for serious spankings. A men's thick leather belt can also serve this purpose.

And the three basic spanking positions are:

• Over the knee: If the hairbrush is the classic spanking implement then over the knee is the classic domestic spanking position. It is an iconic position creating a level of vulnerability, humiliation and intimacy that is unmatched. Your husband wants to submit to your authority. It requires your husband to willingly lay himself across your lap, with his bare bottom turned up and presented for spanking.

• Bending over: Here he grabs his knees or ankles or bends over the back of a chair with his hands on the seat or lays over the backrest of a sofa. This position allows for considerable swing to deliver very hard swats. The ordeal here is for him to maintain his position, keeping his bared bottom still and presented for its punishment throughout. He must do this to indicate acceptance of his punishment and respect to your authority.

• Laying down: This means face down, usually on a bed or sofa. Put something under his tummy to elevate his bare bottom. He is comfortable. This position allows for a lengthy severe punishment

Let's see the phases of a spanking.

• The Lecture This is when you tell him why he is being punished. Some women like to provide a long, detailed narrative of the offense and how naughty it is. The objective is to make sure he understands exactly why he is being punished. It's delivered an authoritarian voice with questions like, "Do you know why you're being punished?" and you must expect him to tell you how he was naughty. And answer, "That's right. You were very naughty." This sort of lecture adds additional humiliation to the spanking. This can continue even during and after the spanking

• The Spanking In many cases the disciplinary wife will have her husband in spanking position before she delivers her lecture. He is most vulnerable with his bare bottom exposed and ready to be paddled. Many believe this is an optimum time to deliver the lecture. Most spankings last anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. They are never over until the disciplinary wife decides they are.

• Contrition Once spanking has been completed, your husband must express gratitude for the effort you have taken to help him. It requires that he thanks your. He can do this anytime up to 1/2 hour after you have spanked him. Sometimes immediately after the spanking he needs to catch his breath and compose himself. Failure to thank could result in another spanking. You can also make him do penance and "think about why he was spanked" by making him stand in a corner or against a wall and then afterwards thank you and apologize for his behaviour.

These steps have been perfected over the centuries by disciplinarians everywhere. This isn't a ritual that has to be carried out exactly as dictated. However, at some point during the punishment, each element should be covered.

How to actually spank - the business end

To start off with, remember this is not a child. This is a grown man who has willingly presented his bare bottom for you to be punished. What he wants and needs from you is a hard spanking. So be a loving wife and give him what he wants and needs.

• Hit harder than you think you should. Try to use all your strength. From the first smack the sting should be a shock and the pain should build to an unbearable level.

• At first he may take it well and try to keep still. KEEP GOING.

• As you keep spanking he will start to lose his composure. He may begin to wriggle around and make a noise, groaning or even yelling out. It may be very difficult for you to keep at it but remember what we said. This is what he wants. A spanking so severe that he wants to avoid it in future.

• You can keep scolding him. He may even start to tell you he's had enough and learned his lesson, but this nowhere near enough. Keep spanking and show him no mercy.

• Ignore how red he gets. At the end his bottom should look terrible. As long as you're just hitting his bottom, no permanent harm will be done and it will heal quickly. You're supposed to cause as much pain as possible without permanent injury.

• His butt is perfectly designed for this purpose. There is a rich network of nerve endings just below the skin. Below that is a layer of fat and then large muscles. A paddle or strap won't cause long term injury no matter how hard you hit it. If he had an erection, that will disappear after the first few swats. Many disciplining wives say that the spanking doesn't truly start until his penis is completely flaccid.

• Lecture him while you spank him. Tell him if he weren't so bad and naughty you wouldn't have to spank his bottom so hard, that sort of talk. A spanking should be an event to remember. Don't worry about how red his bottom gets. The more color you put into it, the better you are doing. Don't pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits.

• Restrict your attention to the lower half of his butt and halfway down the back of his thighs. These areas are well padded and can handle your hardest hits. Never hit higher on his bottom. Avoid his tailbone. You can injure him if you hit it.

• Although you should start hard, his body needs some adapting to the idea of being spanked. So it's a good idea to start off in flurries. A good idea is to start off in flurries of four on alternating cheeks, progressing to eight or ten. Between each flurry, stop, lecture, give time to adapt and then repeat. After alternating, concentrate on single spots. The best place to spank is on the lower part of each cheek. Say for instance, ten on his lower left cheek, wait, ten on his lower right cheek. After a few alterations like this you just remove the pauses.

• Try to concentrate on the area just above the crease between the thigh and bottom. It should be the reddest. You're looking for an even dark red and some areas of white. Preferably there should be visible bruises. It should hurt terribly. But, an hour afterwards, there won't be as much pain. Maybe some residual heat and the next day it will hurt to sit down. But, that is the desired result he wants isn't it?

• His mind should be focused on the pain being caused to his bottom. If you even limit the area you are spanking, all he feels is the world of pain the hairbrush is causing. Every smack hurts more than the one before and it feels never-ending. The lower bottom is all skin and muscle so, though painful, has little risk of permanent damage even if severely bruised.

• For him, it's humiliating. There he is, a grown man, meekly presenting his bared bottom to be spanked. It is painful and it hurts more and more the longer it goes on. It's safe, so you can hit the sweet spots of his bottom as long and hard as you want. It can last some time. Bruises and redness can be visible for days and sitting can hurt as long.

• Most men start off with spanking being a sexual fetish, and the thought of being spanked will/can arouse him. This is helpful, because it allows him to present his bottom for the hairbrush or paddle. By the time he realises it's not enjoyable or as sexy as he had in mind it's too late.

• If he tries to roll away hit him on the upper thigh.

• At the end he may have tears, but this more a stress reaction than actual crying.

• How do you know you're doing it right? He may yell, plead, wriggle about, beg you to stop, he will sweat and he may even smell a bit off.

• Spankers are made. They are not born. Have patience with yourself. Practice. Spanking properly is actually easy once you get the technique right.The sweet spot for a good spanking is the lower rear of the bottom. You should land about three quarters of your smacks here and they should ideally be the hardest smacks.

• The whole point of this spanking is to cause controlled pain. You may see visual signs that your task is nearly finished when you see bruising or white spots on his bottom. When you feel he has had enough to learn his lesson, then stop. Chances are good that you will want to stop too soon. You can speed up the rhythm as you go. Just try to avoid pausing or slowing down.

Some visuals to help imagine what to do.

• This is the strike zone you should aim for.

• This is an example of a nice easy pattern to follow of how to distribute your smacks.

Follow the pattern in the picture. Two swats to the outside or top of the blue oval, then four much harder swats to the left sweet spot, then four more just as hard to the right sweet spot. Last, two softer to the outside area. You may be wondering why we have an even number of swats to each area. The idea is to hit the same exact spot at least twice in a row. Repetition intensifies the sensation. If you focus all four of your sweet spot swats to the same place, you will have a strong effect on your partner. In the beginning, the harder sweet-spot swats won't be all that hard, but as you go, make them more intense. The reason to hold to the pattern is that he will start to anticipate what is coming next. His sweet spots will be much sorer than the outer area. So as you go on, he will dread when you move to your strike zones. The pattern helps build that dread.

• When you are done you should aim to have his bottom look something like this

Note that the sweet spots are much worse spanked than the thighs and outer parts of the bottom. The top third of the bottom has not been harmed. Although this looks horrible, it will start to clear up almost immediately and within about two weeks his bottom will have returned to its pristine pale. This spanking would hurt and there would be pain for a few days afterwards and bruises for about two weeks, but no permanent harm has been done. If you give a spanking like it's supposed to be then his bottom should still have the resultant bruises for weeks afterwards, serving as a reminder of your authority every time he sees it in a mirror.

How it ends

• After the spanking, make him stand in a corner or facing a wall to contemplate his poor behaviour and the just consequences it elicited from you. Nose and toes to the wall. His bottom should stay bared with his red spanked cheeks shamefully on display. Let him stand there for at least 30 minutes.

• And he should not touch his bottom or soothe it in any way. After all this is punishment he requested so soothing the well deserved pain away is counter-productive to the purpose of punishment. So no relief. And tell him to stand still and be quiet while he is there. Make him put his hands over his head and clasp the fingers together.

• He should apologize for what he did and thank you for taking the time to discipline him. After all you are doing this at his request and for him.

• For days afterwards he should wince if he sits too quickly without thinking. He should visibly be seen to seat himself carefully and some discomfort. His tender bottom a long lasting reminder of the consequences of poor behaviour.

• Every time he sees those marks or feels that pain of sitting down too quickly, he will love you more for it

Above all when that bare bottom is turned up across your knees waiting for the paddle or hairbrush, don't disappoint him.

CONCLUDING, FEAR, GUILT AND SEXUAL AROUSAL

For husbands, being spanked creates an interplay of wildly differing emotional responses. If you seriously take charge as a disciplinarian wife and announce he has a spanking due, the effect in your husband should be genuine fear, dread and anxiousness. Butterflies flutter through a cold pit in his stomach as he follows you to the bedroom to have his bared bottom face the unyielding wood of the paddle. Dread filling him as he sees the chair placed, the sight of the heavy wooden paddle, your knees primly together before him, the soft hiss of his pants sliding down and hitting the floor releasing a cool feeling across his bared bottom. These things should make him truly scared of the inevitable pain and embarrassment of his wriggling, cries and perhaps even tears. And in his mind the thought of "Oh no, what did I get myself into" as his immediate future becomes very clear.

The goal of the disciplinary relationship should be for him to develop a fear of the consequences of disappointing his wife. For disciplinary spankings to work, they must be sufficiently severe to be a deterrent. This fear of consequences would mean he is truly afraid of where she is taking him, whilst accepting it is something he wants and it is for his own good.

As his wife, feeling guilty about hurting him is normal. But try to remember you are doing something for him that he wants. He probably won't remember that he was the one who wanted to be spanked while his bottom is getting paddled, but his memory will return soon afterwards. If it turns you on, good. That makes it easier. If not, just congratulate yourself for doing something he wants and needs. Remember it takes an enormous amount for him to ask for this. It is something he needs. Perhaps it is fun for you but it is not for most wives. The best way to to see it is as something he needs. So when you are done, make sure he says thank you to you.

Remember how much he must trust you to ask him to intentionally hurt him if he hurts you emotionally or lets you down. For him, having that sort of trust in someone is amazing. Giving that trust to you and trusting you to act on it, is an amazing experience for him. For him he struggles to wrap his head around how much love it takes from the woman he loves to be willing to take him, her beloved husband, when she has an overwhelming desire not to hurt him ad then paddle his bare bottom till its bruised, he wriggles, howls out in pain and maybe even cries, simply because that is what he asked her. While you are spanking him, amongst the intense pain, he also feels an intense closer connection to his wife, He can feel from how long and hard she spanks how much he has hurt her feelings and frustrated her, and feels more in tune with her emotions. For a husband this is so much better than being told how she feels. Now he senses through the spanking the pain, anger and frustration he has caused her. This is exactly what he wants.

When he makes his walk of shame to the bedroom to face the paddle or hairbrush he will dread it. His breath will be faster, he will tremble a little, his heartbeat will race. Like the mind of a condemned man being cleared by the sight of the gallows, his sole thought will be the immediate future and the repeated impact appointment his soft bare bottom has earned with with a piece of heavy unyielding wood.

But afterwards, sometimes even a few weeks afterwards he will find himself almost yearning for that intimate connection with his wife when he is spanked. He will almost look forward to the next time he follows her to the bedroom for a spanking. The intense pain of consequences coupled with the humiliation of having failed her is impossible to forget. He finds himself thinking of his connection with his wife. Him naked, exposed, vulnerable, submitted. His wife fully clothed, driving her point, her anger, emotions, disappointment home by paddling him soundly and thoroughly.

In that position submitting to the woman he loves so dearly he feels love and trust which almost transcends the pain of being punished and learning his lesson. He may even look forward to the next time he is taking the dreaded walk to the bedroom, knowing he will again feel that intense love, trust and admiration for his wife. It will even a feel a little stronger. It will make him want to be spanked and disciplined by his wife. Even though is is intensely painful and terribly humiliating and he fears it.

This is the weird play off of emotions. He does not enjoy being spanked. He fears it, but he needs it. He appreciates that emotionally and mentally they are good for him. And when the spanking is done, and the tension released from upsetting her, he has an intense love for her afterwards. For his wife to understand this need of his, to agree to spank and hurt the husband she loves because he needs it, to understand this need of his enough to agree to spank him when he needs it, is absolutely amazing for him. After she spanks him he finds her more beautiful, more wonderful, more loving and more of everything he fell in love with enough to marry.

There is also an element of eroticism in spanking. Most men come into the fetish of spanking due to being sexually turned on by the idea of having his wife spank him. For men this unlikely combination of a raging hard-on coupled with stomach churning fear is not incompatible. Many will see a spanking implement in a store like a heavy hairbrush or paddle and be instantly turned on and need to buy it whilst at the same time the mind will be filled with the fear of what that implement will do to their bottoms. That combination of fearful energy and sexual energy will never really go away. The two go hand in hand and it's okay to have that in a disciplinary wife relationship. Many times the view of your waiting bare thighs, the sight of the paddle, and him being naked bottomed will arouse him, whilst at the same time he is filled with dread at the impending disaster about to unfold across his bare bottom. Part of being in a wife disciplinarian relationship is accepting that erotic energy is always a part of the mix at the time it is happening between the dreadful announcement and when he lays himself across her lap and the hairbrush's first smack impacts his bared bottom.

It turns him on to think about it. You as his wife fuel that arousal. He sees spankings as a wonderful gift from his wife. But when they happen they are not sexual, they are not foreplay spankings. While he is getting the spanking he will not be aroused. But, the next day, and even weeks afterwards he will think of the spanking, maybe compare it to others he has had and as he recalls it, he will enjoy the thoughts and masturbate. Often he will recall other spankings his wife gave him, and think of how they felt, compare differences, similarities and feelings they gave him. And this will serve as masturbation fodder.

Let us finish where we started. The venerable Aunt Kay. Her final words from her website ring true.

When he instantly and obediently presents his bared bottom for its spanking. When he turns that creamy white bottom up across your lap and it lies there quivering... ready and waiting for the paddle or hairbrush. Don't hold back. He is not a child. He is a grown man who has agreed to and wants and needs a hard spanking.

From you.
Give it to him.
Exceed his expectations. Don't disappoint him. He will love you more for it. We all know who is physically stronger. BUT this is an agreement. A willing exchange. It is two sided. First, Your WILL to dominate and discipline him. AND Second it is his desire to be submissive to your will and authority.
This makes him adopt the spanking position. He has entrusted you with authority over him. Use it. Teach him a healthy respect for that authority. Teach him to never doubt your ability to administer punishment when needed. Strict discipline involves corporal punishment. It's meant to be painful. He knows this. He agreed to this. He wants this. He wants you to change his behaviour you find objectionable. He has entrusted you with tools to accomplish this task. And committed to it forever. Nothing could be easier. If you feel the least bit sorry for him during all this, remember, a submissive man does not want a weak or lenient woman. He wants someone very strict and dominant. If he wanted anything different, he wouldn't be over your knees in the first place. This isn't a small child you are holding over your lap by force.

This is a grown man who needs and wants a hard spanking.

Give it to him and pay no attention to his cries for mercy.

The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.

AUNT KAY DESCRIBES A TYPICAL SPANKING

Just as the hairbrush is a must for spanking, spanking is a must for corporal punishment. By this I mean over-the-knee spanking, and no matter how big he is or how small you are, an over-the-knee spanking is possible. Let's begin with an average size man and woman. We will make no mistake who has superior physical strength. Just remember that it is your dominance and his desire to be submissive that puts him in the spankee position. What is this position?

You will need a sturdy chair. It must carry the weight of both of you. And that weight will be moving as he squirms and wriggles under the blows. You will also need to shift your weight to hold him in position. You will free your arm, chest and hips to optimally swing your arm to deliver hard smacks onto his bottom.

Spankings should always be preceded by a lecture. So begin by lecturing him. Explain his objectionable conduct, his rule breaking and elicit his agreement that he deserves to be spanked.
Once you have finished the lecture, make him wait while you position the chair where there is enough space so that his legs and head are clear of obstacles and you can freely swing your arm. Fetch his spanking implement. Let's say the wooden hairbrush. You can usually tell his fear when he sees it. His eyes will inadvertently be drawn to stare with morbid fascination at what his bottom will soon receive. Even if you talk to him he may struggle to make eye contact, especially if you tap the hairbrush on palm or twiddle it around. It's a potent symbol of your authority for him so it will naturally draw his attention. A clever idea is to get the hairbrush or paddle ahead of time and lecture him while using it to gesticulate or point. You will see how his eyes will involuntarily follow his soon to be bottom nemesis while he listens to your lecture.

Sit down. If you are wearing a skirt or dress hitch it up so your thighs can part or move to keep him in position. Remember once the smacks come down he will struggle to keep still. When ready, call him crisply to present himself for his spanking. If you turn it into a predictable ritual this breaks down his resistance as he learns his role and understands your expectations of him throughout the spanking. Teach him that, when called, he is to present himself feet together, arms away from his sides and making eye contact with you. He must position himself like this beside the chair on the side of your spanking arm.

Now do one of two things. Put your hairbrush down or on your lap or give it to him to hold for you while you pull his trousers and underpants down below his knees. Otherwise order him to pull down his pants and underpants below his knees and insist he does so quickly. Baring his bottom is one of his two primary acts of submission during any spanking, whether he does it himself or keeps still for you to do it. It is a bit shameful and humiliating no matter whether done for him or if done himself, so always insist on it. It also breaks down resistance. It forms a key part of the ritual and shows submission to your authority.

When his bottom is bared take the hairbrush from him, or pick it up and order him over your lap. You can teach him that you will signal for him to do so by just tapping your thigh lightly with the implement and say nothing. Otherwise just cursorily tell him "over my knee" or "get across my lap." Either way, at the occurrence of this visual cue or upon hearing your instruction he should obey without hesitation. Promptly positioning himself across your lap to be spanked.

Turning his bared bottom up over your knees for the hairbrush or paddle is his primary act of submission in an Over The Knee spanking. This is why he should train himself to react immediately and obediently when ordered to submit his now bared bottom to the spanking. You must absolutely insist on prompt obedience too. It shows respect for you and deference to your authority. It asserts your dominance over him.

A SIDE NOTE
If he stalls or hesitates, it's a sign of disrespect and doubt. At this stage you need to stop everything and have a serious warning talk. Warn him that the whole reality test period ends if he fails at the crucial moment to obey to the GOLDEN RULE. Then give him one last chance. Later on when this has become your lifestyle, if he hesitates, stand up and spank his thighs. He will jump over your lap.

Once he is across your lap, you must ensure he is properly positioned. Even if you fuss a little, it helps him to feel helpful to think that he is shifting about to position his bottom "just right" for your hairbrush strokes that will soon to pepper his bare bottom. You can make sure you can swing your arm effectively down on to his bottom. It reminds him that he is a willing participant in his punishment. These quick moments of final preparation allow him to mentally submit himself to what is coming. He can gear his mind to accept the ordeal which is about to follow

Start with four hard smacks delivered to alternating cheeks. Then stop. The delay after that
immediate shock of the first smacks and the immediately following sting will help mentally gear himself for the remainder of the spanking. He will probably tense up. Tell him to relax himself. Wait till he does. Now continue to deliver sets of four smacks with little pauses in between until you've given him about 20 spanks. Now stop. He should be quite distressed. Lecture him for a while about his behaviour while he steels himself for the rest.

Now begin spanking again. This time give him eight consecutive smacks instead of four. Four per cheek. Then stop and give him a short lecture. Eight more. A short lecture. And so on for about four or five sets.

When you are ready unexpectedly change over to the main spanking. This should be 40-70 hard consecutive smacks without stopping. This will cause great distress. If he squirms too much smack his thighs and tell him to keep still. Create a contrast in ambience. While he wriggles and cries out, speak to him with calm authority. Ask questions of him and demand answers despite his distress.
Tell him why he is being spanked. That if he hadn't been so naughty this wouldn't happen. That his bottom is turning shamefully red. That he should be mortified for being spanked. That sort of talk.

When you are ready to end, put extra effort into the last ten or so smacks so that they are the hardest. Try to ensure you've smacked his whole bottom. And aim these hardest smacks for the most tender areas, just above the crease where his bottom and thighs meet.

Once you finish, allow him a few moments to realize it's over. Then let him get up. He must apologize for what he did to earn his spanking and thank you for spanking him. Then off to the corner or wall to contemplate what he did and how to avoid it in future. Make sure he does not soothe his bottom. It's on fire and dearly needs to be rubbed, but this was punishment. It must hurt. So no soothing. Just a bare shamefully spanked bruised bottom burning without relief in the corner.