you can't keep anything together, you have no self control on any level. if you get money you don't save it for the rent, you just spend it on whatever comes along, laser removal of you pubic hair or "adult" tsttoos or whatever. or you let some guy talk you out of your money.

 

you believe you are sobhuman, all the sexy guys who like to hurt you know what you are, they have a convincing argument, if unspoken. now you are nothing... how do you go lower than this? what if the men who know you and know where to find you want to push you lower, want to see you flush yourself down the toilet like a worthless turd. 

 

now only specific, strange european men will even see you: the angry, sophisticated psychopaths of a former age. now they encourage you to think of yourself as pig, bitch in heat, milk cow... they mock your body continuously, they make you admit you are stupid constantly. they have discovered that your whole, messed up situation is your own fault, you saught it out, you wanted this. and you can really feel the truth in that.

 

 

so what is it that you want, you ask yourself, and the answer is incredibly obvious: you want pain. you are a masochist. you are encouraged to realize this by everyone who will speak to you now, encouraged to play the game out to its bitter conclusion...

 

 and the whippings, the gangbangs are par for the course, but they are not very challenging to you anymore. simple brutality is a dead end... you need men who will take an active interest in your undoing. men who know how to really hurt a woman's body. and to make her go into convulsions with the intensity of her humiliation. men who know exactly who to inform of your current debauched situation, how to make you drool and sputter with internalised derision, how to turn your face and nipples and armpits absolutely crimson with overwhelming, scathing embarrassment.

 

how to make you wollow in it, to admit how much you like it, admit that having your face ground into the dog doo of self-disgust is actually your greatest joy, the cteme de la creme of your perverse neediness, the ultimate, horrible fulfilment of everything you are or can become.

 

oh, it isn't just that people like to call you a dirty little  piggy-slut, it's that youactually are a dirty, sickening, depraved little piggy-slut.

 

you are a human toilet.

 

you are a bondage barbie, a pincussion, a torture doll.

 

that is just who you are, and these men, these men who can find amazing ways to hurt your body and soul, who can play your delicate nerves like harp strings, they understsnd everything, and are rightfully entitled to every tiny vestige of control you ever had, and ever will have. they own your ass, literally.

 

and they will use timing, anticipation, agonizing tension, shame, self-loathing, fear and adrenilin as readily as they will use needles, electricity, bladder manipulation, chemical irritants and thin supple canes. and cylinders of glowing hot metal to seer your ripe anus and leaking twat. and then horrifying, agoniszing raw flames to raise you high above the treetops and then chew the living flesh from your tender unmentionables.  and you will never, never cum again but the excrutiating pain and humiliation will enact the perfect realization of your voracious needs, replacing orgasm with injusry, fulfilment with raw agony, and the endlessly tantalising suspension of sexual release with the compulsive, brutal drive to do it again.

 

and you will love evey minute of it, because that is who you are, you have sunk to the very bottom: you are a pain whore.