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Accepting being gay
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I dont know if anybody reads these blogs but i find writing things down to be quite therapeutic as it helps me get my thoughts in order an allows me to say what I truly feel. I've not wrote many blogs on here yet as theres not been anything I could think of to talk about untill now. Like i said before, I haven't always been gay as I've felt straight most of my life. I've only ever had straight relationships but even before them I did some pretty gay stuff on my own that I never told anyone about. I would feel so bad afterwards too, growing up I was told things like that were wrong and disgusting and people like that should be ashamed and other really awful things. I must've believed them too because everytime I did anything like that I would tell myself I was gross and that was wrong and I shouldn't of done that, and I would say I'm never doing that again. I did though, quite a few times. I never did anything remotly gay or had any gay thoughts when I was in a straight relationship though, I went on as if they never happened and I thought that mustv'e just been me experimenting an that part of my life was over, but it wasn't over. Fastforward to about 5 or 6 years of being single, unintrested in having a relationship and watching nothing but straight porn and being bored of it I would get feelings I thought I'd left behind me, feelings I would act on an as soon as it was over I felt it hit me again, I cant believe i just did that! wtf is wrong with me?, Im not gay I told myself. Yet I kept getting the Urges to do it again an everytime it would end the same with me being in denial an feeling like shit. I got to the point where I knew I was gay. But I couldnt accept it, I knew other people around me wouldn't accept so how was I suppose to? I couldn't, I didn't an it went on for at least another 5 years. I felt worthless, like life wasn't worth living anymore. How could I live my life if I couldn't even be myself? It would eat away at me everyday an I didn't know how to stop it. I came to the relisation I couldn't stop it and that this was just who I was. I had enough, I was sick of feeling ashamed and being in denial. I was sick of worrying about what other people would think of me an that they wouldnt accept me. Most of all i think I was I was sick of not being able to accept myself so I said fuck it! and since 2023 I've been embracing it. Now i want to get to know this other side of me I've been running from all these years and learn to accept myself for who I am. Maybe porn isn't the way to go about it but i have no other outlet, an i actually find it quite fun, plus I have nobody else I can talk to and what would I even say? Would be nice to have some gay friends though, just some people to talk to about whatever. Anyway that's enough from me, thanks for reading.
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Posted on : Feb 24, 2024
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Add Comment
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Commented on Feb 24, 2024
Nicely said! Please accept yourself. otherwise you'll never be happy.
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